The ring: to wear or not to wear?

[michy]

Today my SO and I were fine tuning some of our plans and doing a bit of wedding talk... and I felt a little bit mixed about one thing that was discussed: his wedding ring. I'd like to ask you guys and see what you might feel regarding this, and get your opinions.

He's going to pick out his wedding ring shortly, we'll get married, it'll be great. But, he says that after the wedding, he'd probably hardly ever actually wear his wedding ring- certainly not on a regular basis. I know it's definitely nothing against me, and he's happy about getting married... he just doesn't care for rings and isn't too keen on the idea of wearing one.

So, how would you feel if your SO-turned-husband just kept the ring in a drawer somewhere and didn't wear it?
Would you think, okay fair enough he doesn't want to, and it's only a ring?
Or would you be a bit hurt that it didn't mean enough to him to wear it anyway because of what it stands for?


Thanks for your thoughts

[garnet]

I'll be honest here, and even if I sound petty, it would be a big deal to me. Typically a man would not be pleased if we did not wear our engagement ring, or wedding ring, and I'm not sure why they sometimes think theirs is optional.
It's a symbol of your union, and a part of your wedding ceremony. It is just a quiet declaration of your marriage, and unless neither partner really cares, I hate seeing half of a couple ringless (unless there is a genuine reason to skip it of course). My father didn't wear his, and it hurt my mother. There was no reason for him not to. Makes me angry.

Very interesting question, I look forward to reading what everyone else has to say!

[Darth_Taco]

I'd be weirded out, Enrique loves jewelry xD. He's an odd one though :P. I'd probably ask for a compromise, like wear it on a necklace or something. I'm personally not much of a ring person either so I'd wear it on a necklace too. That has more to do with the fact that my fingers are ridiculously small and that I'd either have to wear female rings or not at all since male rings don't fit me (at least none that I've found ;_;!).

[ChrisxTosha]

It'd be a big deal to me, to be honest. Chris has had a "promise/engagement" ring since month 8, that he's worn the whole time. (Aside from a few months, because his original was lost in a river-rafting expedition when he was visiting family out of his state.) But I also see it as a, "He's proud to say that he's taken and is proud that I'm his wife" sort of thing.

However, not every couple runs the same stream, we certainly all do things differently. What ever works for you two as a couple, and is comfortable with you both is what's important. If you don't mind him not wearing it except for special occasions and such, then go for it.

[Trethsparr]

Yeah, for the reasons that Garnet stated above, if my SO didn't want to wear his ring, I would be hurt. I realize that each couple is different and may come to their own arrangement, but I don't understand why so much emphasis is put on the woman's ring but that men often may choose to skip it. Of course, if they're working around heavy machinery at work (it can be a safety precaution to remove it during those times), I could understand them wanting to go without it. But at all other times... I'd really appreciate it if my husband always wore his just as I always wear mine.

[Rane]

Personally for me, I don't think that the ring is optional (Pending of course situations where you HAVE to not wear it, like certain jobs, etc.), and was very happy to wear my wedding ring when we got engaged as an engagement ring, and it made Garnet happy, what with the distance, to have something to show that I'm taken, you know, to keep the bitches away.

But really, I see the wedding ring as an important symbol of the marriage. Just the whole symbolism of the ring, cyclical in nature and such, and to say that you want to keep it locked away in a desk drawer just seems disrespectful. But then, I've never heard of people not wearing wedding rings, so maybe I'm just out of the loop. I certainly would have been taken back if Garnet had told me that she didn't want to wear a wedding ring. I think it's just disrespectful to your partner not to, because if someone else eyes that there's no ring, they could make assumptions, whereas with the ring it's a pretty clear statement. Anyways, that's just what I think!

[Frank]

I think I am agreeing with everyone here that wearing the ring is something you have to do. Unless you have a job where you can't wear it, or there is a medical reason, the ring should be on. As ChrisxTosha said, you are proud to be married, and you want everyone to know is how I look at it.
I don't personally wear jewelry, but I know I would force myself to get used to the ring when I am married.
Though, I do suppose wearing it as a necklace would partially suffice.

[agentholli]

I also think that the wedding ring is NOT optional. It must be worn. My ex husband never wore his, and it hurt me..then i didn't wear mine, and we actually pawned them. I hated that decision from the start. When I get married again, the ring is a must. It means you are proud to be married..and that you want the world to know you are married. Almost a symbol of yes I am married and this is my wife and I am proud she is my wife. It is also a must for me too. I want people to know that I am married and proud of my husband.

a little side note: My parents have been married for almost 45 years. My dad's skin started growing around his wedding ring because he never took it off. About 4 years ago, he had to surgically remove it. He really misses it

[sabby64]

Yeah, it's not an option for me, we'd both be wearing them. For reasons everyone else already stated.

[mllebamako]

I'm just going to parrot everything already said: I would be hurt if he didn't wear the ring. I mean, you don't have to wear it 24 hours a day (that is really bad for jewelry anyway). But I would hope that when he got up in the morning and got ready for his day, he would be proud to slip that ring on his finger as a symbol of our love and as a (warning: cheesy) way to stay with him throughout the day while we're apart.

[nicole]

I would also be really hurt if my SO didn't wear his. He understands I will have to take my engagement ring off at work- the whole latex gloves thing. But I asked him if he could get me a chain to go with the ring so I can put it around my neck when it isn't on my finger. To me, if he didn't wear it, it would feel like he wasn't proud to let people know we are bound to each other. It would be like he was hiding his love for me in a desk drawer, and that is disrespectful to me. He wears more jewelery then I anyway, so I don't see why it would be a problem

[Lunar Snow]

"One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them"

Hee, hee! Sorry, I just had a major nerd moment. I would be extremely upset if my spouse did not wear his ring and agree that the only appropriate option is to wear a wedding ring (if you can afford to have one, etc.). I don't have too much to add, because I agree with many of the others. I just wanted to say that most men's wedding bands are pretty neutral and will be something he likes, especially if he picks it out. It's not like he has to wear a carbuncle of a plastic mood ring from the dollar store, with neon orange feathers and bobble head dogs glue-gunned on.

[nicole]

It's not like he has to wear a carbuncle of a plastic mood ring from the dollar store, with neon orange feathers and bobble head dogs glue-gunned on.

that made me giggle!

it's funny throughout my ongoing engagement ring battle with my SO, I just remind him, the wedding bands are going to be easy. Seeing as the one I want is sold in probably every jewelry store in america and he agreed. I want a 3mm white gold court shaped ring, and he said he wants his the same but 5mm which is fair enough with a wedding ring so simple, I really doubt he will have any excuse not to wear it

[Luisina]

Joining the choir of people saying: wedding rings really aren't "optional"..

I love rings, they're beautiful, but honestly, I never wear them (besides the one I've worn on my left thumb since I was, like, 14..) Mostly, I'm afraid of losing them.. but at the same time they feel restraining.. just not a comfortable feeling..

But I'll definitely wear my engagement ring AND wedding band.. It's a beautiful symbol, a promise and a lovely, daily reminder of your spouse... if my future husband refused to wear it I'd feel like he was ashamed of me, or "us" to be more exact..
I know people are different but I'd definitely be hurt..

[Kika]

The same, I would be hurt and I am the one who is scared of wearing rings (I am afraid I won't be able to take them off), but I will definitely wear mine