Can you really be "just friends"?

[lucybelle]

Yeah that's what I try to do, look at it if the roles were switched. I don't think it would bother me if it was a one-time thing. But a constant "friendship" would definitely make me raise an eyebrow. This new guy friend just asked me to go out to the bar on Monday, and I declined. I think we need to make this hanging out a little less often.

[Dauntedpoet]

none of these one-on-one friendships were totally platonic. Either I had had some feelings towards the guy and just was denying it or holding back because he had a girlfriend or vice versa.

I'm 47 and have had many many many guy friends, my entire life my best friends have always been guys...it turned out in every situation that one or the other of us had feelings for the other and was hoping for more.

.I just look at it as how would I feel if roles were reversed and my SO was hanging out and drinking and going back to his place with someone. I would have a huge problem with it.

Completely agree with that...

[Rugger]

It's possible. A couple of my best friends are guys and nothing has ever happened. I've known them for so long they are like brothers to me.

[LostInLove]

I have a fair number of guy friends, and I know my SO has quite a few girl friends as well. I know he's gone to dinner with one or two since he's been back just to catch up, and that doesn't bother me at all. However, I would be concerned if he was inviting them back to his place for drinks, as there is a lot of implied intimacy in that. I also would be concerned if he was hanging out with the same girl all the time, so you might want to consider that as well.

[sabby64]

Its definitely possible. All of my friends are guys, and I have no problem hanging out with them alone. Never thought it was an issue until people started bringing it up. I've never had any problems with it.

[MadMolly]

Most of my best mates are guys. There's a few I wouldn't hang out with alone but there's highschool ones who I have lunch with nearly every day (work together). I wouldn't have a problem with my BF hanging out alone with the girls he's known for years but I'd be iffy about that with girls he's newly friends with! Same with newish guy friends of mine. It all depends on how old the friendship is I guess, because most of my oldest friendships are like family. Wouldn't think about ANYTHING happening.

[Bluestars]

Some people actually get along better with people of the opposite sex. For example, I have known from the beginning that my SO gets along better with girls than boys, and that is completely fine with me. My roommate also says that she likes being around boys a lot better than girls. She grew up with three brothers, and to her it is more natural. She has friends who are girls, me included, but she is not good at dealing with emotional things. I also have one or two guys that I am friends with as well, and there is definitely nothing going on there.

On the other hand, if you feel an attraction to the other person, I think that is where it gets tricky. If you honestly think that you can not be friends with them without falling for them, great! But if you think you will, then you should probably not pursue a friendship with them if you are in a relationship.

[NikkiP]

I will use the classic "When Harry Met Sally", one of the greatest movies of all time...

Sally: We are just going to be friends, ok?
Harry: Great! Friends! It's the best thing.
(On the road once more)
Harry: You realize of course that we can never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is... and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or
form, is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets
in the way.
Sally: That's not true, I have a number of men friends and there's is no sex
involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive, he
always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds
unattractive.
Harry: Nuh, you pretty much wanna nail'em too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there so the
friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: Guess not.

And again


Harry: Would you like to have dinner?
(Sally looks over)
Harry: Just friends.
Sally: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.
Harry: When did I say that?
Sally: On the ride to New York.
Harry: No no no no, I never said that. (Harry pauses, thinks.) Yes, that's
right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other
people then they can. This is an amendment to the earlier rule, if the two
people are in relationships, the pressure of possibility of involvement is
lifted. (Pauses) That doesn't work either because what happens then is the
person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with
the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from
their relationship and "why do you have to go outside to get it?". Then
when you say, "no no no no, it's not true nothing's missing from the
relationship", the person you're involved with then accuses you of being
secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which we probably
are, I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it,
which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment which is men and
women can't be friends, so where does that leave us?
Sally: Harry.
Harry: What?
Sally: Goodbye.
Harry: Oh, OK.
(They both start to walk along the motorised walkway, side by side)
Harry: I'll just stop walking, I'll let you go ahead.

and again

Sally: Would you like to have dinner with me some time?
Harry: Are we becoming friends now?
Sally: Well... (Pause) yah.
Harry: Great! A woman friend... You know you may be the first attractive
woman I have not wanted to sleep with in my entire life.
Sally: That's wonderful Harry.

And just in case you don't know what happens... They hook up, hurt each other, and live happily ever after.