Ok so I don't know how many of you know the threads I've posted. But I have (had?) this boyfriend and he throws me for a loop like all the time. I don't even know what to say. About a week ago we had a fight because he sent me off to go find a board to rp on and after a few hours of not finding anything I told him that I would continue tomorrow because my phone was starting to overheat (Which was true. MY phone shuts down after I ride the internet for a while). Here is the following text conversation:
Him: Yeah whatever
Me: You're mad at me?
Him: No I love it when you just bail with your lame ass excuses
Me: Seriously? One: it's actually happening, not a "lame ass excuse", two: I'm in a really shitty place right now so no this is not really what I want to be doing especially when there aren't any good results, three: I've been at this for like an hour and a half for you. Not happy with me? Look for yourself. Four: You know what's happening on my end because you got my email. You know someone died and it's really fucking with and all I've wanted since I found out was your company but instead all I get is this. Thanks.
Alright. Reading that over is pretty harsh. I feel bad about that and yeah, he has a right to be mad. And just for more info, he had told (not asked) me to find a board with his specifications but wasn't actually looking himself.
Him: Actually no. I didn't know that but I forgot reality has little to do with me anymore. Things are just what everyone else claims and I should just deal with it. And honestly, why would you expect my company? You still owe me pretty fucking huge and have still made no attempts at anything. So you should have a pretty good idea of the sort of mood I'm in.
I cannot tell you how MAD I got. To understand how fucking ridiculous that statement is, I direct you here: https://members.lovingfromadistance....atch-things-up
So I was pissed the fuck off and I wanted to yell at him but instead I said:
Me: Well I'm sorry. I assumed you got all my emails because you got the one I just sent you. So in that respect I retract what I said. I'm very very upset right now and there are a lot of things I want to say. Most of which are not all that nice. So I'm not going to say anymore on the subject until I've got a clearer head.
Him: That's helpful. The end result. Like always is you get what you want.
From then on I keep telling him I don't want to yell or fight unfairly and he keeps egging me on until finally I just want this to end and I say good night. After that he starts talking about hanging himself. He says it'll be three weeks before anyone finds his body and just keeps going on and on about killing himself. I tell him I care about him and he calls me a liar and we end on this note:
Me:If you'd like to think I'm constantly a dishonest bitch to you, fine. Go ahead and think that. I care about you but this bullshit has pushed me to my limit. You're a grown ass man and yet you still decide to pull stunts like this? What the fuck. Here's one truth you can count on: get your shit together or this is it for me.
Looking back, that was probably overly-harsh too. Anyway, he didn't respond until today when he said this:
Him: Have many things to say. Don't want to do it through text. Will figure something out and get back to you. Would have replied earlier but hospitals have pretty strict policies about cell phones.
HOSPITALS? HE'S IN A HOSPITAL?!?!?! I feel so shitty right now. I feel awful and I don't know what to do. Since the fight I've been calling myself single because I really don't want to be with someone who does this to me all the time but I have a feeling he's going to call me and I don't think I'm strong enough to say "it's over" again to him over the phone. I don't know what to do and I don't know what to think of him. I'm scared and nervous. What should I say when he contacts me? Or do you think I should give it another shot?
Some facts you should know:
- He's bipolar and unmedicated.
- He's threatened to hurt himself before. And he did (went out and got into fights).
- We fight ALL the time. And it always seems to be my fault.
- He thinks he's always justified in whatever he does.
- He's still hurt over a mistake that I made in the very beginning of our relationship over a year ago that I feel I've done more than enough to make up for.
- I feel like I can't tell him things. I mean just anything. Even little stuff because I'm afraid he'll yell at me. I'm always tiptoeing on eggshells around him.
Him: Yeah whatever
Me: You're mad at me?
Him: No I love it when you just bail with your lame ass excuses
Me: Seriously? One: it's actually happening, not a "lame ass excuse", two: I'm in a really shitty place right now so no this is not really what I want to be doing especially when there aren't any good results, three: I've been at this for like an hour and a half for you. Not happy with me? Look for yourself. Four: You know what's happening on my end because you got my email. You know someone died and it's really fucking with and all I've wanted since I found out was your company but instead all I get is this. Thanks.
Alright. Reading that over is pretty harsh. I feel bad about that and yeah, he has a right to be mad. And just for more info, he had told (not asked) me to find a board with his specifications but wasn't actually looking himself.
Him: Actually no. I didn't know that but I forgot reality has little to do with me anymore. Things are just what everyone else claims and I should just deal with it. And honestly, why would you expect my company? You still owe me pretty fucking huge and have still made no attempts at anything. So you should have a pretty good idea of the sort of mood I'm in.
I cannot tell you how MAD I got. To understand how fucking ridiculous that statement is, I direct you here: https://members.lovingfromadistance....atch-things-up
So I was pissed the fuck off and I wanted to yell at him but instead I said:
Me: Well I'm sorry. I assumed you got all my emails because you got the one I just sent you. So in that respect I retract what I said. I'm very very upset right now and there are a lot of things I want to say. Most of which are not all that nice. So I'm not going to say anymore on the subject until I've got a clearer head.
Him: That's helpful. The end result. Like always is you get what you want.
From then on I keep telling him I don't want to yell or fight unfairly and he keeps egging me on until finally I just want this to end and I say good night. After that he starts talking about hanging himself. He says it'll be three weeks before anyone finds his body and just keeps going on and on about killing himself. I tell him I care about him and he calls me a liar and we end on this note:
Me:If you'd like to think I'm constantly a dishonest bitch to you, fine. Go ahead and think that. I care about you but this bullshit has pushed me to my limit. You're a grown ass man and yet you still decide to pull stunts like this? What the fuck. Here's one truth you can count on: get your shit together or this is it for me.
Looking back, that was probably overly-harsh too. Anyway, he didn't respond until today when he said this:
Him: Have many things to say. Don't want to do it through text. Will figure something out and get back to you. Would have replied earlier but hospitals have pretty strict policies about cell phones.
HOSPITALS? HE'S IN A HOSPITAL?!?!?! I feel so shitty right now. I feel awful and I don't know what to do. Since the fight I've been calling myself single because I really don't want to be with someone who does this to me all the time but I have a feeling he's going to call me and I don't think I'm strong enough to say "it's over" again to him over the phone. I don't know what to do and I don't know what to think of him. I'm scared and nervous. What should I say when he contacts me? Or do you think I should give it another shot?
Some facts you should know:
- He's bipolar and unmedicated.
- He's threatened to hurt himself before. And he did (went out and got into fights).
- We fight ALL the time. And it always seems to be my fault.
- He thinks he's always justified in whatever he does.
- He's still hurt over a mistake that I made in the very beginning of our relationship over a year ago that I feel I've done more than enough to make up for.
- I feel like I can't tell him things. I mean just anything. Even little stuff because I'm afraid he'll yell at me. I'm always tiptoeing on eggshells around him.
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