A little bit hurt

[NaNi]

I just asked my SO if she would like to stay a little bit longer here in Germany since she doesn't have uni right now and is not working anymore. (It was really short notice, so we didn't think about the fact that she could stay for longer now.)

She said she wouldn't be able to stay much longer anyway because of her friends birthday party. I was bummed and asked why and she said that she just "has to" be there.

That really hurt me I must say.

As some of you might know we hardly ever see each other, but this birthday party is still oh so important?



I don't think that I will ask her again.

[Zephii]

*Comfort hugs* I'm sure there's a reason why it's so important (maybe she's organizing or hosting the party?), or maybe she just needed time to think. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you at all.

And sometimes our SOs just don't think. Obi did this to me a few times in different ways, it's not that he didn't want to spend the time with me, it's just he was so used to being obligated to so many things and not me He felt really terrible for it later though (granted, nearly a year later) and apologized.

At least ask why the party so important? It's always better to talk things out.

[NaNi]

*Comfort hugs* I'm sure there's a reason why it's so important (maybe she's organizing or hosting the party?), or maybe she just needed time to think. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you at all.

And sometimes our SOs just don't think. Obi did this to me a few times in different ways, it's not that he didn't want to spend the time with me, it's just he was so used to being obligated to so many things and not me He felt really terrible for it later though (granted, nearly a year later) and apologized.

At least ask why the party so important? It's always better to talk things out.

She's not hosting the party, she only has to be there because her friend told her so. If a friend doesn't show up... well, apparently it's a big thing. I don't know.

[Silviar]

She's not hosting the party, she only has to be there because her friend told her so. If a friend doesn't show up... well, apparently it's a big thing. I don't know.

I think that's exactly it - there may be something going on there you don't know about, and she may not realize how harsh she came off sounding. I would talk to her and tell her it just bugged you a bit, and want to know what's up. *big hugs* Sometimes we all open our moths and insert the foot.

I'm really glad you'll be spending time together soon.

[Heather]

I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings! Just talk with her. *comforting hugs* it'll be okay

[Caitlin2009]

talk to her about it if she upset you, dont keep it inside just because shes there i dont think she meant to hurt you on purpose honey *huggles*

[London-FortCollins]

Ah girls and their friends. And in particular - they're friends birthdays.

It may simply be important because its a close friend? Of course you are important too, but a LDR is hard because sometimes you feel so pulled in so many directions.

Your greatest obligation is likely to be your SO but you still feel guilty for "abandoning" your friends, family etc.

Talk to her - let her know how you feel, see if there's a compromise - can you go back with her for a little while?

[kymccloud]

I don't want to sound mean or anything. I understand how you feel wanting your SO to stay longer. I think we all have that feeling. I just want to throw out there that friendships are important too, and it is important to have friendships outside of your relationship. Maybe it's important for her to be there for her friend's birthday. My SO has had parties and stuff the he didn't want to miss and he left me early to be there because they were important for him. I understand that you want her to stay longer, but maybe you could just be happy that you got to see her?

[michy]

I dunno... If I knew I was going to see my SO again shortly, say within several months, then I wouldn't see any big deal about turning down the opportunity to stay in favor of going to the friend's party- friends ARE important and time with them needs to be balanced with SO time. But... in an extreme long-distance relationship with no future visit on the books, or with one that was sure to be MONTHS and months away... I'd have a very hard time justifying to myself NOT staying. Time with my SO is rare and precious, and I would expect my friend with the party to understand that yes, I might be missing the party, but as a tradeoff, that friendship is a part of everyday in-person life, whereas being with my SO is not.

Anyway... I'm really sorry NaNi, I think I'd be nursing some hurt feelings as well. *Hugs* I hope you can talk with her & let her know how you feel, and hopefully come to understand why this is so important to her. I know she loves you and wouldn't hurt you over this intentionally.

[garnet]

I'm really sorry. I can see why that hurt. I hope there is just more to it that you don't know the details of. I would feel the same way for sure. Hugs.

[Čternity]

I can understand how you feel. We only see each other once a year as well at the moment.

[Karringtyn]

I am hoping by now the two of you have discussed this. Maybe you putting it out to the board was your way of expressing yourself to her that maybe she would see it perhaps? I know the two of you love each other so much and WILL work this through.

[NaNi]

Thank you everyone.

We haven't talked about it again, but we're good now. Maybe her friends just take birthdays more seriously, I don't know. It probably would cost too much anyway. For her to stay longer.

[Caitlin2009]

Thank you everyone.

We haven't talked about it again, but we're good now. Maybe her friends just take birthdays more seriously, I don't know. It probably would cost too much anyway. For her to stay longer.

mmhmm and if she went through customs then she has to leave when shes supposed to, i know it sucks but think of it this way....in order for her to come back again she has to leave to do it

[Stephanieeee]

Well, from what i've read it takes like...9 months or something for you guys to see eachother? I mean yeah, friends are important but....c'mon. You're more important. Everytime. But don't push it with her, it really could be a particuler occasion that she feels the need to be there. Maybe she's a bit homesick, thats not her fault.
Don't assume that no will be the answer if you were to ask her again though, so dont hesitate.
Sorry and stuff but at least you got to seee her.