he's giving me a present i gave him last year? =/

[stacyrose]

This is kind of a rant, if you don't wanna read it all just scroll to the last paragraph.

So I sent my SO his christmas gifts and he's opened them already, including a leather bracelet with my name engraved on it (I have a matching one with his on it), a Hello Kitty stuffed animal dressed in a Mcds uniform (inside joke, he used to work there), a handmade scrapbook that I spent days and long hours on, including pictures from every single visit we've had, and Call of Duty Black Ops for his xbox (which he's been playing nonstop since he's opened it lol)

He's told me he's probably going to send me a belated christmas gift since he wasn't sure what to get me, and especially felt like he couldn't get anything to top the gifts I got him. I told him I didn't care what he sent and I'll be happy so long as it's from him, (despite the fact he's never sent me a christmas or birthday present) but he hasn't seemed to care to make much effort to even come up with something thoughtful.

Now my webcam recently broke so I haven't seen him online for days, and I told him this, so he said "Maybe I'll just send you a webcam!" I admit I wasn't thrilled because even though I need a new one, I'd rather him send me a present with more thought. So he then said "Wait, why don't I just send you the webcam you gave me since I dont need it anymore!" He's got a webcam included into his new laptop so he dosnt use that one anymore, but the problem is it was the gift I got him for christmas last year.

Idk..I don't wanna sound like I NEED a present but I just feel like he's using the webcam as an excuse to not have to go out and buy me something and put much thought into it, especially because I spent so much time and money and thought into all of his presents....and I don't like admitting it but I'm kinda hurt he thinks sending me his present from last year is an appropriate gift. What should I tell him??

[nicole]

I'd tell him straight off, it's not ok just to return the gift you gave him back to you. Ask him how would he feel if the tables were turned and you just sent a gift he had given you back to him. He's probably just thinking of the practically; he has a web-cam, you need one, doesn't matter where it came from? Boys tend to think more practically then emotionally, so you need to just spell it out for him, but in a way which he won't get defensive.

[Silviar]

It sounds like you both have different expectations when it comes to presents - he's more practical than your gift-giving. I would tell him it's not ok with you, but Iw oudlnt' get annoyed, personally - he's just wired differently than you.

[Èternity]

In his mind, he is giving you a present with thought behind it, just not the thought that you wanted. It solves a problem you have and he doesn't have to go to any effort. So in his mind he probably thinks he's given you the perfect gift. Many men tend to be problem solvers as their way of contributing to the relationship.

If he isn't a 'thoughtful' present giver, asking him for something, even something small, can come off as nagging. He may feel bad that he can never reciprocate with the level of generosity you have given him so he doesn't even bother. About the best you could do is share your feelings without blaming him. You could say 'I feel a bit disappointed, returning the webcam is a great idea since mine has broken though I really appreciate gifts that are more personal."

Does he show you, in other ways, that he cares? If so, you could let it slide and be happy you can see him again on webcam.

[stacyrose]

I mean I do get where he's coming from, and I do appreciate everything he does, he really is thoughtful in pretty much every aspect of our relationship, I'm probably just the one being a nagging girlfriend.

[TknandLvnIt]

There is nothing wrong with wanting him to do something thoughtful but that doesn't always mean its going to be a gift. He is going to send the camera because you two can't see each other...he might not even be doing it to replace your gift...that wasn't really clear. But tell him somewhat jokingly thanks so much babe for sending the camera its great that we will see each other again but I still want you to buy me a gift. There is nothing wrong with asking one way that I did it with My SO is that we are going shopping together for each others gifts. The rules are one thing he wants and one thing I think he would want...with a 50 dollar limit. You could do the same from a distance...maybe for Valentine's day. Or I love you Day whatever silly stuff you wanna do to make it easier for him to feel comfortable with getting gifts...My SO is really scared of bombing when he picks something for me so maybe that's a part of his issue too. Good luck :-)

[agentholli]

ok, im sorry if this upsets anyone, but I would be ticked off..just sayin.

[sabby64]

Wow, that would really hurt my feelings... :P My SO doesn't know what to get me either, so I told him if he can't think of anything to just send me some money or a gift card so I can pick out something I really want. I would talk to him, because otherwise you're gonna be feeling disappointed that things didn't really work out. Guys usually don't think as much into gifts as girls do, so gifts are usually hard for them, but that's no reason to settle for a re-gift.

[stacyrose]

Turns out I was overreacting and he was just kidding...goes to show I'll believe any little joke under stress. What a relief lol

[Kirschlein]

Lol
Well even if its solved now, i personally would tick off too... because it was a present for him D: and i am raised with the thought, that no presents should be gifted again u.u

[Dziubka]

Glad you solves this together.
The webcam wouldn't have been a real present at all.

Wow, that would really hurt my feelings... :P My SO doesn't know what to get me either, so I told him if he can't think of anything to just send me some money or a gift card so I can pick out something I really want.

My mum or my grandparents giving me money is one thing, even though I still appreciate them putting some thought into it and giving me at least something small as a real present. But from my SO I'd rather want nothing than money, unless I was literally starving and even then I'd probably prefer they bought me something they know I love to eat. I'd be seriously offended if my SO gave me money as a present.
To me presents are not only about giving someone something/anything, but about showing that you care, thought about the other person and made an effort to make/find something they'll like.
If you know someone at least a little and SOs are usually people we tend to know rather well, it shouldn't be too difficult to find something they'd like.

[Bluestars]

My mum or my grandparents giving me money is one thing, even though I still appreciate them putting some thought into it and giving me at least something small as a real present. But from my SO I'd rather want nothing than money, unless I was literally starving and even then I'd probably prefer they bought me something they know I love to eat. I'd be seriously offended if my SO gave me money as a present.
To me presents are not only about giving someone something/anything, but about showing that you care, thought about the other person and made an effort to make/find something they'll like.
If you know someone at least a little and SOs are usually people we tend to know rather well, it shouldn't be too difficult to find something they'd like.

I completely agree with this. I asked my SO what he wanted and he said money. I told him no way! He is the one with a stable job and income when I am the one making minimum wage and only working during the holidays. I thought that was kind of rude to even ask for, but I let it go I ended up finding some really good gives (at least I hope). But I understand that all people are different, so I can understand where some people come from.