Does anyone else get insanely jealous?

[CanadianGirl]

I was wondering if anyone else gets extremely worked up over the most stupid things. If he mentions a movie star he finds attractive, I get so upset. I hide it well, but on the inside I'm raging! I calm myself down after a while (think 10-15 minutes) and feel stupid for getting so insanely threatened.

With all humility, I love how I look 95% of the time, so that's not the problem. Is it the distance that blows things out of proportion? Maybe it's because this is my first real relationship. What the hell is going on here? =S

[LadyMarchHare]

Most people with jealousy issues have some sort of self esteem problem, though I'm not entirely sure on that as I have insanely low self esteem and I could care less if my SO tells me some movie star is hot or a girl flirted with him at work. Maybe with you, it is the distance as you can't be there to 'ward off' any threats and make sure it's you he only has eyes for since you're not there to show him what he has in person. I'd look into some books on jealousy as to that degree it's not healthy mentally and not very detrimental to your relationship either. You might slip one day, it happens, and regret whatever's said/done.

My babbling aside, to answer your initial question, I don't get jealous at all. Not really sure why, but I don't.

[CanadianGirl]

(...) since you're not there to show him what he has in person.

That actually made a lot of sense to me.

I've talked to him about how I feel (although he has no clue it gets this out of hand. I've been too ashamed to admit it.). He has this thing where he enjoys winding me up a little just to get the reaction out of me. I give him a small reaction, but I hide the overwhelming part of it. I trust him completely to be faithful to me - that's never a problem. I just feel threatened anyways =/ I think you're right about getting a book or two on the matter. This is the only damper on our, otherwise wonderful, relationship.

[LadyMarchHare]

He actually tries getting a jealous reaction out of you? To me, that's a big no-no, even in jest. Maybe trying to give no reaction when he does this will put a stop to it, otherwise try talking to him and ask him how he'd feel if you did the same thing to him, try to get him to see it from the other side. Because really, that's kinda immature.

[CanadianGirl]

Oh, we both know that it's immature. He admitted to exactly why he does it. He said that he finds it cute to see me get possessive over him. What I concluded was that I needed to make my feelings for him easier to read (so he wouldn't feel the need to "test" me).

I know that he would handle it poorly if I tried the same thing on him. I don't do it, because I know he adores me.

If making my feelings more clear doesn't stop it, I'll ask him how he'd manage it if I did the same. It's not a very frequent occurrence, but the few instances really do bother me.

[Sano]

Im starting to find out that Im a jealous person but its not over movie stars or anything like that :P
<.< But then my bf is kind of douchie (unintentionally or not)

[Rugger]

There are sometimes I do. In my last relationship I was really bad, and so was my Ex. We would have screaming matches over stupid shit.

With my SO, I'm not that jealous. I make friends with all of his female friends, so that I know I can trust them. If I do get the green eyed monster, I talk it out with a girlfriend and it goes away after a few minutes. There is only one girl that I CANNOT stand. Seriously if she ever tries anything, I'll beat her face in. But my boy knows this and since he's not close with her at all, he doesn't really speak to her.

[Karringtyn]

I learned a long time ago that jealousy can truly kill a relationship. I am who I am. I try to make myself convinced in the fact that I am enough for him. I think other guys are attractive....I am human. So of course he will think the same. We don't tease each other about it though or say hurtful comments that we know would hurt the other...that is part of a healthy relationship.


I suggest that you work through these issues...I agree it has something to do with self esteem; something I battled with for years.

Take care.

[Silviar]

I personally don't have that problem, and part of it may be because it's your first real relationship - you have all of these new emotions and experiences, and you don't have a base to work off of, so it's easy to feel overwhelmed. There are many good books about relationships - I recommend reading a few so you have an idea of what to expect and to help you get a more balanced perspective.

Along with this I think it's important to remember to work on your sense of self-identity and self-esteem. This is the first time your identity is being aligned with someone else, and so you have a partner identity and your self-identity. It takes some adjusting.

[CanadianGirl]

Thanks guys! All of your advice so far has been helpful. I feel slightly less crazy now and I have an idea what needs to be done.

He needs to stop pushing that particular button on purpose and both of us need to find our self-esteems in this relationship. On my own, my self-esteem is just fine - I just need to shift my thinking a little.

[agentholli]

Yes, I get jealous all the time. Over the stupidest little things. I never really had been a jealous person before. It acutally drives me crazy that I feel jealous. I try hard not to, but it still rages.

[MissShortie]

Yeah I get jealous, but not to were I get mad at him or anything.
One time he told me that a girl wouldn't leave him alone, kept passing him notes (how immature) and even though I never felt like I had to fear anything about our relationship it still made me a bit jealous that there was a girl there talking to him...
I let him know if I'm jealous cuz I tell him everything.

My SO's Brother's girfriend gets insanely jealous to where she gets so pissed off at him and they fight, we went to a hockey game and the girl sitting next to him was talking to him and his girlfriend got so jealous she turned her back to him and wouldn't talk to him... that to me is way out of hand

[sabby64]

I don't have any jealousy issues like that XD Hell, I make fun of girls checking him out and flirting with him all the time. And I'm usually the one to point out hot girls. I don't know, I guess I just don't understand why everyone thinks it's such a huge deal. :P We joke about it all the time. I mention that guys are hot all the time, it's just a big laugh! We don't take anything too seriously, life's too short.

[willieboy]

21 years of insane jealousy took a toll on my marriage and ultimately made a huge contribution to our divorce. My advice would be to get counseling right away.

[Micah]

I get jealous, but I don't show it. The funny thing is, I get jealous over my SO's friends. I just get jealous they get to hang with him and I don't. I am glad he has people to hang out with, but I still get jealous because he has friends he hangs out with every day. I want to be with him on a daily basis, so I get jealous that his friends get to see him and interact with him. I think that may be normal. Maybe envious is a better word than jealous. I know I am a jealous person, but I also trust him, so I don't let my jealousy affect our relationship. The majority of the time I just keep my jealous feelings to myself, so it's a non-issue between us. He also doesn't hang out with any women - he's a guy's guy, so I really never feel threatened by other women.

As far as movie stars: no, I do not get jealous over them because the majority of them are very unrealistic and pay lots of money/get surgeries/etc. to look the way they do. Also, I think some male movie stars are hot, so it would be hypocritical of me to get jealous.