Confused :(

[ma72109]

My bf and I have been together for almost one and a half years now, and the entire time has been long distance though we met in person and have met a few times since then. Just a few days ago he told me he wanted to have another gf, one closer to him. The thing is, we're still in high school (in the middle of 11th grade), and he wants this gf until the end of 12th grade. He said he would always love me more and that this would never happen again after we graduate. Apparently they both (him and the other girl) feel that's okay, and that they will part ways at the end of 12th grade, meaning after one and a half more years. I don't like it at all, but is it ok for him to want this? I always felt it was wrong, and it's been hurting me a lot... but I don't want to leave him... And I'm confused because he doesn't want to choose between us even though he says he loves me more. He did only meet this girl two months ago and their little "thing" started maybe a week ago... Any advice? I'm feeling so lost right now

[garnet]

That is definitely not okay. I don't quite get what he could have told the other girl to make her go along with this greedy little plan of his, but whatever the case, you don't deserve to be treated like this. Please do not allow yourself to put put on his back burner while he (stupid expression but...) has his cake and eats it too.
I think he has shown you his true colors, and as much as you love him, you should probably let him go. Any guy that tells you to wait for him while he's with another girl (!) is just not worth another moment of your time!
I'm sorry this is happening to you. I can't believe the things guys think they can get away with.

[ma72109]

Another thing that confused me was that he said he wasn't interested in any physical interaction with her. And the girl seemed to have no problem with it to begin with, and she was trying to convince me the same. I just don't know what he wants and what he's getting out of doing this. I've known him for pretty much my entire life because we always used to meet, and I know that he meant what he said about the physical interaction thing...

[garnet]

How would you feel if you saw this exact situation happening to your sister, or your best friend? Do you want your boyfriend to think he can treat you this way? What sort of future are you setting up for yourself if you allow him to take a break to be with another girl? You have to respect yourself enough to say no, this is NOT okay.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but if you came here hoping that someone would tell you it's okay, let him do it, I really don't think it's going to happen.

I imagine this is quite the ego boost for him, thinking he can keep two girls falling all over him at the same time. That would be my guess as to what he's getting out of this.

Honestly, you guys are young. I don't think I would trust someone who told me to wait a year and a half for him while he dates someone else, that they weren't going to get physical. He doesn't exactly strike me as a stand up guy that you can take at his word. :/

He's telling you what he thinks you need to hear. And it seems to be working since you seem to be considering his plan. I think it's safe to guess that he's telling this other girl exactly what she needs to hear too.

I am not trying to be mean to you, or criticize you, or dismiss your feelings. I am trying to tell you that from the outside, this is very clearly a bad thing, and you shouldn't doubt your instincts that it's wrong.

[Silviar]

I agree with garnet. What this guy is doing isn't fair to you. I would break up and see where life takes you both. If you decide to get back together later - great. But let yourself go so he doesn't string you along (potentially) waiting for him. Go experience life.

[lucybelle]

I agree, you've got to let this go. I believe I'm the only one on here that actually did have an open relationship with my SO but there were a few keys differences. 1- We are older than you, I don't mean to be harsh but you have to be pretty mature to make this sort of decision. 2- It was ONLY for physical activity. I don't understand how he could be with someone he doesn't love, and also not want to touch her? Weird. 3- It was not for one specific person. Which I think is the biggest problem here. He already has someone in mind? Warning flag!!!

Though I did make it through an open relationship, with both parties happy, this is too strange and should not be considered. Leave him, and move on. It hurts, I know it does. But there's more fish in the sea!

[Richard Marks]

Man this is not OK, not by any stretch of the imagination. I agree with Garnet as well. You either need to put your foot down (hard) and tell him it is a no-go him dating two at once, it is either you or her. If he loves you as much as he says he does he will choose you.

Personally, I would actually suggest that you give him the boot. I suspect that if you don't and you force the confrontation he will tell you that he will not see this other girl, but will go behind your back.

Unfortunately, there is an old expression that I personally hate, but is appropriate: There are plenty more fish in the sea. In other words there are plenty of 'real men' who will love you for who you are and would not even consider cheating on you just because you are in a LDR.

[Sano]

wooah no thats not cool at all. That's a hurtful suggestion and its unfair to you if you go along with it. Then you said it started a week ago so it sounds like he's already decided to see her. Dont let him do that to you. I maybe the last person to be talking about respect in a relationship, but thats not right at all. He either wants to be with you or he doesn't. Get rid of me. That pisses me off. He's just being selfish.
Men are so stupid sometimes
I just wanna beat him up for you.
Lose him!

[Micah]

I would break it off. First of all, if he was with the other girl for 1.5 years, who is to say they won't fall in love or form a lasting connection in time? They can't make the promise to you that they will part ways after the 1.5, won't be physical with one another, etc. because you can't make those sort of promises due to the unknown. Secondly, it just plain isn't fair to you, which I believe is the most important reason. You're young, so I'd cut ties or tell him that it isn't happening and see if he respects your wishes. If you are meant to be together in the future, it will happen.

[Sano]

If he doesn't want any physical initeraction with her he wouldn't have brought her up in the first place and then added because she was closer. It doesn't make any sense. He's just trying to lie himself out of the conflict. And this whole thing shows you what kind of person the girl he's messing with is, if she knows he's taken and still wants to be with him. Screw that guy, he's not good enough for you and .... I would say some bad words because Im so pissed but I wont. It ultimately up to you. And if its hurting you now, its just going to get worse