3 days and counting, I feel like I am losing my mind.

[IggyPunk]

Hello All. I am new here and haven't posted very much. Just starting my LDR soon. I am having a hard time right now grasping this change. My SO and I have been together for a year and we have lived together for 7 months. I was just getting used to my new home, and developing a routine when he gets a job in another state that is requesting him to start ASAP. He is leaving to move in three days, and I am having to find another place to live. Seems like everything is turning upside down all at once.

I know that we are not that far from each other in the grand scheme of things. I know that I plan on relocating to live with him, providing that our relationship continues this course.

Its just so hard. How do I know that things wont change and that we will continue this relationship, how do I know that he isn't going to meet some other person and decide that the convenience of distance is better suited than being in an LDR with me. He knows im having a hard time with the change, my doubts and fears, and we have even set down and hashed out what each other needs. I need lots of reassurance that he loves me, and he needs patience from me and commitment. I do agree that I do not have a high patience tolerance. Its usually a pretty short fuse, and I am working on that.

I just feel like he is going to move and forget all about me, and I just cant help feeling that way or keep my mind from coming up with ridiculous elaborate scenarios.

For all of you out there that have had to or had your SO move away for a job in another state, how did you cope with the change and not drive yourself nuts thinking that it was the end?

[samglam209]

Everyone goes crazy when it's first starting and whether you're the one moving or not you're going to think they will find someone else. You have to have self confidence and know he wouldn't want to stay with you through the distance if he didn't truly love you.
Just try to spend as much time with him as possible right now and when he leaves keep busy. It's good that you are discussing what each of you will need and I hope everything works out for you. Welcome to LFAD!

[IggyPunk]

Thanks for the reply. Not trying to be a downer , just cant help but think these things. Honestly I am sure that once the dust settles from the adjustment things will be fine.

[Silviar]

Your questions are good ones - and you know, you could ask yourself those same things even when SD. Relationships change and grow in many directions depending on how life takes them. And you know you'll be ok because of the love and trust you and your partner have built as part of your committed relationship. What you're feeling is normal - stressful, but normal. I think you need to find a way to stop focusing on the negative and focus on the positive and what you can do in order to make the transition smooth/happy for you both.

Change is part of life, and you HAVE to find a way to handle it/deal with it. Is your anxiety extreme enough that maybe you should consider therapy? It can happen.

[IggyPunk]

Thank you Silviar for your reply. I agree with your post in its entirety. I have thought "How would I handle this as if I were a friend giving out advice for this type of situation?" I would respond with "Focus on the positive, and as long as you have confidence in yourself and your commitment to the relationship things will be fine." and then I would ask "Is it worth it?" Of course its worth it! I have no literal doubts about his commitment to me, hasn't broken my trust once in our relationship thus far. Its just sad to think about someone you have grown attached to seeing everyday, waking up and going to bed with leave to live in another place and call home. At least there is still a relationship, which is better than the alternative. People do it everyday. There is no right or wrong answer, and no one can decide your mind for you. Its just lonely. I know I can do it. I know that in the end our relationship will be better for it, deep committed love reciprocated and can stand any distance. Thank you all for your responses.

BTW, He left today. On his way, as I write this, to his destination. It was hard, especially seeing the empty house...we got to see each other for a whole ten minutes before he left. I had to work all day so I didn't even get to help him load up. I know its hard now, but each day will get easier.

[Silviar]

I understand how you feel. My boyfriend and I lived together for 2 months, while he was here in America for the first time, and he left for back home two weeks ago. It was difficult for me, too. There are so many things we may or may not realize we come to lean on our partners for, and it's hard, there's no doubt.

But I tell you what. At first you do your routine out of necessity. Then it gets easier, you cry a little less. Pretty soon you're actually enjoying things. It just takes adjusting.

*hugs*

[IggyPunk]

I agree, and merry christmas