Actually kind of irritated... rant!

[lucybelle]

(I feel like I've been posting too much... but here I go again! hehe)

I just joined the visajourney website thanks to some suggestions on here, and after reading through some of the posts realized that the plan my SO and I had to close the distance probably won't work. The plan was for him to come here on his tourist visa for 6 months, go home for a month, come back for 6 months. Well turns out that you have to stay out of the country as long as you were in it (as a rule of thumb so they don't think you're living here... which is what he would be doing...)

So I mentioned it to him tonight on Skype and he was all upset and worried. He asked where I found the information and I told him about the forum. Turns out he got HIS information from ONE friend. It just sort of made me mad. I mean did you not do ANY research, just took this girl's word? And even if it worked for her, policies change all the time, shouldn't you look into it? He asked me if I had been crying... no I haven't been crying, I've been mad that you didn't actually READ anything on visas. (I didn't actually say that to him...)

So now he says he's going to go ask his friend again. I was like "umm.. I'll probably just call the embassy..." He says "oh do that please." Ugh. Why don't YOU call the embassy? (I know I know I had just offered to call it... but when you're irritated everything piles up doesn't it?) Alright I guess I'm a little frustrated over something that's not a big deal, but it just seems like he hasn't put much time into actually thinking about this. You can't just waltz in and out of the USA anytime you want as you please. I mean if I had never decided to double check this "plan" of ours, then we could have been in a real sticky situation.

I think this is the first time I've ever been irritated with my SO. First of many I'm sure (especially if he ever manages to move in with me... )

[Zephii]

I hear you on this. My SO has barely thought about getting his visa for next year and seems to think it'll be a cakewalk when the time comes.
Have patience We piss them off just as much as they piss us off. (or I hope so!)

[Dauntedpoet]

okay if his 'friend' tells him she's done that anytime since 2001 she's NOT telling him the truth. I have been there done that. PLEASE please have him check with the embassy.

[garnet]

Immigration is such a stressful thing. From what I can tell, one half of the couple generally tends to do most of the leg work, and that can really get on the nerves of the one doing it.

As most of you know, Rane and I are heading to our FINAL interview tomorrow morning. For the green card. We've spent the past very long year dealing with immigration.

For his K1 visa, I did the paperwork, I did the research, I stressed 24/7. (In fairness, HE is the one that went to the medical exam, he is the one that went to the interview in Vancouver, he is the one that packed his life up and moved to be with me!) He knows though, that I would get so annoyed that he wasn't reading up on what was going on. He didn't quite know what step we were on, or what was coming next all of the time. It wasn't that I needed help, I was just feeling alone in the leg work to get it all moving. There is sooooo much, and it is so tedious. Really, having two people work on it would probably make it harder. But it definitely pushed my buttons (maybe I wasn't being reasonable).

My advice is to not let him get information. :P It would suck if he was taking the word of bad sources. Get your own info, and keep plugging away.

Good luck on your immigration quest!

[lucybelle]

Immigration is such a stressful thing. From what I can tell, one half of the couple generally tends to do most of the leg work, and that can really get on the nerves of the one doing it.

(In fairness, HE is the one that went to the medical exam, he is the one that went to the interview in Vancouver, he is the one that packed his life up and moved to be with me!)

Thanks guys! I already feel better this morning, which I knew I would. Those two things stuck out to me the most. I DO feel like I'm doing more of the work, but maybe that's for the best since I've traveled way more than he has and know where to look for real answers.

The second part you said "he packed up his life and moved to be with me" is something my SO is constantly saying to me. I don't know if he thinks it's romantic but it's kind of getting on my nerves. Yes I think it's beautiful and wonderful, but it's also HIS decision. I'm sort of worried when he gets here he might hang it over my head "Well IIIII moved here for YOUUU and you can't even do (insert task) for me?" Because the honest truth is, for me it's not that big of a deal. I've already lived abroad, and LOVED it. Plus, I plan on doing it more in the near future. So for me getting all my stuff and moving to another country would just be another fun adventure. The other thing is, it's not a permanent move. I'm going to be moving back to his country with him in another year. And to me it's not a big deal. It's actually very exciting for me!

hm... See what I'm saying?

Oh and good luck with the final interview!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Silviar]

I've found that in relationships there's generally one person who's the organizer/planner when it comes to visas, and the other person's planning style leaves something to be desired usually. I'm the planner in our relationship. It's actually a good thing, because Matt's easy-goingness makes me relax and stop being so uptight. On the other hand, we both read through the partner migration booklet to talk about our visa options. There's easy-going, and then there's lazy.

I think, however, in your case you have a right to be upset. He doesn't have to be an expert, but he really should do some reading. I'm sure it also makes you feel like you're not important because he didn't slog through all of the hard stuff. I also think him asking you to do the embassy stuff was a tad lazy. Offer to do it together perhaps, or maybe this is a good indicator of the type of person he is - only you can decide that.

Look at it this way - the red tape is the hardest stuff to get through. If you can handle it, you can handle anything!