The last thread I posted acutally brought up another question...Currently my SO & I are FB friends, it's what brought us back together after 20 years & was a wonderful way to catch up, share old and new pics...it was great. But now, I see all the petty infantile stuff that goes on in FB & I get upset about it. I've found that when I'm really upset & thinking our relationship is over it's because of some stupid thing I saw on FB & blew it out of proportion in my mind. When we talk on Skype, e-mail or are physically together things are wonderful. I'm considering talking to him about unfriending him, it seems that FB served its purpose in getting us back together, but is now more trouble than it's worth. I'm considering talking to him about unfriending him. Has anyone else done this? Actually unfriended or just talked about it? Did it help/hurt?
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Hmm, I dont know about unfriending. But I know what problems Facebook can cause.
In my opinion Facebook is the playground we were meant to have left behind as children.
But basically now we are adults and what we need to try and do is take all the childish, petty, idiotic comments and things and disregard them for what we know to be true.
Difficult I know - much easier said than done, but there it is.my 2 cents worth
Tea and hugs make the world go round - don't ever discount the little things in life. 
Smiling away to oneself brings an obscene amount of joy when only you know the reason why your smiling. Pick something secret to smile about and let it light up your face all day long!
And remember....Love really IS all around.
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LOL.....You are absolutely right!! I know he loves me, I know he's honest with me...so I really need to stop looking for something to go wrong. Thanks!Comment
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I've never had any Facebook situations with my SO but I've heard a lot of people have had problems with their SO because of Facebook. I think it just depends what type of person you are, but I wouldn't unfriend your SO because they could take major offense at it, even though you don't mean to be, they might not get where you're coming from.
Good luck, and welcome to LFAD too!
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If you think it would help prevent any drama in your relationship you can bring up the subject of unfriending or even using the feature of hiding certain content from each other you know would upset them, etc.
I know FB keeps suggesting my SO as a friend (he deleted his first account a month after he gave me the link and we friended each other but he made another, I guess to talk to coworkers and friends again) but I never try to. I didn't even tell him I knew he made a new one, I don't care and I trust him enough to not need to know whatever silliness he posts on FB just like I'm sure he doesn't care what I post. As mentioned, FB causes a LOT of drama and a lot of anger and hurt and really it's silly.Comment
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I've thought about doing the same thing....
It causes far more trouble than its worth, but then it is nice sometimes to be able to message my SO over it and see her latest photo's... hmmm....Comment
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I'm just going to play it by ear, maybe talk to him about it when I go see him in January...at least let him know some of the things I see bother me. Thanks for all the comments.Comment
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I probably wouldn't do it because I like to chat with him on facebook sometimes, and I just like to be in the know (or you could call it nosy - lol). Plus, my SO isn't a really frequent facebook user and he doesn't do anything shady via facebook. I figure that with us being in a LDR, I will take any connection to him I can get.
If you feel it would put your mind at ease, maybe it is something to consider. At the same time, at least being his friend on facebook doesn't leave you in the dark with what goes on via facebook... you won't be left wondering like you would be if you were to de-friend him.
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I had the same problem. Me and my SO talked about boundaries. What you can say to others on facebook that isn't flirty or will make the other suspicious. We also went through and deleted all the other sites we were apart of that we met people from that we were 'friendly' with. It helped a lot cuz I don't worry as much or think something is up and neither does he.
I wouldn't go as far as unfriending him, talk about it and have an open and honest conversation. Tell him what bugs you and have him do the same and make changes. LDR's take some sacrifices.Comment
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Facebook is like anything really, it is a tool that can be used for good or ill. Yes I have an account and my SO/Wife is a friend on there, though neither of us use it very often.
I can understand why you would want to unfriend your SO on facebook. There is just so much juvenile junk on there it is enough to drive a person crazy. But I think unfriending him may cause more harm than good, even if you talk it over with him first he may still feel that you are trying to shut him out of part of your life. That can be a very dangerous thing to do and can lead to arguments.
What I suggest you do is ignore the cat-calls, the "I love you's" on his facebook page. They are either from people over using the word "love" or are from jealous girls who want to break you up. Don't get angry at him for what others say, instead laugh at them. I know it seems easy for me to say, but my wife's FB page has some of her ex boyfriends on and they try it with us. I laugh and find it funny, but then I trust my wife implicitly.
I suppose thats the key to any relationship. Trust. In a LDR Trust is key, if you cannot trust then it will fail. Trust your SO, revel in his love (and wave it in others faces if you feel so inclined) and revel in loving him back and everything will be just fine.
Love is the only thing that can cross all boundaries and cannot be stopped. It crosses countries, continents, oceans and even the stars themselves. It makes peace in the middle of war, and stops hatred in it's tracks. -Anon
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. - Apostle Paul in his first letter to the Church at Corinth (1 Corinthians 13:3-5)Comment
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Facebook is like anything really, it is a tool that can be used for good or ill. Yes I have an account and my SO/Wife is a friend on there, though neither of us use it very often.
I can understand why you would want to unfriend your SO on facebook. There is just so much juvenile junk on there it is enough to drive a person crazy. But I think unfriending him may cause more harm than good, even if you talk it over with him first he may still feel that you are trying to shut him out of part of your life. That can be a very dangerous thing to do and can lead to arguments.
What I suggest you do is ignore the cat-calls, the "I love you's" on his facebook page. They are either from people over using the word "love" or are from jealous girls who want to break you up. Don't get angry at him for what others say, instead laugh at them. I know it seems easy for me to say, but my wife's FB page has some of her ex boyfriends on and they try it with us. I laugh and find it funny, but then I trust my wife implicitly.
I suppose thats the key to any relationship. Trust. In a LDR Trust is key, if you cannot trust then it will fail. Trust your SO, revel in his love (and wave it in others faces if you feel so inclined) and revel in loving him back and everything will be just fine.
Love is the only thing that can cross all boundaries and cannot be stopped. It crosses countries, continents, oceans and even the stars themselves. It makes peace in the middle of war, and stops hatred in it's tracks. -Anon
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. - Apostle Paul in his first letter to the Church at Corinth (1 Corinthians 13:3-5)Comment
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WOW....a lot of conflicting opinions on this, but All good advice. It IS what other people say/do not so much what I see from him - it is something we need to talk about, but maybe unfriending is going a little too far. The common thread is whether or not I trust him and I do, more than I've ever trusted anyone. I just need to talk to him about it & I feel strongly that we need to be face to face for this conversation, so it's got to wait til January and patience is not exactly my strong suit! LOLComment
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If I were you, I would just block his stuff from coming up on your wall so that you do not see it all of the time. Then, I would suggest stopping yourself whenever you want to look at his page. I think unfriending him is a bit harsh, but then again I do not know your entire situation. The question is whether or not you have a valid reason to get upset over his posts--which I do not know.Comment
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Hi, Andrea. It seems like Facebook comes up as a trouble tool in many of my forum and blog posts on here. I am prone to jealousy and hurt feelings and Facebook can really be a catalyst for those two things when it comes to my LDR. (Just some background on me, since I haven't talked to you before) Before my SO and I were official and we had some turmoil with being on and off again (I was always on and he was usually the on and off one), I actually felt so tormented that I unfriended him not only from Facebook, but from any other website or IM service we ever shared in common (it seems drastic with out the full background story). Now (I would say it is just about a year since the roller coaster ended, though he and I didn't become official until several months later), though, I think that he is a lot more open about his affection for me, clearing up misunderstandings, or being less secretive about it and that does make me feel a lot better. Still, as I have said, Facebook does keep cropping up in fights and poor feelings. Yet, I also think that there are some things about it that are really positive for us; for instance, we can share in our daily lives, have a presence as a couple in a "public" way, get to know each other's friends and family, have bonding time over silly games, and it has brought up delicate issues that need to be discussed (no matter how upsetting they may be) sometimes before they could have been as disastrous as they could have been.
I like Bluestars' idea, as I think that not having constant flashes in your news feed could be a good thing (I've done that with some used-to-be-best-friends-and-now-are-treacherous-frenemies and it has helped). In fact, I might even try that myself with him (though, he doesn't always post that much himself). Stick with having him on Facebook, but do take useful strategies like the one above and also figure out a way to talk to him and maybe work out some parameters that help you both feel happy with each other's Facebook use. Further (I know others are going to be angry at me for saying this...and it isn't my intention...I just want to put another viewpoint out there, so calm down and have a cookie
), and this is opinion and is biased (but aren't all opinions, really?), since I wouldn't even feel comfortable doing that falling backwards trust exercise with my Mom (whom I consider to be one of the few, if not only, kindred spirits in my life), but I don't think trust should be blind and all-consuming. There are such things as self-preservation, common sense, and human curiosity. Of course trust is essential to a healthy relationship, though I do think it is healthy for one to be able to question and discuss things that affect his or her person and his or her relationship.
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