Struck, Out of the Blue...

[Lunar Snow]

It's definitely a lack of sleep talking a lot here, but it's just struck me that I am sad, after all, that my SO and I aren't spending the holiday season together.

I thought that I was fine with it; happy to lounge around with messy hair, eat way too much for someone 5'3", have a quiet Christmas with family, and not worry about preparations to have him here or go see him, etc. However, it's Christmas Eve and I find myself feeling really blue about not seeing him. I thought tonight that we would watch the Christmas episode of Glee together, at least, and he had warned me in advance that his uncle might be coming to visit and they would go out for drinks. Yesterday, I was fine with that, but when I got his text today that Glee wouldn't be happening and he was going out, I unexpectedly felt really sad.

Tomorrow, he and I said that we would open our gifts to each other on Skype at 10am, my time. That will be nice, yet somehow it feels sad to have this somewhat unspoken agreement that the rest of the day our families are priority. It makes sense, it really does (they need quality time, too), but it's crept into my mind that I feel like he is family and that we're missing out on good times together. Then, I start feeling a little jealous that there are so many exciting things to do there for Christmas and New Years and they will understandably trump and take priority over any little e-dates we have, because...well, how can I compete with that, really? (I have a little back-burner-itis)

Maybe what's made me bluer is that his job status has been threatened a bit and, so, that could make any future visits for us even more difficult. Plus, it brings to mind that he seems to still be putting down roots where he is and even talking about permanent dream jobs that would mean being even further away from me. Letting my emotions cascade (without the control of a good night's sleep), I then wonder if he really just sees what we have as something somewhat...temporary. I truly don't want to be selfish and horrible--he should be able to share his activities and dreams with me, but it all feels like a little much right now to hear and grin and bear, if that makes sense.

[LostInLove]

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling down, Christmas can definitely be a difficult time because of all the emphasis on togetherness and family and such. If you're comfortable with it, let him know you're feeling down and see if you can make your e-dates work, even if they're short. It may not be much, but it's better than nothing.

As hard as it is, I would try not to stress about him setting down his roots until after the holidays and when you're feeling a little bit better. Some of your worrying may be due to the holiday blues, and if you're still feeling it you can start thinking about a way to bring it up to him. I know I talk a lot about my career plans which probably sound like they involve me staying right where I am, but I also spend a lot of time thinking about how they would work if I move to where he is and when I would be able to move. You can't know what he's thinking unless you ask.