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    #1

    been fighting too much

    So this newest fight, among the couple of fights we've gotten into is like this :

    I was playing with a game with one of my friends who doesn't like him. She basically called him a betch, or immature or something and they were arguing back in forth in messages I was unaware of until he told me about it. He wanted me to stop talking to her because she disrespected him or whatever. I didnt think their arguments were a big deal especially when he was kind of being immature about it. But anyway after a little debate I did stop talking to her. That was a couple of months ago.
    Now that it had been awhile she contact me and asked me to play a game with her and I did. And now he's mad again because I "broke a promise" not to play with her again. I just thought he would've got over it by now is all. So we had this long conversation this morning and I thought we were done with it. Then the friend sent him another message calling him a cry baby and she deleted me from her contact list because I told her I was trying to make him happy. And as soon as I thought we were done with this. we're not >.<
    And I guess to get back at me he's in a private chat with one of the girls I dont like because she asked him to be her bf (thats what he told me anyway)

    Im really starting to second guess being with him, this is insanely stupid
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    #2
    Wow !
    I feel like your "friend" is not worth to keep in touch with. I mean, if she really was your friend, she wouldn't have act like this, neither insulting him...
    Your relationship has nothing to do with her, but she judges it, or him... This is not how a REAL friend should act. A REAL friend is someone who will always give you support, even if he/she doesnt agree with your choices.

    Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but I understand your boyfriend, and I would have probably reacted the same.
    For the "broken promise", I admit, he reacted a bit immaturely.

    Now what I would do if I were in your situation, meet eachother on Skype, spend enough time to say everything you have on your heart. Tell him what you didn't like, and then let him telling you what he didn't like... Then, you will both be aware of the feelings of the other, and from that point you'll be able to do wha'ts necessary to make the situation better.

    I hope this helped you !

    Comment

      #3
      Originally posted by Cucaratcha View Post
      Wow !
      I feel like your "friend" is not worth to keep in touch with. I mean, if she really was your friend, she wouldn't have act like this, neither insulting him...
      Your relationship has nothing to do with her, but she judges it, or him... This is not how a REAL friend should act. A REAL friend is someone who will always give you support, even if he/she doesnt agree with your choices.

      Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but I understand your boyfriend, and I would have probably reacted the same.
      For the "broken promise", I admit, he reacted a bit immaturely.

      Now what I would do if I were in your situation, meet eachother on Skype, spend enough time to say everything you have on your heart. Tell him what you didn't like, and then let him telling you what he didn't like... Then, you will both be aware of the feelings of the other, and from that point you'll be able to do wha'ts necessary to make the situation better.

      I hope this helped you !
      Um Excuse me???? She was bad friend??? NO ONE should be able to tell you who you can be friends with. I seriously hope you don't do that to your SO.

      RED FLAG ALERT


      Trying to separate you from friends and family is a telltale sign on an ABUSIVE PARTNER. NO ONE should be able to tell you who you can and can't be friends with, except you.

      You may be in an abusive relationship if he or she:
      Is jealous or possessive toward you.
      (Jealousy is the primary symptom of abusive relationships; it is also a core component of Sexual Addictions and Love Addiction.)
      Tries to control you by being very bossy or demanding.
      Tries to isolate you by demanding you cut off social contacts and friendships.
      Is violent and / or loses his or her temper quickly.
      Pressures you sexually, demands sexual activities you are not comfortable with.
      Abuses drugs or alcohol.
      Claims you are responsible for his or her emotional state. (This is a core diagnostic criteria for Codependency.)
      Blames you when he or she mistreats you.
      Has a history of bad relationships.
      Your family and friends have warned you about the person or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being.
      You frequently worry about how he or she will react to things you say or do.
      Makes "jokes" that shame, humiliate, demean or embarrass you, weather privately or around family and friends.
      Your partner grew up witnessing an abusive parental relationship, and/or was abused as a child.
      Your partner "rages" when they feel hurt, shame, fear or loss of control.
      Both parties in abusive relationships may develop or progress in drug or alcohol dependence in a (dysfunctional) attempt to cope with the pain.
      You leave and then return to your partner repeatedly, against the advice of your friends, family and loved ones.
      You have trouble ending the relationship, even though you know inside it's the right thing to do.

      Honestly Lady I've been reading every single thing you post about him and it's come to me more than once that this is an abusive relationship. You can tell me to fuck off, but as someone who has been in an abusive relationship what you are writing sounds very very familiar to me.
      "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love " ~ Theodore Seuss Geisel.

      Comment

        #4
        She basically called him a betch, or immature or something and they were arguing back in forth in messages I was unaware of until he told me about it.
        The friend was insulting her boyfriend.
        For me this isn't how we call a friend...

        You misunderstood.

        Comment

          #5
          To be honest, I wouldn't call that person a friend, and I wouldn't call your SO a supportive partner.

          Like Rugger, several of your posts have bothered me for the same reason. You have been on LFAD for 2 weeks and you have created 7 threads all which were about similar issues with your SO. This is a supportive place, and I am happy to give you advice on whatever you need. But I think when a relationship is full of this much negativity, it is time to reexamine the relationship.

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by Cucaratcha View Post
            The friend was insulting her boyfriend.
            For me this isn't how we call a friend...

            You misunderstood.
            Demanding she stop being friends with her is a bit extreme. You can't expect your SO and every single one of your friends to get along.
            "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love " ~ Theodore Seuss Geisel.

            Comment

              #7
              I see where both Rugger and Cucarachta are coming from. I mean I wouldn't want to be a friend with someone who is constantly yelling at me or at my SO because she doesn't like him. If my friend was doing that and my SO was bothered by it, I'd probably cut them off myself. That's just disrespectful, hateful, and immature. I don't want to associate with people like that.

              But in Rugger's point of view, I understand why being told who you should and who you shouldn't be friends with is pretty bad. Because if Rugger is right and this IS an abusive relationship, then this bad mouth friend is probably right! I don't recall your other posts, but if there's more than one person on here telling you they see signs of an abusive relationship, you might want to take a real look at it. You are certainly not the first poster who has had this sort of situation.

              Good luck in whatever you decide!

              Comment

                #8
                The best thing to do is to speak with him and tell him everything you don't like... and then you see what he says...
                Maybe he's "lost" in is mind, needs some talk and to be reassured... but if you want to go forward, either with him or without him, and to stop worrying, then share your feelings with him !

                Comment

                  #9
                  I have to agree with Rugger's post it sounds like it's turning into an abusive relationship. I've been in abusive relationships in the past and all of your posts have little hints about that.

                  Also you need to rethink your relationship with this guy and you need to do it now, not in a couple of days, you need to decide if what you are going through now is worth it for you in the long run.




                  Treasuretrooper <-- how I helped pay for some of my LDR expenses when I was in one.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Yeah he sounds pretty immature... and I agree with Rugger...

                    The titles of your posts:

                    It Could Be Jealousy
                    Thinking About Letting Him Go
                    Sir Douchington Ride Again
                    Gah! I Just Want to Strangle Him With My Shoe Laces!!
                    Been Fighting Too Much
                    Our visit just pushed back again
                    That was just ... slightly awkward

                    The waiting until a week before he's scheduled to come see you to cancel (had he even made travel arrangements?) the porno movie not asking you first... the whole thing hun... There is way more to life.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I probably shouldn't fan the flames to this, but I wanted to give some personal insight about 'bad friends'.

                      My best friend of 9 years turned ugly toward my SO out of jealousy that I had someone and she didn't. She accused him of wanting to rape, kill, hurt, and throw me to his friends for sloppy seconds. She also called me a whore for being with him. I told my SO every insult and all he told me was he lost respect for her and he couldn't dictate who I was friends with. Eventually I did sever ties with her, but it was for other reasons. Having something as simple as an insult battle over messenger is nothing to ruin a friendship about. And I agree with Rugger that his reaction basically sends up a huge red flag in the controlling/abusive department. We all have people we don't like that they hang out with, or at least a good enough majority do to have it be a common subject around here, but we can NEVER force our SOs, nor they us, to leave anyone in our lives. They can ask and give a reason, but it is always up to us.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        I've read your posts and how the relationship has progressed, and I confess I am a little concerned. I too see the red flags, but in the end, only you can see if those are truly concerns or if they're only signs of immaturity/other issues. I guess what I would say is while no one can dictate if you should stay in your relationship, and only you know if it's worth staying in, but remember - relationships are there to uplift us and enrich our lives, not make them more difficult. Issues will come and go, but on-going personality conflicts are another thing. I think you need to sit and really ask yourself if the problems outweigh the pleasure, or if the joys outweigh these problems. I think another thing ot ask yourself is if the problems are solvable, or if you think they'll just continue.

                        We're here for you either way. But if he exhibits more controlling behavior please, get out. No person is worth feeling like that for.


                        LFAD Book Challenge: 34/100 Complete

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