Feeling very overwhelmed.

[sagittariusgirl89]

So, John and I were planning on moving in together in November, but now he said he just isnt sure until later on. The thing is that Im currently in college until 2013 and I don't want him to keep putting it off until May or June to tell me. I start school on Monday and it goes until March 19th, this is my last big quarter until September 2011 (that is when I will start the vet tech program if I get accepted).

Part of me thinks it would be best if I stay in Columbus until I graduate, but, I am 70% sure that If I stay in columbus and we continue to do the distance that we won't last. The vet tech program is rigourous. I would go to school Monday-Friday 8am-5pm, and then eventually I would start interning and on top of that I would be studying. John's would only be off on Weds and Thursdays, and we wouldn't have any time together when he is here because of my schooling.

If i stay in Columbus I would be living at home for another 2 years and sometimes it is pretty stressful here.

I just don't know what to do. The vet tech program in Cleveland isnt as good as the one I would be attending in Columbus and I wouldnt be able to attend right away in November.

Sometimes I think this long distance isnt worth the sadness and frustration and I can just find someone in Columbus. But the thought of John being single and could be with someone else, hurts me.

just had to vent. Im feeling very overwhelmed.

[Silviar]

I'm really sorry you're feeling so frustrated; I can understand why. Have you talked to him about why he isn't ready to move in together yet?

[sagittariusgirl89]

Yes I have. He said that he just wont know until later, but the way I look at it, I can't really late till later because I have to figure out about my financial aid, transferring schools, getting a job, and a car. He said he won't know if his debt will be all paid off, but he makes a lot more money than he did before so It gets me kind of mad that he just doesn't know right now.

[Richard Marks]

OK this has a few parrells with what me and my wife went through. While we were dating, I was working 12 hr days, for as much as 6 out of 7 days (then some time off), both days and nights (military life can suck). At the same time my wife was attending collage earning her degree in Political science and History, with a minor in biblical studies.

this meant she was at collage for 8 hours a day. That with my crazy schedule (3 days, 2 nights 4 off 2 days, 3 nights 5 off etc etc) meant that there were weeks we did not get to see each other.
Throw in the fact that she did not have internet at home and had a 1.5 hr drive to collage (don't ask) meant that even ringing each other was sometimes out of the question. Now throw in a long semester of internship at a museum, where she had no access to the internet and you have a recipe for disaster.

How on earth did we ever make it through? Well believe it or not, she had a copy of my schedule, and I had a copy of hers (I even kept it in my wallet) for each semester, and we would plan around that. If I had a day off and she had a period free (which happens more often than you might think), then I would make sure that I was there online and waiting to say Hi.
There was also Saturdays and Sundays when I would ring, or she would ring me (if I was free).

I will not pretend it was easy, I had to keep a running time conversion in my head and I got to know her schedule so well she would actually ask me what she had next (there were times I felt like a stalker). But we kept at it, and eventually we made it through to get married.

I suppose the phrase that sticks out in my head here is: If there is a will, there is a way. You will need to sit down with your SO before your semester starts and figure out just exactly when you can both get online (even if it is at the collage) and speak. Get to know his schedule so well you can recite it in your sleep, and make sure he knows your schedule that well as well.

Good luck, and my prayers will be with you

[blankita719]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way right now. But I do like Richard's plan above. Knowing each others schedules and making the time helps. My SO & I are both parents who work full time and somedays the only communication we have is a text message or two before we go to bed.

I understand the financial stress he may be feeling but maybe the two of you could sit down and really talk about budgeting and real expectations of your financial life together. Money isn't the most romantic topic to discuss but it's a necessary evil

[Silviar]

Yes I have. He said that he just wont know until later, but the way I look at it, I can't really late till later because I have to figure out about my financial aid, transferring schools, getting a job, and a car. He said he won't know if his debt will be all paid off, but he makes a lot more money than he did before so It gets me kind of mad that he just doesn't know right now.

Sometimes making concrete plans from a thought and hope is really overwhelming to some people. that on top of his stress is probably doing him in. I would do as Richard said, and see if you can get some time together to just talk, first. Then I would ask him to sit and talk some stuff through with you, so you know one way or another. If you can't pin him down, then I wouldn't make any plans... if he chose to do it that way, then it's his choice.

[Tanja]

Andy had a 6 month period when he was studying 10 hours a day for his final exams and we barely got to talk at all during that time. It was very hard but we did it and it really is all about proper planning and working around your schedules.

Richard's idea sounds great and he's living proof that it CAN work even though you'd both be very busy. Talk to your SO and make plans and I'm sure you can get through this and be together at the end!

[sagittariusgirl89]

Thanks everyone. Johns schedule will be- Work 11am-10pm Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday. Off Weds and Thurs.

[Richard Marks]

I can already see some periods where you can both be online, or on the phone together. Mainly 9am - 10 am on the days he is working (if your schedule allows), wed & thurs when ever you are off and after collage.

See there is hope, just going to be difficult. If I may suggest this: Now you know his schedule, you may be able to schedule your classes around that so that you will always have a chance to talk at least once a day (even if it is only for 20 mins), and if he has a fixed lunch time, even more perfect. Then he can possibly make his way to where he has some internet access and a webcam and you can chat away.

Just make sure your schedules do not clash, and when all of this blows over you can look back and say "Well we survived that, if we can survive that then our relationship can and will survive anything."

Now is the time to make the plans to get through this. I wish you all the best of luck and I shall be praying for you both