Feeling out of it/down

[folclor]

So yesterday I had my job interview that went okay, and hopefully I'll get a call with an offer soon. However, yesterday I also fell down, cut my knee open on something, banged up my side and my arm and now it hurts to even sit up right. On top of that, when I talked to Alex last night he says that he and a friend are planning a trip for Easter weekend. They're not sure where, yet, but they want to try and go out of country (silly boys don't even have their passports yet, though). I know it's really silly but when he was talking about going on that trip it made me kind of upset... I mean, I know I'm supposed to visit him first and I'm trying to do that but just the thought of him making an international trip and it not being to come see me... it upset me, even though I know it's unrealistic to expect him to do that. *sigh* Either way, I better try to get up again at this point.

[JoMarie]

Aww. Sounds like you had a pretty awful day, lets hope today is much better for you. I completely understand how it makes you upset that Alex isn't coming to see you on his trip, but may I ask why you have to go see him first? If he has the money why can't he come see you first, even if you meet halfway or something.

[folclor]

Well, the deal is he's always gone to see the girl he's with but they never come to see him. I don't want to be like that for him. I don't want him to feel like the pressure's always on him to do something, even if it's not. I know it'd be easier if he made the first trip, just because he has the money to, and my parents would be more at ease, I think, if they met him, but no one he's dated has put in the effort to go see him, to meet his friends and his family. They've all just told him they're trying and then don't get anything done. I know I'm different and I think he does, too, but that doesn't change the fact that he might begin to feel like it's going the same way if he comes down here first and I still don't have the money to go see him in Canada. That's mainly why. I don't have to make the trip first, but it would mean a lot to him and I would get to see somewhere I've never seen before. That's mainly why... Doesn't change the fact that I wish I could see him earlier. ^^;

[Taija]

I understand what you're getting at Marian, but honestly, I don't think it's fair to you. Of course both parties in a relationship, especially a long distance one, have to put all of their effort into it, but it's not right if you're doing all the work just so you can prove him that you care more than his previous girlfriends. Heck, you're working your ass of to get a job and gain the money for a visit - I think that's proof enough!

You say you don't want all the pressure to be on him to do something, but right now it's all on you - and that's no better. I know you want to be the first one, but you just don't have the time and money yet, whereas he has plenty enough to go on an international trip.

All I'm saying is that if I were in your boots, I'd be pretty damn pissed. :P

[Kitty]

Sorry, I have to agree with Taija on this one. I completely understand where you are coming from....ok well my experience with it actually was a failed LDR. He wanted me to come out to where he was and everything and put all this pressure on me without taking ANYthing on himself and he would be extermely pushy about it...and yet not meet any of my needs or wants. I finally broke things off when he said he would call the next night and then 10 days went by and nothing from him, no text no email no voicemail or missed call or im.
Sorry derailing there...
My point is everything shouldn't be on you. It is reasonable to be upset about him taking a trip but not coming to see you. But I understand and respect both you and your SO's stances on this. Hope everything is better soon.

[Bluestars]

I agree with Taija >.< I don't think that you need to keep comparing yourself to his ex-girlfriends. Most likely, they were not even living in two separate countries, which would make things a little different. If your boyfriend has the resources to come see you, I do not think that he has any reason not to do it, even if he does have a bad past. There are other ways to put effort into a relationship other than paying for a plane ticket. Sending a love letter is putting in an effort, and so is just sending him a package to say you love him. From the way it sounds, you are putting in a TON of effort, and I hope that he can realize that.

I would definitely be mad/jealous if I were you. I think that maybe you should tell him how you are feeling. If he is able to make an international trip, I would hope he would make one to his girlfriend before going to hang out with friends >.<

[folclor]

Well, his most previous one was from the US. Connecticut. But she never took interest in where he's from, so...yeah. ^^;;

Last night, after he went to bed and I couldn't sleep I sent him an e-mail telling him that part of the reason I was kind of upset on video (I did get down/disappointed when he mentioned the trip) was because he was talking about taking an international trip...and I knew it wouldn't be to see me. It's even on the weekend we were originally going to meet if I had found a job/got the money fast enough. Another part of it, though, is that this is a trip that he and his friend are planning. I'm doubting they'll make it an international thing because they haven't even applied for passports and this would be the first weekend in April (though I don't know how fast the Canadian government processes those things). Still...I'm not a pushy person and I don't really want to make him do something like that. I mean, I know his friend would probably enjoy the ride anyway considering that if he came I'd probably go up to Dallas and we'd stay there the weekend instead of coming back home and Dallas isn't, exactly, a boring place. *sigh* I'll probably talk more about it to him Sunday when we talk again.

[Bluestars]

Hmmm....Maybe if he did travel to the US with his friends then you guys could still meet up somewhere if he will be anywhere close by. Maybe you could meet halfway somewhere? It might be a long shot, but that is how I met Jared in person. He was traveling nearby and we met halfway to meet up for a concert. That would be a win-win situation.

Regardless though, I hope you get this sorted out! *hugs!

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

Sorry about the rough day. But I'd feel incredibly upset if I was in your shoes. We are in an LDR, never see each other, cherish every minute we have together! You have the time and money to take a trip (international at that), but can't come see me! I'd be angry. I agree with the others. I would be one thing if you were begging him to come see you while you just sat on your butt and did nothing, but you're trying to find a job to save up money to go see him! You ARE putting effort!! I could see how he'd want to have a fun trip with the guys and I don't think it would be fair for you to deny him that. So I think a compromise like BlueStar said. Suggest Dallas and things you could do. I'd have ideas ready but ask him if there was any way the two you could compromise. Tell him you want him to have a fun trip with the guys, but you would like some time with him too. Reassure him you are more than willing to go see him and more than interested in meeting his family and friends, but that just isn't possible at the moment.

[Mio]

Sorry about the hard day! Lots of hugs to feel better. And I hope you can talk about this issue of you working the things to see him and he not, is not fair. Best wishes!