we were dating a year and now I'm in an LDR HELP!

[Jackie-O-hio]

I feel like a ton of the advice section and advice on line in general is directed towards people who are in an LDR with someone they have never met. (geared towards on line daters).
My situation is different and having a REALLY hard time finding advice for people in my same situation.

I've been friends with my boyfriend for years! Im now 23 and I've known him since I was 15. we started dating last year and I would say we have an amazing relationship.

we spoke about him looking for a new job and he was offered an amazing position in a job in another state. Before he left we discussed living together and advancing our relationship after he was settled in and after learning the ropes at the new job.

I went from being about to see him 4 days a week and talking everyday(phone) staying together several times a week to - txting every day one phone call a week and we are going to try skyping this week.

needless to say I've turned into a crazy person!!!!!

it feels like I had to back peddle my relationship- (Even though it's only a short term LDR) it's been two month and feels like a YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!

How do we stay connected??? I need to see him and hear his voice- I have so much respect for people who are in committed long distance relationship with people they've never met but I've met mine and I miss him terribly I really need help so we can both stay sane through this transition!!!

Jackie-O-hio

[samglam209]

Don't worry I'm in the same position we were together for 3 years until I had to move away for college.
Skype is a really nice way to feel like you are actually there with them. Try to do that atleast once a week or so. And talk on the phone every day that you don't skype. It WILL get easier as time goes on. I went crazy when I first moved as well but it will get easier as time goes on. Plan a visit and plan for moving there and it wont seem like as long.
Keep busy. Go out with friends. Get into work or school. Join the gym and work on a hobby. The busier you are the less you will think about your SO.
I hope it gets better for you. Welcome to LFAD!

[Silviar]

Welcome to LFAD, Jackie. I just wanted to quickly clarify - there are quite a few people here in the same situation as you, and even with people who've met online, many (possibly the majority) have met their SO. You have a lot in common with many of our members.

It sounds like you've identified your biggest needs - seeing him and hearing his voice. I can't recommend Skype or another video chat program of your choice enough for this. I would also make sure you set up regular dates to spend quality time together talking together. Virtual dates are a lot of fun - I would also try out some of the things listed on the things for LDR couples to do. You'll enjoy it.

[Dziubka]

Me and my SO had been dating for 2 months before I moved away and it became long distance. It was terribly hard for be in the beginning and I felt so lonley without him. I'm not saying it has become easier, I still miss my boyfriend like hell, but I learnt to cope with it. Like samglam said: keep busy, meet your friends, work out, plan your next trip, etc.
Think of little surprises that you can make him, to feel closer and more connected. I sometimes send my boyfriend pictures of my (empty) bed and tell him that he's missing there, take photos of the food I make for myself/my roommate and tell him that I'd share with him. I also buy little presents when I stumble upon something he might like or buy lingerie or other clothes that I plan on wearing when I go to see him. That way I feel that he's still part of my life every day and every minute, even though he can't be here with me.
Since my internet is mostly too crappy for skype (I live in a dorm, we have free net, but yeah it's nothing anyone would pay for anyway), he uses skype to call me on my phone. We speak almost everyday at least for like 20mins, longer on weekends or when we have a bit more time.

[lucybelle]

I, too, knew my SO before we went LD. We chatted online for about a year and a half before we started using Skype. And let me tell you it is a WORLD of a difference. We're both confused as to why we didn't try earlier. Since my SO lives in a different country, we don't call/text each other very often. Skype has been super great. Get yourself a web cam if you don't have one!

[Butterfly]

Welcome, Jackie. Trust me, I know how you feel. I dated my SO for 4 years while we were closed distance until we entered a LDR.

I believe in some ways, it's harder. You know how wonderful it is to be together and how great things could be if only you were together. It can really be so difficult.

As someone in your position, I cannot speak more highly of Skype. It is the closest thing to actually seeing, hearing, hell..even kissing if you want to kiss the screen!, or doing anything with your SO. We cook together, have drinks, watch movies, decorate Christmas stuff, etc. This has helped our relationship immensely. It takes the edge off soo much. Although nothing compares to actually being with one another, this is the next best thing. Plus, it's FREE!

If you haven't tried it yet, DO IT!

[pytsip]

As everyone else has said, Skype is just about the best invention known to couples in LDR's. I've been in a long distance relationship 8 months so far and I'd like to say that it gets easier and in some manners of speaking it does, but that emptiness is still there. I know how you feel and the first few months of not having him here, were the hardest. It's almost like you broke up but you didn't because you're so used to doing everything with that person and then all of a sudden you can't. In that aspect I can assure you that it does get easier. I think recently the one thing that has really helped me is that he and I have finally gotten into the groove of when we talk and it's a pretty set thing. Also the fact that I know I'm going to see him in February.

[Jackie-O-hio]

Thank you EVERYONE!!!!! I didnt think anyone would post- everyone is great. All of these ideas are wonderful and yes SKYPE is in our near future

[Silviar]

Thank you EVERYONE!!!!! I didnt think anyone would post- everyone is great. All of these ideas are wonderful and yes SKYPE is in our near future

You should take a look at the poll I put up about how people got together - I think you'll be pleasantly surprised to see how many people dated their SO close-distance before LDR. You're not alone!

[Luisina]

Welcome to the boards
As you may have noticed so far, we have quite a few CD couples going LD on here, so don't feel out of place!
Actually, your past is eerily similar to ours

We've also known eachother since we were 15 - and started dating age 22..
He went traveling and I'm staying behind - so we went from practially living together to sharing 1-2 of overly expensive texts a day + 1 skype date a week for the first 3 months apart.. I think "CRAZY" is a very accurate word for my mental state back then as well...
(Now, thankfully, he has unlimited internet.. which is a BLESSING..)

I'm just gonna join the growing choir chanting SKYPE.... skype, skype, skype.
Dunno if it's possible, but if ýou both can afford unlimited internet access, it will become your best friend E.g. falling asleep together on webcam is probably the best thing in the world (next after the real deal ofc^^)
But also, just keeping skype running while going along with our daily routines is really nice... Cooking, cleaning, working... it's almost like he's right here with me


You mentioned that it'll be a short-term LDR....? How much longer before you get to see him?

[lisa2337]

this was so great to read! I found out yesterday that my boyfriend is taking a job in San Antonio for 18 months to 2 years. We won't be THAT far apart physically...I'm in Dallas. But the thought of the two of us (and our kids) going from spending so much time together like we do now to sporadic once or twice a month visits seems really overwhelming.

I am CRAZY about this man. I can't imagine anyone being better for me. I'm encouraged that we know how long it will be and how invested we both are in making it work. It's inspiring to read how many of you make it work. Some times opportunities come along that you can't ignore, and this is the case we're in. Both of us agree that this will greatly benefit us financially down the road. I look forward to reading some great advice and positive success stories here!

[Jackie-O-hio]

well we just went our longest time which was 26 days- not bad! But it was intense. He'll be home for the holidays then Im going to see him for New years. After that I'm not sure what our next step is. were trying to make a plan to close the distance- which in it's self might be the hardest thing I've ever done!