Your relationship isn't a real one mentalities

[SamiWami]

blargggg..... I get this all the time from my friend. She's always said it would be so much easier if you went out with a guy closer. I'm not looking for an easy relationship.... In fact i wasn't looking for a relationship! It just happened! In my opinion she says this stuff because she thinks ALL guys are shitty. Like literally ALL guys.... I tell her you know, If you think all guys are shitty then they will live up to your expectations. Anways, going off track. xD I tell her, the heart wants what the heart wants and that it doesn't really matter if you think it's "real" or not. You are not the one dealing with it so just leave it alone and be happy for me.

[hxcbreakdance]

I have not had a problem with that YET but it could always come up and I would be very upset if someone said that to me!

[FadedSunrise]

I think we OURSELVES are currently having a problem with this, and deciding if we want this. I get the feeling, from reading here, that there is no such thing as a fleeting LDR. You get into an LDR, and decide to stay in an LDR because you care on a deeper level. Especially with people in different countries, the giant goal and decision looming in the relationship eventually is "who is going to move(in this case damn far) to be with the other(probably as a married couple)".

Because we're both still young(I'm 20 and he's 25), and especially because I'm still in school and will be for the next 4 or so years, we're not sure we want to string each other through this heartache. Personally, he's 5 yrs older, so he's going to be 5 yrs sooner to arrive at marriage age. I definitely don't want to string him along waiting for a chance to marry me that might never happen. And although I'm young, I'm not afraid of commitment if it eventually feels like the right one. But he's all of the "you're beautiful and amazing, you'll probably meet many more better guys after me" opinion.

So we're not sure if we're ready for an official LDR to be this real to us. Doesn't change the fact that we'll always care about each other a lot-he's constantly telling me to get off the phone and computer, and to take it easy(I don't notice him on when I'm on late at night, but I guess he pops in just to check?). When we vid chat in my morning and it passes his midnight, I tell him to go to sleep and he never listens.

[Sano]

Yeah I think my mom's just waiting for me to stop talking to my bf actually. And my friends insult him a lot, sometimes its warranted but then other times they've actually said they can't wait for us to break up because Im pretty much wasting my time as it is

[pytsip]

Yeah I think my mom's just waiting for me to stop talking to my bf actually. And my friends insult him a lot, sometimes its warranted but then other times they've actually said they can't wait for us to break up because Im pretty much wasting my time as it is

Yeah I get that from some of my friends too. They think that it's just a waste of time and think I should just break up with him because of that.

[Lostintime]

I would have to question the integrity of your friend. If she is willing to make a statement like that without regard to your feelings I would consider openly discussing it with her further and quite possibly putting the brakes on your relationship with her.

I met my love, soulmate and best friend online. We are separated by the ocean. She lives in the UK and I in the USA. We also have an age gap of about 10 years. But we are so close nothing can keep us apart. Our love for each other is our own and I would never compare to anyone else but I will say this. Whether you are in the same room or across a continent love has no boundaries. Ever since we could put pen to paper LDR's have existed. The internet has made the success rate higher and has helped keep the senses alert and alive.

My love and I have talked about how other couples complain when there SO is gone for a few days or even a few weeks. Recently, we had an example of one of her relatives boyfriend had vanished for 2 weeks without saying where he went, what he was doing, or even a simple text. It made us sick because we make sure to talk every day and to vanish for five would never happen (unless emergencies etc).

Simply put: People who never have been in an LDR have no idea what it is or what it is all about. The issue of taking for granted doesn't always apply. The key to any successful relationship is to constantly try, and when your close, sometimes the efforts can be sidetracked by distractions. When you are in an LDR you always have to try, communicate and show the your love that you miss and care about them all the time.

I think you need to reexamine your friendship with that individual rather then wonder if this issues exists. It does, and it's best to try to educate them, but if they still don't understand you do not need that negativity in your life.

Clint

[pytsip]

Clint, I definitely agree with you, this friend started out as one of my best friends, to make a long story short, she and I both moved to Ohio about 3 years ago which is where I met my boyfriend, however at first I was seeing one of his friends and the friend that I speak of was actually in a "friends with benefits" relationship with my current boyfriend. That relationship went on the wayside and she started dating her current boyfriend. However, it was obvious she still had feelings for my boyfriend (we were still not dating) and she became extremely jealous and she and I ended up getting into a huge fight, the cops were called, and I moved out. After that, she and I didn't talk for over a year, in which time I started dating my boyfriend. Since then she and I have become friends again, and I felt that she had changed quite a bit since the whole fight and everything. It's very possible that the whole comment was much more about how she just really doesn't like Andrew for how he treated her, despite how she has stated that he and I are good for each other etc. Possibly she's even trying to "look out" for me because she doesn't think he's a good person. Truth be told when she and I had our falling out, or even a little prior to that, Andrew and I were best friends and I knew him much more personally than she ever did.

Which is also the reason why I did not push the issue when she said it to me, as some of you have said that you would have fired a response back. The fight that she and I got into was not just verbal and she is quite a bit bigger than me, I wasn't trying to get into another brawl over Andrew again.

[Lostintime]

I do feel for you and there is obviously more to the story then we all know. Thank you for sharing some of your thoughts and personal issues. That can help make things more clear. It makes sense what you are saying you are trying to keep the peace. I can appreciate that, sometimes it is better to keep things calm and cool rather then make something into a huge fight.

I just got done writing to my love, as we approach our one year anniversary and your posting actually inspired me to address some issues. I equate relationships to a seed. When you plant the seed it is small and vulnerable and needs quite a bit of attention to grow, and to grow properly. As the the tree grows older it starts to get taller, and is quite sensitive to outside forces. Those outside forces, wind, rain, animals are no different then distance, money, time, friends and family.

If the relationship (tree) can surpass all of those challenges then it will grow so strong that no natural force whatsoever can destroy it. The 300 year old redwood trees in California, USA are a perfect example. Since you have a history and ties to your friend through your boyfriend I would just be cautious and trust your instincts. If she never took the time to get to know someone she was willing to have "benefits" with, which for me is something quite sacred, then she may not put in the full efforts for anyone, even herself. If she can't respect herself she can't respect others.

The biggest thing in all relationships is communication, if she is harboring feelings about the past situation, it needs to be discussed calmly and rationally.

To add a little levity, if shes that much bigger buy a stun gun LOLOL

All joking aside, sounds like you are being cautious and that is understandable. To answer your original question, people who are not in an LDR will never understand it. For me, that is a sign of someone who does not comprehend loyalty. This is 2010 the days of dating the girl/guy next door are over

[__ms.jaye]

UGH , I would have been like excuse me? That's good to know Dan and youself love each other but would he love you from x number of miles away for x amount of time? HMMM? with no physical contact? Suck it bitch. Lol but yes, honestly it has taken my dad some time to digest my whole long distance relationship at first he saw us just as friends, and he used to complain that we we're not in a REAL relationship... although time has passed by and he has come to accept it a little more.. in fact he called Erik my "Hubby" the other day while I was skyping with him. But there is the occasion that he will mention "if I would have just found someone closer..." speech..

[tiffinnie]

"oh your boyfriend lives in Brazil?"
"yes"
"so you've been to Brazil?"
"no."
"then he's been to the US?"
"no."
"then..."
"then that would mean that I have faith in the idea that he isn't a serial killer, rapist, chi-mo, or other hardass criminal. I believe you can love a person by getting to know that person and talking to them. You can develop feelings for someone despite not being close enough to touch."
I hate people sometimes.

its ridiculous. I hate explaining that to people... but at the same time I feel like an idiot when they ask how we met and I say online... because I know they judge right away and automatically write it off as non-existent or me as naive but the problem isn't where I met him at all, the problem is that these people are so fucking small minded and don't believe in REAL love... They believe in the physical aspects of love which is what? sex? I don't need to have sex with a person to know if I'm in love with them! What sense would that make!? You have sex with a person when you're in love with them, its the closest you can be to a person... Sex doesn't define love! Sure, sex is great when you're in love with a person as a way to show them you love them... but the physical closeness doesn't mean a damn thing unless there are emotions and feelings involved. And I know that I can't show him I love him by having sex with him being that we're over 6K miles away from each other but there are other ways to show and tell a person that you love them... Keep in mind that some people wait until after they are married to have sex... not me... but some people... and if you can respect that then why can't you respect that I'm in love with him and can't reach out and touch him <-- not by choice. I swear its people like those idiots that doubt relationships like ours that have either never been in love or are completely mentally ******ed... RAWR!

[Karringtyn]

The one I hear the most is...."When you two actually live day to day together let's see if it actually works...it won't be all lovey dovey..." blah.

[__ms.jaye]

The one I hear the most is...."When you two actually live day to day together let's see if it actually works...it won't be all lovey dovey..." blah.

OMG I KNOW, yes yes yes I agree with this completely !!

[sabby64]

People said that at the beginning of our LDR, after only being together for 3 weeks. I just ignored it because the opinions of other people really have no bearing on my relationship, and they don't know what they;re talking about because chances are they've never been long distance before. The people who have, like everyone here, knows what it's like and knows that it's real, and they are who you should listen to, not your friend who gets sad over 3 days, because your situations are too different to be able to judge eachothers relationships.

[samglam209]

That's so messed up of your "friend" to say. I haven't gotten this from any of my friends because we started CD and all my friends love my boyfriend. But when I moved some of my new "friends"(basically just people at my school) were like "Oh he's cheating on you, long distance never works" I don't listen to them. I love my boyfriend so much and I'm so glad all my friends and family are supportive. My family loves him and his family loves me. His mom tells me all the time that she's proud of me for moving and following my dreams.

[pytsip]

That's so messed up of your "friend" to say. I haven't gotten this from any of my friends because we started CD and all my friends love my boyfriend. But when I moved some of my new "friends"(basically just people at my school) were like "Oh he's cheating on you, long distance never works" I don't listen to them. I love my boyfriend so much and I'm so glad all my friends and family are supportive. My family loves him and his family loves me. His mom tells me all the time that she's proud of me for moving and following my dreams.

My boyfriend and i started cd too. Which is why the comment from her was even more ridiculous than ever. I mean, maybe I shouldn't have been comparing my 8 months of him being gone to her 3 days, but its just kinda annoying to me when people are like "oh I miss him so much he's been gone for 3 days" I wanna be like "try 8 months and then tell me how you feel about the 3 days" I'd be glad to only have 3 days of not seeing my boyfriend.