need a little help

[misscaitlin906]

This is going to take me a little bit of time because i am not sure how to write it all out. Me and my boyfriend have been together for four years now and he was so super romantic and cute for the longest time but it's basically stopped. it doesn't even really feel like a relationship anymore.. i talked to him about this and he said something along the lines of it's hard because were not together and he thought maybe he needed a break so that it would bring the romance back. (i still am not sure what his idea of a break would have been but we didn't take one) i feel like i have to fish for compliments and i just really miss the romantic side of him and our relationship. i'm really starting to feel like i'm in a deep rut and i don't know what to do. I would give anything to just move forward and try to hurry up as far as getting married and living together but idk theres just so many different things. theres another thing but ill save that for another post..

sorry its so long and thanks for reading. i just need some help or opinions. idk..

[Gurl]

My theory is that most men need specifics. I have no clue how specific you got with him, but to tell a guy you want them to be more romantic often meets with little change. Instead, try giving an example of something he's done before (in a reminiscing sort of way) then say how much you liked that, how much it meant to you, how it made you feel....Or say how you miss that sometimes. Odds are good he will get the not so subtle hint.

Hope you can get things back on the track you'd like.

[misscaitlin906]

ive been more then blunt..thats the problem

thanks.

[Caitlin2009]

remind him and yourself that you have been doing this for 4 years long distance, thats longer then most of us which means you both have had to work extra hard at maintaining your relationship all those years, i think a visit if either of you can afford it is what this has come down to, it sounds like you need one so why not plan for one and maybe after and during the visit you can rekindle that flame. whats preventing you from moving in with one another?

[misscaitlin906]

well i was over there the end of november and he's suppose to be here for new years.
my parents..there very old school and do not want me living with him until were married.
and i need to finish my degree..

[Cucaratcha]

I agree with Caitlin !
Look, you'll see him soon... You must tell him everything you feel... it has been 4 years, it's a proof you both love each other a lot !

[Caitlin2009]

well i was over there the end of november and he's suppose to be here for new years.
my parents..there very old school and do not want me living with him until were married.
and i need to finish my degree..

well focus on him coming on New Years, and then work everything out on that trip well your 20 years old which by law makes you an adult so you dont have to listen to them

[Silviar]

A break isn't going to magically fix your problems. I would sit down and think about what things make you specifically feel like the romance is still there and I would give him 3 specific things that you need in order to feel good in your relationship - maybe it's 20 minutes on Skype exchanging sweet nothings, or it's getting small gifts/flowers...you'll figure it out.

I think the biggest complicator is that at 4 years LDR, even the most romantic man may be at a loss at how to effectively communicate romance at a distance. Is he romantic when you're together, or is it only a struggle when you're apart?

[misscaitlin906]

A break isn't going to magically fix your problems. I would sit down and think about what things make you specifically feel like the romance is still there and I would give him 3 specific things that you need in order to feel good in your relationship - maybe it's 20 minutes on Skype exchanging sweet nothings, or it's getting small gifts/flowers...you'll figure it out.

I think the biggest complicator is that at 4 years LDR, even the most romantic man may be at a loss at how to effectively communicate romance at a distance. Is he romantic when you're together, or is it only a struggle when you're apart?

i know and i dont know what he was thinking about a break. hes not even romantic when were together anymore..
the past two days have been bad with yesterday being the worst..things are not going well and it's hard because we have no time to talk.