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    Very distressed! HELP!

    Ok so I don't know how many of you know the threads I've posted. But I have (had?) this boyfriend and he throws me for a loop like all the time. I don't even know what to say. About a week ago we had a fight because he sent me off to go find a board to rp on and after a few hours of not finding anything I told him that I would continue tomorrow because my phone was starting to overheat (Which was true. MY phone shuts down after I ride the internet for a while). Here is the following text conversation:

    Him: Yeah whatever
    Me: You're mad at me?
    Him: No I love it when you just bail with your lame ass excuses
    Me: Seriously? One: it's actually happening, not a "lame ass excuse", two: I'm in a really shitty place right now so no this is not really what I want to be doing especially when there aren't any good results, three: I've been at this for like an hour and a half for you. Not happy with me? Look for yourself. Four: You know what's happening on my end because you got my email. You know someone died and it's really fucking with and all I've wanted since I found out was your company but instead all I get is this. Thanks.

    Alright. Reading that over is pretty harsh. I feel bad about that and yeah, he has a right to be mad. And just for more info, he had told (not asked) me to find a board with his specifications but wasn't actually looking himself.

    Him: Actually no. I didn't know that but I forgot reality has little to do with me anymore. Things are just what everyone else claims and I should just deal with it. And honestly, why would you expect my company? You still owe me pretty fucking huge and have still made no attempts at anything. So you should have a pretty good idea of the sort of mood I'm in.

    I cannot tell you how MAD I got. To understand how fucking ridiculous that statement is, I direct you here: https://members.lovingfromadistance....atch-things-up

    So I was pissed the fuck off and I wanted to yell at him but instead I said:

    Me: Well I'm sorry. I assumed you got all my emails because you got the one I just sent you. So in that respect I retract what I said. I'm very very upset right now and there are a lot of things I want to say. Most of which are not all that nice. So I'm not going to say anymore on the subject until I've got a clearer head.
    Him: That's helpful. The end result. Like always is you get what you want.

    From then on I keep telling him I don't want to yell or fight unfairly and he keeps egging me on until finally I just want this to end and I say good night. After that he starts talking about hanging himself. He says it'll be three weeks before anyone finds his body and just keeps going on and on about killing himself. I tell him I care about him and he calls me a liar and we end on this note:

    Me:If you'd like to think I'm constantly a dishonest bitch to you, fine. Go ahead and think that. I care about you but this bullshit has pushed me to my limit. You're a grown ass man and yet you still decide to pull stunts like this? What the fuck. Here's one truth you can count on: get your shit together or this is it for me.

    Looking back, that was probably overly-harsh too. Anyway, he didn't respond until today when he said this:

    Him: Have many things to say. Don't want to do it through text. Will figure something out and get back to you. Would have replied earlier but hospitals have pretty strict policies about cell phones.

    HOSPITALS? HE'S IN A HOSPITAL?!?!?! I feel so shitty right now. I feel awful and I don't know what to do. Since the fight I've been calling myself single because I really don't want to be with someone who does this to me all the time but I have a feeling he's going to call me and I don't think I'm strong enough to say "it's over" again to him over the phone. I don't know what to do and I don't know what to think of him. I'm scared and nervous. What should I say when he contacts me? Or do you think I should give it another shot?

    Some facts you should know:
    - He's bipolar and unmedicated.
    - He's threatened to hurt himself before. And he did (went out and got into fights).
    - We fight ALL the time. And it always seems to be my fault.
    - He thinks he's always justified in whatever he does.
    - He's still hurt over a mistake that I made in the very beginning of our relationship over a year ago that I feel I've done more than enough to make up for.
    - I feel like I can't tell him things. I mean just anything. Even little stuff because I'm afraid he'll yell at me. I'm always tiptoeing on eggshells around him.

    #2
    Personally I don't see how what you've said to him is harsh. From this alone he sounds abusive and I wouldn't put up with it. He has a problem he's not seeking help for and being bipolar and off your meds is a dangerous combination (I'm bipolar, so I know firsthand) and it seems like he doesn't care. He's in a victim state of mind where everyone's out to hurt him and if he keeps it that way, it's gonna end that way. If he can't let go of mistakes whether yours or his own, then how do you expect things to work? People make mistakes and unless they're forgiven no one can move on from the incident.

    I know it seems like when things go down the toilet everyone's eager to say "leave the SOB" but I really think for your sanity and maybe your safety you need to let him go. He's on a destructive path and you don't need to be on it with him. You don't owe him anything, the world does not owe him anything. He's a ticking time bomb of uncertainty and that does not sit on the list of "Healthy, happy relationship".

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      #3
      Just by what you have written on here....neither of you can communicate without deep harsh fighting. Doesn't that just drain you? Communication is key,,,and with all the mean harsh comments I don't see how you have any happiness.

      Manipulating someone and telling them that they will go hurt themselves is horrible. I lived this life 20 years ago. I had one incident that forever changed me.

      Do some deep thinking...because things won't get any better without professional help.
      NY to Texas Married on...August 17th, 2013

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        #4
        I see what both of you are saying and I appreciate it. I do think this has to end because Karringtyn is right. It is so draining. I feel like we both have very off perceptions of each other and I feel like when I'm with him I'm a person I don't want to be. I really want to be loved and cared about and happy, and I just don't feel like that with him anymore. You know he's actually never told me he loves me. I never wanted to make him say it. Wanted him to say it when he felt it but if he hasn't felt it for over a year maybe he never will.

        It's hard because I really do love him and I care about him. I remember all the good times we had way back when, ya know? I'm still nervous about what to say to him. Honestly my biggest fear is that he'll hurt or even kill himself. I don't know how to handle that. If he starts saying it I'll say "Wait no. We can be together." just so he won't hurt himself! I just feel like something bad will happen. I wish one of his friends would talk to me to make sure he's okay but none of them ever respond to me

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          #5
          See, the thing about worrying if he'll hurt himself because you leave him is another manipulation tool whether he means it to be or not. You have to worry about yourself because as you said, around him you're someone you don't want to be. You deserve to be who you want to be and have someone beside you who accepts that person and doesn't want to hurt them or forces them to change. Like Karringtyn said, you're draining yourself for someone who's only looking to hurt others and ultimately hurt himself. You deserve so much better and we're all here to support you in any way we can.

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            #6
            Exactly what LMH said.

            And we are all here. (((((HUGS)))))
            NY to Texas Married on...August 17th, 2013

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              #7
              I agree with LMH and Karringtyn, I think that he's very manipulative and for your own health and sanity your best option is to end things with him. If you end up being seriously concerned that he'll hurt himself, is there any of his friends or family that you can contact? Being a distance away from him, you can't help him very much. If you have someone you can contact though, you can let them know if you think he'll actually do something harmful to himself or others. I'd use that as a last resort, it's not something you want to do unless it's absolutely necessary, but it can bring you a bit of peace of mind if you can have someone check on him.

              Don't let him make you feel guilty though. You are not responsible for his problems, and you have done more than enough to try and make things work.


              "You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty."
              -- Anonymous

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