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he lied and i guess its over now . . .

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    he lied and i guess its over now . . .

    facebook has kinda been an issue for us. I know its just a stupid website but I think that why people do or do not do things on there have bigger motives or reasons. From the beginning of our relationship Jeff had never wanted to list us as in a relationship on there. It kinda struck me as a red flag but his reasonings behind it made some sense. (people use facebook to show off. hey look at me im in a relationship now. and havin to explain to extended people bout our relationship. things like that) I was able to let it go. he wasnt listed as single it was just left blank.

    Other issues have been the things posted on his wall by girls. At first I ignored it because I didnt wanna be that crazy girlfriend that flips out about stuff on there. Well after a little bit I couldnt not say anything so I asked him about it. He said shes a friend and she always flirts and it means nothing and hes told her to stop because he doesnt appreciate it and hes sure her boyfriend doesnt either. I was really happy that he said something and I told him how much I appreciated it and if she didnt stop I might have to say something. Well it stopped for a little bit then she said something else and I just couldnt help myself. I wrote her a message asking what was goin on between her and Jeff. She said nothing they were just friends. I replied back sayin that it seems like more on her part and she assured me that shes just a friend. I told her that I dont appreciate some of the comments she leaves him and that I know hes told her to back off before. She just replied back have a nice day. When Jeff found out he wasnt very happy with me that I had messaged her. I can understand to a certian extent but i just couldnt help myself. Hes my guy and I wanted her to know that.

    Its been a like a month or so since that but now somthing else has come up. For Valentines day I wrote him a very sweet comment. I know I could just text him or call him and told him but I think its sweet to write somethin on there. I know when ive gotten things its made my day brighter. Well I never heard anything back from him on there so I checked it to see if it had worked because I had posted it from my phone and sometimes it doesnt work. Well when I was on there I saw that he had posted back to another girl who had wished him happy valentines day. (not the same girl who was postin comments from before) I know shes a friend but it upset me that he responded to her and not to mine. I sent him a text asking if he saw mine(knowing he had) he said yes it was very sweet. So I went on to push the subject more because I was hurt. He ended up gettin all pissed tellin me its stupid facebook and so on and have fun at my cousins party(it was a bday party for my 11yr old cousin we were goin roller skating haha) so I just dropped the subject and figured when we both calm down well talk bout it later.

    Later that night we were supposed to have our valentines date nite and open our packages we got from each other and watch a movie. Well by the time i got home around 4 I still hadnt heard anything from him so I gave him a call no answer. Maybe like 15 mins later he called back and I could tell he was just in a bad mood. He wasnt very happy for our date night which me and him both were all week. He said he was goin hiking with his friend kyle and wed have date nite later. that kinda pissed me off. I wanted the whole night to talk about things open our packages and watch a movie. but I knew hikin might help him cool down and relax. in the end our night turned out ok. We were able to talk bout it and expressed my feelings bout the whole facebook thing and thing seemed to be fine and he said he might just delete it anyways beacuse we have this website and the phone. I said its his choice but that i like him havin facebook he has other pics on there that i dont have that i like to look at and I think its another way for us to communicate.

    Since then Ive seen him and another girl posting quotes back and forth to each other and its just seemed strange. I havent brought that up to him because weve been having to deal with other things that seemed more important. He found out on Monday that hes not goin to be able to come here at all for spring break for us to meet. this will b our third trip weve had to cancel to meet because of things gettin in the way. we both were really hurt and crushed. Well tuesday morning we were texting back and forth I was throwing some ideas out there bout ways we could still make some what of a trip happen and he just seemed so like whatever about it. then he texts me

    him: this isnt going to work is it?
    me: the trip? or me and you?
    him: both
    me: the road trip could wrk. me and u will wrk only as long as we both wanna try . . .are you having doubts bout us babe?
    him: it just seems like this trying to make our schedualed meeting is always going to go wrong
    me: i dont think that means we should give up on us tho. do u?
    him: i just wonder if we will ever be in a stiuation to where we can make it happen. i mean after we meet in may r u comin down regularly and visce versa? can u afford regualar trips and save for a house?
    me: yes id be able to make regualar trips i will make them happen i want nothing more then to b in a relationship with you and make it wrk i think ur amazing and dont want to let you go babe. and i will still be able to save for a house. im saving for a h ouse and our trip now i have two diff savings accounts. . . will you be able do to those things?
    him: yeah but ill b less flexible bc of my clients but i should be able to
    me: andyou want to do this? i know i want to b with youjed and do this. i think you are amazing and worth fighting for
    him: i want it too i just want to be realistic
    me: i know we need to be. realistically do you believe it can wrk>
    him: ill believe more once we see each other in may
    Me: do you have doubts because wever never met in person
    him: yea and we havent
    me: ive had those before too. how long have you had those thoughts babe>
    him: alot recently
    me: what started it?
    him: just time and things not working out
    me: you didnt meet someone who's makin you have doubts about us did you?
    him: No! trust me its hard enough maintaing one relationship right now.
    me: just a question babe. do you wanna keep talkin bout this now babe?
    him: i cant now honestly
    me: kk babe. I love you jeff from the bottom of my heart and im willin to do anything to make this wrk
    him: i love you too

    through out the day we text and things were ok. Later on that night we talked and about our conversation. I was so worried he was ready to leave and not work on things. He said no he doesnt want to leave and that I had just caught him at a weak point. we had a nice long coversation and things seemed to be good. we talked bout still meetin in march for his spring break and not waitin till may when hes out of school for a break. and he helped me because i was stressing beacuase i felt like i was the only one tryin to make this trip happen and he was bein so reasurring and helpful and just amazing he stopped to really be there for me.

    well the next morning i left a comment on his facebook just tellin him how much i loved him and how much i appreciated him being there for me last nite. well later on in the day i get a txt from him saying he has to delete his facebook because his practicum site said since hes seein patients he cant have one. well i get that and understand that compeletly. but later on i was on facebook and found out that he didnt delete his facebook he just deleted me off of it. WTF? I was so pissed off. I didnt want to text him about it so i waited till after wrk to call. no answer. i know he was wrkin too. then i waited till after he was done with class. called again still no answer. tried again a half hr later still no answer. so by 10 i figured we werent goin to talk that night maybe not ever. so i sent a text saying "you lied to me jeff, you didnt delete your facebook you just deleted me off you profile. . ."

    i never got a response back from him. ;( im so pissed i know he has to have deleted me off because he doesnt want someone on there too see it. I honestly think its that new girl hes been sending quotes back and forth too. last nite i was so mad i thought it would b easy to just move on. because he lied. but i had dreams all night of him callin me and apologizin. i woke up checkin my phone thinkin it was real. it wasnt. I tried goin back to sleep all i could do is think of him and how amazing he is or thought he was. I guess the right thing to do is move on? never call or text him agian? is that the right thing tho? im soo pissed right now but i still love him so much and want us to wrk it out. i dont know if we can. i dont know if hes willin too.

    sorry this is soo long. i just needed to put it out there. get it all out. and see what others have to say. i dont really have anyone to tell about this. i dont really wanna tell anyone i know i dont wanna here well now you can find a boy close to you.

    well if you have any advice to as what i should do now id greatly appreciate it. and thank you if youve made it through readin this whole thing.

    #2
    I am sooooo sorry to hear you are crushed. I hope he is manly enough to communicate with you and make a clousure. It waas lame on just stop the contact. On the other hand you are a strong woman, and yes you are sad and crushed now, but there is another manout there that will be willing to give you all his love. Take care and best wishes!

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      #3
      Wow. It really does seem like something is up. =/

      One, a lot of people on here seem to have the Facebook issue. I know personally I've had issues with my SO and him talking to other girls kind of flirtatiously on Facebook. Other people on LFAD have to, too, if I remember correctly. Facebook can make a lot of bad things seem apparent when everything is actually all good. But I don't think that's you, in this case. Something really, definitely, totally is quite suspicious here.

      Two, I think that there is a BIG problem with him not deleting his Facebook and just deleting you. Maybe there's a good reason though. Maybe it was some kind of weird accident or he thought he had to delete everyone off his profile before deleting the profile itself. I don't know, but if your gut is it was just you, and he had no other good reason than hiding something from you... something very well might be up. You texted him about it, that was the right thing to do, since it's something that you really need to confront him about. I would wait and let him text you back. If he really has a good reason for any of this, then you thinking he's lied to you will be a red flag and I think he'll try to fix things. If he doesn't text you back, though, maybe he really is a liar and just wants to be done with things. You deserve better than someone who will lie to and cheat on you. =/ You've put the ball in his court now, I think, and that's the best you can do.

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        #4
        I think you've done the right thing here. This is why I hate FB (and I'm so glad my guy doesn't have one)...

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          #5
          The things some people try to get away with... He's not just a liar, he's a very bad one. He must have thought that by deleting you, that you wouldn't be able to view his profile.

          I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. You seem like such a great girlfriend to him. You deserve someone who appreciates you a lot more than this.

          A lot of people seem to have facebook issues. But I mean, look at what some bad boyfriends/girlfriends openly do on their accounts when they know their partners can see it. It makes me wonder what they are doing offline and getting away with. I don't think the issue lies with Facebook, it is the person.
          Last edited by Michelle; February 18, 2010, 05:01 PM.
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            #6
            I think this is absolutely terrible and I am so sorry you've been hurt so much. Please stop telling yourself he's an amazing guy, 'cause he's really not. It's terrible to hear what's happened and I just hope that you can move on eventually. Good luck - we're here for you.

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              #7
              Ashley, stay strong! I really hope he has a good reasoning for what he's done... but even for me being optimistic , deleting someone of facebook (i'm sure you checked if he deleted someone else and such) is a very strange thing to do. You've done everything you could, you texted him and rang him ... Lack of his reply/return call doesn't sound good either... So definitely, keep yourself busy, wait for his reply, and if you don't hear from him for a longer period of time (it really depends on how often you communicated before that), put your heart back together, save yourself some self-respect and dignity and go out, see the world and the wonderful people you have around you. I'm sure the love you deserve will come to you at the right time!

              For a matter of fact, if this is really the end, and he's doing it this way... well, i wouldn't waste much more time on him. Dont know about you, but i despise people who do not have the guts to talk about a problem, or at least say that there is one... telling you he loves you and he wants to work on it and then lying is a no-no. that's definitely not how you work on LDR. It's just so unfair towards you.
              I'm really sorry.

              Take a good care of yourself.

              @Michelle, the issues not always come from 'bad bf/gf doing things on their profile' ... I admit it, i have fb/jealousy/trust issue, but if you looked at T's profile, you'd probably say i have nothing to worry about. Well, yes, i may be a little paranoid... but just a little info, sometimes the SO is doing nothing wrong, but the one reading it may be so scared of being hurt, may interpret it the wrong way. That happens.
              But deleting someone of their accounts is just weird.

              Btw, if someone really wants to cheat/flirt with someone else, why the hell do it on fb where everyone can see it ? it's okay if it's just jokes and your SO knows about it being just friendly jokes, but otherwise....

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by aggie View Post
                @Michelle, the issues not always come from 'bad bf/gf doing things on their profile' ... I admit it, i have fb/jealousy/trust issue, but if you looked at T's profile, you'd probably say i have nothing to worry about. Well, yes, i may be a little paranoid... but just a little info, sometimes the SO is doing nothing wrong, but the one reading it may be so scared of being hurt, may interpret it the wrong way. That happens.
                But deleting someone of their accounts is just weird.
                I totally agree. I was just referring to when the other person openly flirts with other people on facebook. Some people can definitely be too paranoid and make mountains out of mole-hills. I get enough emails about people telling me what their boyfriend/girlfriend said on facebook and want my opinion on what it means. Many of them are just innocent and the people emailing me are being way too paranoid. One time, a person who emailed me told me that her boyfriend all of a sudden was messaging some girl on facebook that she's never seen before. She was really upset about it and thought he might be cheating. And then come to find out, after she finally asked her boyfriend what was up, she found out it was only her boyfriend's cousin!

                I was careful to use "bad" as an adjective for the boyfriends and girlfriends who truly are no good to their partners, and I only meant these individuals, not the innocent partners who have overly paranoid bf/gfs.
                Last edited by Michelle; February 18, 2010, 11:08 PM.
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                  #9
                  Facebook's dangerous. You can spook way too many people you just don't want/need to know about! I'm finding I'm going on way too much and spending stupid amounts of time on it, doing nothing! Silly... I can understand why things are read differently on Facebook. It's supposed to be private, but the whole world can see it!

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                    #10
                    Originally posted by Sarah M View Post
                    Facebook's dangerous. You can spook way too many people you just don't want/need to know about! I'm finding I'm going on way too much and spending stupid amounts of time on it, doing nothing! Silly... I can understand why things are read differently on Facebook. It's supposed to be private, but the whole world can see it!
                    no offense ya'll,
                    but that is where I met my SO.
                    The simple solution is to change your privacy settings to "only friends" and only add people you know in real life or online (like here).
                    "Distance between two hearts is not an obstacle...rather a beautiful reminder of just how strong true love can be." ~ Anonymous
                    "Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul." ~ St. Augustine
                    "True love is rare, so when you find it don't let it go just because of a barrier you can't cross". ~ Ray H Wall

                    Chris and Megan - November 3rd 2009- (Break from June 15- )July 18th 2011.

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                      #11
                      Originally posted by archangel View Post
                      no offense ya'll,
                      but that is where I met my SO.
                      The simple solution is to change your privacy settings to "only friends" and only add people you know in real life or online (like here).
                      I completely agree! My profile is private and everything. I don't know if people can even see my profile picture! But some people make it too open... And even I am admittedly friends with people I've been to high school with and don't talk to, but it's nice to see how they're going. But in regards to spooking, it's the people that don't have good privacy settings.

                      ...So, how did you guys meet on Facebook?

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                        #12
                        Originally posted by archangel View Post
                        no offense ya'll,
                        but that is where I met my SO.
                        The simple solution is to change your privacy settings to "only friends" and only add people you know in real life or online (like here).

                        we're not against facebook, as a social networking site it's doing great - i, myself, have reunited with many friends thanks to it.
                        and your solution doesn't really solves the problem, because... you still can see what others post on your SO's wall ... and from my own experience, yes, yes, yes, i know i have my weak moments of paranoia, it doesn't make things any better if you can't see the persons profile or responses. or whatever. maybe facebook without the wall would be better...

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                          #13
                          Originally posted by Sarah M View Post
                          ...So, how did you guys meet on Facebook?
                          Long story short...
                          I added her thinking she was in one of my college classes but she actually was from Malaysia. My SO and another girl in my class had exactly the same first and last name. I broke contact with the girl from college so I wouldn't get her confused with my sweetheart. Who knew adding someone by accident would lead to true love?
                          "Distance between two hearts is not an obstacle...rather a beautiful reminder of just how strong true love can be." ~ Anonymous
                          "Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul." ~ St. Augustine
                          "True love is rare, so when you find it don't let it go just because of a barrier you can't cross". ~ Ray H Wall

                          Chris and Megan - November 3rd 2009- (Break from June 15- )July 18th 2011.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            D: This sucks. Sorry you're going through all of this. I hope there's some explanation for him deleting you off your facebook, but if there isn't then I hope he at least has the decency to give you a straight answer. =/ If he continues to ignore you, then at least you know you're wayyy better off without him. =D Good luck and stay strong!

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                              #15
                              Originally posted by archangel View Post
                              Long story short...
                              I added her thinking she was in one of my college classes but she actually was from Malaysia. My SO and another girl in my class had exactly the same first and last name. I broke contact with the girl from college so I wouldn't get her confused with my sweetheart. Who knew adding someone by accident would lead to true love?
                              That's really sweet! So you guys just kept talking? Nawww...

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