That love/hate line thingie

[Sano]

I always hear people talk about the thin line between love and hate. Its thin alright and Im stepping on it ... or stumbling over it

[NikkiP]

sweetie... grrr.........

Why are you putting yourself through this?!

[Silviar]

If you're stumbling over a love/hate line this early in your relationship, love, it's... well, it's not a good sign. I'm not going to say you're not good for each other, or that you need to break up, although the content of your posts and your unhappiness concerns me. Only you know if your relationship issues are fixable and if they're worth putting up with for the good times. I do have a few things I'd like to say to you, heart to heart, from my experiences, and I hope you'll consider what I'm saying.

I'm 26. I've gotten married and been divorced once already, been in about a dozen relationships prior to that, and I've been the go to person for all of my friends regarding their relationship woes. I've seen a lot of life, both myself and my friends, and if there's one thing I've learned is that in a healthy, balanced, committed relationship, there is no love/hate line. There are times or issues you would lovingly strangle them over, there are occasionally fights and even sometimes there are big deals which may come up, but you handle them as a team. Even when you disagree, in a healthy relationship you can walk away without feeling like you have lost/will lose a chunk of you.

There are many people in relationships, including marriages, who choose to walk the love/hate line. I have one old friend who is married to a guy she love/hates. Their relationship works for them; everyone around them finds them dysfunctional and difficult to be around given how they treat one another. And everyone hates seeing how unhappy the husband makes her. She sticks around because she thinks that's how it's supposed to be.

My ex-husband wasn't a supportive partner. I kept telling myself it would be fine, even as I took over 98% of the household chores, the cooking, and generally catering to my little boy of a husband. I thought if I kept working hard and held up my portion, he'd eventually come around as long as we kept 'talking about it'. Talking does no good without action. There were many times I had resentful emotions towards him and there was definitely a love/hate line. Leaving him was still the hardest thing I did; yet despite everything I lost, regaining myself was worth it. I am so much happier, stable, and I have a partner now who cherishes and loves me, and treats both myself and our relationship with respect.

What I'm saying here is you have a choice. If you want to stick with him and deal with the turbulence - you can, that's your choice. But in the end, I hope you'll weigh the pros and cons of whether the relationship really makes you happy, and if you can honestly say a rough patch or these down things don't measure up to the happiness you have together, then there you go. But it's all in how you handle it, together and separately, that speaks to the value of your relationship. And right now, you two sound deeply in debt.

[tiffinnie]

Even when you disagree, in a healthy relationship you can walk away without feeling like you have lost/will lose a chunk of you.

I kept telling myself it would be fine, even as I took over 98% of the household chores, the cooking, and generally catering to my little boy of a husband. I thought if I kept working hard and held up my portion, he'd eventually come around as long as we kept 'talking about it'. Talking does no good without action. There were many times I had resentful emotions towards him and there was definitely a love/hate line. Leaving him was still the hardest thing I did; yet despite everything I lost, regaining myself was worth it.

I went through that too after closing the distance of my 1st LDR... I was drowning. I wanted so much to satisfy him and make things work... In the end, it was better that I left. If they don't chase you when you walk away, if they don't try to keep you around and consider your feelings in what they are doing then it is not by any means worth it.

However, unless she is ready to let go, us telling her all of this will do absolutely no good.
Ask yourself one of the most important questions... Do you deserve this?

I spent 3 years making excuses and telling everyone "oh, he said this because I...." and "he did this because..." but those were just my attempts to make myself look less stupid... hindsight : it made me look even more stupid... I tried to prove everyone wrong, but the only thing I did was prove to everyone that I was wrong.

I hope things work out for you, good luck!