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I'm losing him and it's Christmas :( What do I do?

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    #1

    I'm losing him and it's Christmas :( What do I do?

    Hey everyone,

    MY boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We are both in college and are in the same place for winter break. The first night he came home he told me he wanted a break because we are fighting too much (I was devastated as we are finally together after 3 months of being in school). He won't return my calls, but says he still loves me. I have tried doing the "no contact rule" but it is sooo hard since he is two seconds away from me! Anyway, last night he sent me a text saying "did you call?" after I called him from a restricted number tehehe. Should I text him back this morning or still keep no contact? I am confused as to why he messaged me after not returning me calls. Does that mean there is still hope or am I just wishing on an empty dream?

    Thank you!
    -Rae
    If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together...there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart...I’ll always be with you.

    ~ Winnie the Pooh
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    #2
    Hey Rae...it sounds like a tough situation. You should talk to him about how you are feeling. I mean it seems like he just sprung it on you and maybe it would be better if you really understood why he needed a break...especially now when you can finally see each other. If after that conversation you have an understanding of why...as much as it sucks tell him that you understand and that you love him and remind him of all of the reasons why you are together and have been for a year and a half. My SO tried to say he couldn't handle the distance after we had been dating for eight months...and I just wasn't ok with letting everything go...so i bought a plane ticket to go see him just like that and went and he has been certain ever since. If he is that close to you go to his house maybe on Christmas Eve with his gift or with some cookies you baked and tell him you just want to talk and you aren't trying to pressure him into getting back with you but that you just want to understand what's going on. Peace offerings come in handy at times like this. I say don't text him back...he probably is thinking that you are being desperate calling from a private number...and it might be worse if he knows it was you. I think there is still hope but I think that you two should talk or at least email :-) I wish you the best

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      #3
      Tkn, thank you so much. My heart is breaking and I just can't imagine moving on. It is a terrible time with the holidays :P we have been arguing ever since he went to college though. Lack of communication, he hangs out with his new friends all the time (even invited one to stay with him for Christmas). I know I may be jealous, but I thought this was going to be our time Is it time to move on? <333
      If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together...there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart...I’ll always be with you.

      ~ Winnie the Pooh

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        #4
        I don't necessarily think that its time to move on but college is definitely a time of change and transition especially for your relationship. He is learning about himself and making new friends and sometimes it happens that you seem to become a part of his past and not his current life because you can't be there with him. One of the most important things to do is make sure you communicate tell him that you don't mind him hanging out with his friends but you would like one night a week that's just yours and he doesn't plan anything else during that time....But most definitely talk to him...tell him that you were used to having him close and spending time with him and the transition has been hard for you and your relationship. If you love him then fight for him and your relationship even if that means giving him space for a bit to realize that he is losing something great. One of the main things to remember is to be accepting of the changes and the new friends and not make it seem as though he has to keep those parts of his life separate...Also focus on developing you and doing things you enjoy new hobbies cooking classes whatever so that when he is busy so are you :-).

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          #5
          You have been a lifesaver! I feel like there is some hope now Thank you soo much, happy holidays! I will keep you updated

          -Rae
          If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together...there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart...I’ll always be with you.

          ~ Winnie the Pooh

          Comment

            #6
            I am in the same situation with my girlfriend. I just cam home from college and this is the first time we've had much time together since summer and I think she is losing interest in me both physically and in general. She says I am still her best friend and that we are still dating but not sure how long it will last. We have talked and both are going to work harder to keep it going. I just don't know what to do. I am trying everything. She has enough space. I am making her Christmas as special as I can given her unfortunate situation right now. Do you think her feelings could be attributed to the large amount of stress from school that she's been under lately? She has been getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night for ages now. I genuinely adore her and would do anything I could for her. If I lose her I will be a wreck, especially if sometime after she finds a new boy... I can't even think about it with out feeling ill. I would appreciate any help...

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              #7
              I think that balance would be key for you. You are in a fortunate situation, she wants to make it work. She wants to talk to you. My boyfriend will not return my calls and is genuinely acting like he does not care. Give her space while still reminding her how much she means to you. Have her text you, her call you over break. Talk to her when she calls but respect her when she doesn't (of course unless you really need to see her). It will show you that she is into it and make her wonder why you aren't calling . This morning I was feeling great, but now I feel that it is just hopeless for me. If he doesn't want to talk to me, see me, or even wish me a Merry Christmas I am doomed. LDR failed in my case don't think I will ever do it again.

              Best of luck to you!
              -Rae
              If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together...there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart...I’ll always be with you.

              ~ Winnie the Pooh

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by Aussie View Post
                I am in the same situation with my girlfriend. I just cam home from college and this is the first time we've had much time together since summer and I think she is losing interest in me both physically and in general. She says I am still her best friend and that we are still dating but not sure how long it will last. We have talked and both are going to work harder to keep it going. I just don't know what to do. I am trying everything. She has enough space. I am making her Christmas as special as I can given her unfortunate situation right now. Do you think her feelings could be attributed to the large amount of stress from school that she's been under lately? She has been getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night for ages now. I genuinely adore her and would do anything I could for her. If I lose her I will be a wreck, especially if sometime after she finds a new boy... I can't even think about it with out feeling ill. I would appreciate any help...
                College can be really stressful on a relationship and on a person. I think that you both have to talk about how its going to change your relationship...sometimes after you have been together a while you feel kinda blah like your relationship is not progressing. Its a bit harder in a LDR...but try to keep it interesting..make sure that you are still learning and growing together and spending time doing things that you both enjoy :-). If this relationship is what you want then fight for it! Communicate with her the changes you are feeling and make steps to change it Good luck :-)

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                  #9
                  Thanks guys. I couldn't want anything more
                  Hopefully after she gets all the christmas prezzies from me she will come about a bit. :P
                  I hand carved her a heart pendant from oak as a part of the mountain of presents I got her. Hope she likes it... haha
                  I don't know what I would do if I lost her. I have a feeling if that happens I will be on here just for support... I know everyone in her family now and am friends with her friends and sister and brother and cousins. I don't know how I could handle losing it...

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                    #10
                    I know how you feel :P relationships are difficult, but losing the person you love is even harder. My boyfriend was my best friend and now that it is over I feel like I am falling apart. Just stay strong and remember that, no matter what happens, everything will turn out in the end. I think she will love her present Just try to reconnect! It's Christmas, an emotional time, the sparks will be flying
                    If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together...there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart...I’ll always be with you.

                    ~ Winnie the Pooh

                    Comment

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