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    #1

    About his past relationship

    I know my SO just a while, and there's so much things that we just found out about each other... but theres one thing that i never ask him-its about his past relationship. He seemed not really had much experience with girls, and he is a very shy guy.

    He is single as far as i know, never been married and all he did spending his time in lab or in front of computer or reading (i love nerd.. hehe). But i don't want to be blinded with fact that i am talking about a 37 years old guy! a straight one!

    I had bad experience with my previous LDR, he had obsession on his ex gf. I knew it when he was drunk and its just hurt me, because he never say that when he was sober.

    Is it ok for me if i ask about my SO past relationship? is it actually appropriate... or..
    because i don't want the same thing happens...
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    #2
    Yes you have the right to ask him whatever you want. You are his girlfriend and you two should can discuss about anything.
    I would just ask him straight dont be afraid Im sure there isnt anything to worry. Also tell him about how you feel and about that other guy that he did hurt you so he will understand why you are worried!!
    (but I do know exactly how you feel because I worry a lot because a bad experience with a guy from the past...)

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      #3
      I agree, ask away!! But the problem you need to consider is that when you ask these questions you risk opening up a flood gate for things that you might not want to know, things that might actually hurt you... I asked my SO about his past relationships BEFORE we got together and it still bothers me to know what I know now.

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        #4
        "single as far as I know"....that to me is a redflag to me. Why are you even thinking he isn't?..... I see you have met and you are together. So there has to be a trust level that has begun..right? With that trust comes a lot of opening up and talking. Telling about our pasts is how we learn. I personally don't think we need to delve into each and every dark secret and detail; but my past relationships are what molded me into who I am today. I would totally ask him and listen to him. I wish you luck...and remember that the past is the past, so no matter what he tells you it is the past. You are in his life now.
        NY to Texas Married on...August 17th, 2013

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          #5
          My SO and I have never really sat down and had the "here is my relationship history" and to be honest? I really prefer it this way. I know the vague details. Who they were, and time periods I guess but that's it. He obviously knows about my most recent relationship because it is still something that I am struggling with but he mostly hears about the "this is what my ex is doing to me today that pisses me off" parts not the "this one time we were in Mexico" parts.

          I'm a big fan of this way. We know who we are and we know how we feel about each other. For once I am secure enough to say that I could care less about those other women because I have this great man who I know isn't going anywhere on my worst days.

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            #6
            OP, My boy is exactly like yours. He's a very shy guy, especially around girls and His longest relationship before me was only 2 months. I've met one of his exes, who is a friend and She's honestly amazing. They didn't date for very long and didn't even kiss. Also I just found out that before me, He didn't have sex for 3 years, so since his senior year of high school.

            My feelings about past relationships is that they are exactly that, in the past. That's where they need to stay. So I don't ask. I know the barest minimum about his past dating life and he knows only what he needs to about mine (Mine is a little more in depth that his because I was abused, so he obviously had to know that). If it's not affecting your current relationship, then why bother? Your SO is NOT your ex.
            "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love " ~ Theodore Seuss Geisel.

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              #7
              I agree with NikkiP. You have the right to ask, but the nitty gritty details aren't always what you want or need. Sometimes it's best to leave things in a bit of a fog of mystery since it is after all the past and you are his present and hopefully his future.

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                #8
                Me and Brandon sat down one day and came clean about everything to eachother. Now there's no awkwardness in wondering whether or not something happened, or being afraid you might bring up a touchy subject. I think it's best just to get it over with, it could save you alot of grief in the long run.

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                  #9
                  Originally posted by sabby64 View Post
                  Me and Brandon sat down one day and came clean about everything to eachother. Now there's no awkwardness in wondering whether or not something happened, or being afraid you might bring up a touchy subject. I think it's best just to get it over with, it could save you alot of grief in the long run.
                  Well I think that depends on the person. Some people can handle hearing the past regardless of what went on and there are others who let it get at them and it drives them nuts wondering if they're acting like an EX did or they're doing this, blabla you get my point. I mean if you want the whole shebang then you asked for it, but I think sometimes it's either better to leave it vague or just forget it because as it's been said, it's the past and it's that way for a reason.

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                    #10
                    You can ask if you want. He may not want to discuss it. You also may not like what you hear. I'm not a believer in digging into the past. It's the past for a reason. It's about how he treats you now.

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                      #11
                      Originally posted by KiwiLove View Post
                      Yes you have the right to ask him whatever you want. You are his girlfriend and you two should can discuss about anything.
                      I would just ask him straight dont be afraid Im sure there isnt anything to worry. Also tell him about how you feel and about that other guy that he did hurt you so he will understand why you are worried!!
                      (but I do know exactly how you feel because I worry a lot because a bad experience with a guy from the past...)
                      Thanks for the comment... yes, i should tell him about my worries. I know he's not my ex, its just hurt me to find out if he still think about the ex later.. better know it sooner!

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by Karringtyn View Post
                        "single as far as I know"....that to me is a redflag to me. Why are you even thinking he isn't?..... I see you have met and you are together. So there has to be a trust level that has begun..right? With that trust comes a lot of opening up and talking. Telling about our pasts is how we learn. I personally don't think we need to delve into each and every dark secret and detail; but my past relationships are what molded me into who I am today. I would totally ask him and listen to him. I wish you luck...and remember that the past is the past, so no matter what he tells you it is the past. You are in his life now.
                        I say "as far as i know" because we know each other for short time. Until today, this very moment i know the fact that he is single, and he only had single bed on his apartment and he did things him self daily (cooking and house chores).
                        Honestly i never ask if he is single or not. He just said he had no wife at home and no 3 kids waiting for him at home-its just a joke when i ask if theres anyone waiting for him in German (a hidden question about his status).

                        I do realize past just a past, and i want him to think the same. For once someone/my ex said "its just past" but when he get down and drunk he will say something like "i will never love anyone like i love her/my ex" or like "you had no idea how you really looks a like my ex gf" its kind of hurt.

                        When past is past, your bf wont say those things right? sober or not!!

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Originally posted by tiffinnie View Post
                          I agree, ask away!! But the problem you need to consider is that when you ask these questions you risk opening up a flood gate for things that you might not want to know, things that might actually hurt you... I asked my SO about his past relationships BEFORE we got together and it still bothers me to know what I know now.
                          Thank you for your advise... yes.. huff... hahah.. i am just afraid now what will i found out about the past.. but i don't think its bad (i hope so) i think ill take the chance to ask.. :P

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                            #14
                            Thank you for all response/comments and advise here.

                            Its not that i feel like being insecure about my self, i am quite reasonable i could say... its just from the past-it teach me something like i should know better about his past (maybe) before falling deeper to this person. I don't want any emotional baggage from the previous relationship if he had any.

                            I love my SO much, but at the same time i don't want to get hurt! (like i said he made me strong and weak at same time, it driving me insane!)

                            I could careless if its REALLY past. But somehow guys are just like girls too, some times it took them time to heal from a relationship... and they don't want to admit that the still not over their past relationship. Like they said its over but kept comparing you with his ex. Or say its over but kept saying things about her like "oh today its her bday" etc. This is happens on my last LDR.

                            I would be very sad it this is happening AGAIN to me-especially like i said, i love my SO so much!

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