We love eachother..But cant have eachother

[matt0680]

hello everyone, i'll try to keep this as simple as possible. So about a month ago my gf decided to end our LDR. I live in the uk and she lives in south america. I said to her honestly i cant promise her a date and time to see her. So now she thinks that she can't be with me, we cant be together..that i wont ever be next to her. I said i could be..one day. No i dont know when that will be..she thinks maybe never :/ and she cant be sure about this and that its impossible for it to happen.

The main reason for me not being able to see her right now is because my parents wont let me see her yet and im to young to travel alone (there to protective) , ive just turned 19 and they think its still to early to see eachother anyways. Money really isnt an issue with me.
Her reason is she has to be 18 to be allowed to travel alone (shes just turned 17), and it costs alot she dont have this kind of money...then it might be a long time before we see eachother again, she dont wana wait for years

its only our first year of knowing eachother

I wish i could give her a certian date, but then i would be lying to her if i did say that

we still flirt and say we love eachother, from our relationship point of view nothing has changed

So the situation is, we love eachother but cant have eachother

I could really do with some useful advice, so any would be very helpful thanks

[Tanja]

First of all, welcome to LFAD!

Secondly, I think you'd be surprised to know how many people in here have been/are in the exact same situaton you're in now!

I think you should ask your SO to check out and maybe join this forum because that would prove to her that LDRs can and will work if you're just willing to make the effort.

It will be hard and it will ask a lot of courage and patience but it is so worth it! If what you 2 have is true love then she is ready to fight for it with you and she will wait for you. You need to convince her that she does not have to wait forever, meeting up is only a matter of time.

When it comes to you traveling, I don't think 19 is too young to fly alone at all, especially when you mentioned that money isnt' an issue for you, you could get flights that are straight rides from A to B although it will cost you more than connecting flights.

Does your parents know you've known her for a year? I think that's more than enough ground to get together. Maybe you could travel with a friend or a member of your family? There's a solution to every problem, you just need to find it.

Talk to your parents and most importantly, talk to your SO and tell her you're working on the trip but the circumstances are against you atm.

I hope she'll listen to you, and if not, bring her here and maybe she'll listen to us!

[Mio]

I'm sorry to hear that you are having problems with this. What Tanja said is very right. And I hope you can work it out! Best wishes!

[Zephii]

Welcome!
You're 19 and an adult, your relationship is not your parent's problem but your own It might take them a while to accept, but eventually they will. But with that said, one year is not very long (IMO) and you probably still have a lot of getting to know each other stuff to do. Explain to her that at this point you have forever to be together, you don't need to rush it.
Try to incorporate her more into your life in ways that your family can recognise, and this will help them understand too.

You can have each other and you'll find a lot of stories here that will inspire you both because they prove that.

[seshei]

Waiting indefinitely is definitely hard to do. But, waiting is what you do in an LDR. Not knowing how long you'll be waiting makes it even harder. But, there are things you can do to make it less hard. Joining LFAD to see how others deal with it is a great suggestion.

But, too, have you done any pre-planning for your trip? You don't have to know when you're going to find out how much tickets cost, and whether or not you need a visa. You don't need to know when you're going to look at places you might want to stay when you're there, or to find things locally you want to do. If you do those things together, it helps make it a bit more real. Makes it feel like something that can actually happen. It can help her to see that it isn't impossible. And make things easier going when you are able to visit her.

For me, I don't know when the distance will come to an end. It's been nearly two years, and neither of us wants to be in an LDR indefinitely. But, we don't know when that part will be over. So, we do things that we'll have to do anyway. Look at immigration requirements for the US and the UK. We talk about which is the better place for us to be together. We've started looking at what needs to happen, and what we both will need to do when the time comes. It could be a year before we actually do anything. It could be two. But, doing some pre-planning has helped a lot to make it seem like a very real possibility.

Instead of just talking in terms of "We'd like to..." we instead make it a matter of "this is how we will get there". It helps me to have that, because in our relationship, I'm the one who has the hardest time waiting. Show her its possible and how it can be possible.

[matt0680]

thanks for the great replys so far, well my parents know we love sening eachother gifts and card by post,my mum knows how i feel about her.. so that counts for something
i just need time to convince them,she understood that..but im not sure now.
is there anything else i can do to convince her? i really cant just give up on her like this, i have belief it can work. this whole year she believed it could work, then last month all of a sudden she thinks different
thanks everyone

[Sarah M]

Welcome. I have no idea how to convince your girl, or your parents, but I hope you can! Best wishes.

[matt0680]

well i think i should concentrate on convincing her first, then the parents issue after. its gona take some work, im not sure how to go about doing this really :/.

[Roberta]

well i think i should concentrate on convincing her first, then the parents issue after. its gona take some work, im not sure how to go about doing this really :/.

I agree with Tanja about inviting her to join LFAD. My SO found this website for us and I thought it was very sweet that he was looking up LDR advice. =) Also, talking to your parents may help you convince your SO. Even if they say "maybe you can visit her," it might be enough to convince her. =)

I hope she comes around because LDRs really do work even if you don't have a set date to meet. =) Good luck!

[Sarah M]

You'll work it out. My man can't give me a definite date, either. But I've come to accept it. Hopefully, she will, too.

[Taija]

When you say she can't travel until she's 18, do you mean it's illegal to fly alone if you're not an adult or that her parents don't allow her to? Because I was only 16 when I first flew overseas alone to visit my boyfriend. It took a long time to convince my parents, but nonetheless I was able to do it.

And you're 19, so your parents can't really stop you from traveling if you've got the money. Do you still live with them?

But for now, you should work on convincing your girlfriend that it can and will work out if you truly put your heart into it. A year of waiting feels like an eternity, but it sure as hell will be worth it in the end.

[matt0680]

well again its her parents that wont let her, and defently to see someone shes never met, ya know? yeah we still both live with our parents. yeah exactly it will be worth it so i cant give up now