too young, unsupportive parents, spiteful twin.

[kateh]

tom, my SO, and i are 17 years old. we started dating when we were 16,
and now we've just passed 1 year and 7 months.
we've talked about everything: life, sex, college, engagement, marriage, careers, so on.
i'm hopefully going to fsu so i can be with him.
the last time i was visiting in july, he gave me a claddagh ring--practically an engagement ring.

my parents think i'm too young to be in a serious ldr.
they don't know what the ring means. i told them it was a promise ring.
(i couldn't bring myself to lie even further and say it was a "purity ring.")
my dad refuses to accept that my ldr is a real relationship. as tom is my first boyfriend, he says i need to have more "points of view" on dating. but i don't want that.

my twin sister hates tom. she's shallow and a bitch.
he's sarcastic, as am i, and she hates that.
he's tall, which i love, and i think he's the most handsome man in the world.
but she thinks he's fat and ugly.
when tom came to visit me over spring break for my birthday, she threw a tantrum,
and almost refused to come home (she was living in dc as a congressional page).
when we found out we were moving to norway, she wrote tom threatening letters.
the contents of said letters are still in my inbox. i hate looking at them but can't delete it.

his family loves me; his mother is wonderful and i talk to her frequently.
his younger brother said i'm like a sister to him.

my younger sister is in an ldr too, but she doesn't get this shit from everyone.
she gets "aww, that's cute. sam should come visit."
but i get told "you and tom won't work out."

what should i do? i love my SO. i don't want her or my family to come between us.

[Rosebud]

Wow, that's a lot going on. I'm sorry to say that I don't think there's a lot you can do in the way of 'forcing' your family to accept you and your SO and not being so hard on you about it. Has your sister dated guy close distance before and is that why they are okay with her also being in an LDR? I'm assuming your relationship is an international one (forgive me if it's not), is that also something that could be making your parents unsure about his commitment to you? You said your SO visited you on your birthday, did he not meet your parents then?

Sorry for all the questions, just trying to get a better grasp of the situation. The best advice I can give is to tal to your parents one on one in a calm, comfortable environment like going to for dinner or lunch, and just discussing your relationship with your SO to them. You said they think you are too young, well talk to them like a mature adult and try not to turn it into an arguement and prove to them you are capable of handling it.

Best of luck!

[agentholli]

wow that is too bad. It is hard, there are a lot of people on here that get the same grief. You just have to know in your heart that Tom is worth it. Just out of curiosity why did y'all move to Norway?

[kateh]

...Has your sister dated guy close distance before and is that why they are okay with her also being in an LDR? I'm assuming your relationship is an international one (forgive me if it's not), is that also something that could be making your parents unsure about his commitment to you? You said your SO visited you on your birthday, did he not meet your parents then?

no, sam (sarah's ldr boyfriend) is also her first boyfriend, and she's two years younger than me--sam is a year older than her, too.
and i don't know. i've brought it up with them before and remained calm and mature, but they don't want to hear about it. they refuse to talk about him.
and he's met my parents before when we lived in florida, too. they don't not like tom, i just think they don't like ldrs.
(so things make sense: i lived in florida for a year, where i met my SO, then moved to california for a year, and now i'm in norway for a year.)
thanks for the advice though, i guess i'll keep trying.

wow that is too bad. It is hard, there are a lot of people on here that get the same grief. You just have to know in your heart that Tom is worth it. Just out of curiosity why did y'all move to Norway?

i know tom's worth it...he really means everything to me and is the reason i'm not depressed like i used to be.
and we moved to norway on an air force assignment/nato PCS. i wanted to stay in america and graduate with my friends, but we move every year and i guess that was too much to ask for. :/

[hxcbreakdance]

I'm sorry to hear that, I can't really offer much advice except stay strong and try not to let anyone come between you and Tom(even family!), it won't be like this forever!

[Heather]

It's a tough situation to be in, I know from experience. Just, don't let you family come between you guys. It's your life and what YOU want..not what everyone else wants. Focus on you and him, things will get better over time.

[Silviar]

I think the first thing to remember is that you can't control what they think, but you CAN control how much you let it affect you and your relationship. I'd work to not let it come into your relationship, and I think that if by now your parents and sister can't be supportive that I'd tell them it's a topic you don't care to discuss with them anymore.

I'm sorry your parents are like this. I hope you won't let this determine your future, and that you live the life you want to live. And hopefully you can move out and on soon. *hugs*

[LadyMarchHare]

You seem to be handling everything maturely, so your parents' argument of being too young is rather invalid. Yeah you're 17 and that's young, but you're going into adulthood and this is a good way to get there, especially having a shoulder like Tom. Also, the first boyfriend thing. I'm 20, about to be 21, and this is my first boyfriend ever. Personally if you're lucky to find The One the first time like that, screw dating around. You found the guy you want to spend today, tomorrow, next week, and every day from then on with. Why ruin that?

Like the others said, you can't make your family accept, like, or love him. My mom hates my SO and I've just let it be. If they want to come around, it'll be on their terms, not yours, unfortunately. The important thing is that he makes YOU happy and YOU approve of him as you're the one dating him, not them. Also your sister sounds like a jealous tart, but that's just me. I had a friend act the same way with my guy.

Best of luck to you hon.

[Kalmyia]

Like the others said, you can't make your family accept, like, or love him. My mom hates my SO and I've just let it be. If they want to come around, it'll be on their terms, not yours, unfortunately. The important thing is that he makes YOU happy and YOU approve of him as you're the one dating him, not them.

This is exactly the same situation that I am in right now, albeit that I am a bit older. My parents don't like the idea of "this girl" being a reason that I don't follow their hopes and dreams for me. I know it will take quite some time for them to accept that while they have hopes, I am still my own person and that I am ok and good with being with my SO. Best of luck to you!