Hello,
I’ve only posted a couple of times here but I’ve found the people incredibly friendly and non-judgmental. Thus, I’ve come back for more words of wisdom. Or heck, even some comfort.
Let me just start off by saying that I have no idea if I’m in an LDR. Obviously not if I’m posting here, but for the last month I thought he and I were working to at least get to that point. Please note I tried to keep this explanation short, but it turned out rather long. I hope any advice-givers bear with me as I pour out my sad tale.
First off, he and I met on a dating service. If anyone remembers my first post, I put all the details there. But to save time here’s the rest. I was the one that approached him. He seemed very receptive and eager to get to know me, so I followed up on my initial “Do you want to chat” overture.
We began e-mailing at the end of the week and within a couple of weeks exchanged a handful of e-mails before I was the one that took the initiative and asked if he wanted to try chatting in real time. Fortunately he and I were on the same chat program, so we made plans to try it. He wasn’t able to chat right away as it was leading up to Christmas and he was still working and trying to prepare to drive up to stay with relatives.
Much to my pleasure, we finally did get to chat online. “He” had several weeks off and I was in seventh heaven thinking that we’d get plenty of time to chat. Unfortunately, that’s not what happened. The time difference and all the stuff surrounding the Christmas season supposedly got in the way. I’m a recent college graduate trying to find a job, so sadly I have plenty of time on my hands. Thus I am and was always on the computer or nearby. Needless to say I was extremely disappointed in the number of hook-ups we were able to get. We never really spoke of arranging a time to meet, and I felt self-conscious about it since our “relationship” was so new. I’ve not had a lot of dating experience and I feel like such a duck out of water.
Moving along… I thought things were progressing as well as can be expected considering we live 7,000 miles and an ocean away. I never let on my disappointment in our lack of time chatting and simply took what I could get. The thing is, things have gotten to a point the last few days where I don’t know what to do. Mainly regarding the mixed signals he’s been giving me.
To give some examples… Over the last two months every now and then he’d out-of-the-blue pop out a remark that would flatter me considerably. He would say how much he really enjoyed talking to me. How his humor and my own matched so well. Last week he said to me in a chat session that he felt like he’d known me a lot longer than in actuality. He said I was funny and he enjoyed chatting and exchanging e-mails.
But here’s the real kicker… On new year’s eve we managed to chat for a bit before he had to head out to a party. I asked him if he had any new year’s resolutions. He said one thing and then said and to meet you!
Again, I was so flattered. I thought, this is a good sign I think. He’s at least mulling over the idea of us meeting in person in 2011.
But the follow-up kicker? He told me that he had to go pack his bag to head back for the party. I don’t remember if he asked me if I would still be on (it was 1 a.m. where I lived) or if I was heading to bed. I told him I had catnapped earlier so would probably be on if he wanted to come back. He told me that he would be back in half an hour. I wound up waiting two and a half hours for him. More because I was genuinely awake than waiting for him. But when it hit that 2 ½ hour mark, I got disgusted and went to bed. His lack of an appearance even after he told me he would be back didn’t worry me so much. I mean, I know how it is when you stand up to do something supposedly quick and you get sidetracked.
Unfortunately, that was the last real-time contact I had with him. I’ve been seesawing between hurt, anger and at the moment tears. I have to admit it. I hate thinking I’m so weak that I would shed tears at this early stage of a “relationship”, but I can’t help it. His signals, in my mind, have indicated we were getting along fine.
What’s happened recently is that I’ve neither spoke nor heard from him since. Oh, he did send me a very, very brief e-mail on new year’s day to wish me happy new year and to offer a couple of sentences on what he did. I thought, okay, he’s not totally digging out on me. I replied with a simple e-mail of my own. More so because I really wasn’t sure what was going on in his mind.
Since then I’ve had zilch contact. Not a damn e-mail. I’ve had my chat program on, but he never appears. I don’t stalk his Facebook, but I can’t help painfully notice his posts appear at times when I know I’ve been on the computer. This is the longest absence of communication since our early days of e-mailing.
The worst part about this is the last guy I thought I was getting to know (again through that damn dating service) did a similar thing to me. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s me. Maybe I just have this knack for making guys think they want to date me and then realize they want out but don’t want to hurt my feelings. And the last guy I did end up e-mailing him to ask if he was still interested. It was another damn seesaw. He said yes, but give him time. That guy and I had already been e-mailing almost a year with no chatting online or any phone calls. I just can’t go through this again.
This is where I am right now people. Please, please tell me what I should do. I’ve been wanting to do like with the last guy and e-mail him and pour out a little bit of my feeling and/or ask if he wants to cut off our communication. But the few friends and relatives that know about him caution me on such a move. They say that pressuring him like that can really send him away, especially if that’s not his frame of mind right now. But I can’t take this. I don’t want to be kept in limbo. If he’s not interested anymore, I would rather know now than have him keep me hanging like this. And the worst part is, I just don’t know what he’s thinking. Why hasn’t he contacted me? I know he’s been online. The agony of wondering is what’s killing me.
What do I do? I’m not so foolish that I can’t perhaps see the writing on the wall. Someone once told me if he was really interested, he’d be making more of an effort to e-mail, talk, chat, whatever. Sadly, I know they’re right. I just am so upset that I’m being kept hanging. Is e-mailing him the right thing to do?
Thank you for any advice.
Pikachu99
I’ve only posted a couple of times here but I’ve found the people incredibly friendly and non-judgmental. Thus, I’ve come back for more words of wisdom. Or heck, even some comfort.
Let me just start off by saying that I have no idea if I’m in an LDR. Obviously not if I’m posting here, but for the last month I thought he and I were working to at least get to that point. Please note I tried to keep this explanation short, but it turned out rather long. I hope any advice-givers bear with me as I pour out my sad tale.
First off, he and I met on a dating service. If anyone remembers my first post, I put all the details there. But to save time here’s the rest. I was the one that approached him. He seemed very receptive and eager to get to know me, so I followed up on my initial “Do you want to chat” overture.
We began e-mailing at the end of the week and within a couple of weeks exchanged a handful of e-mails before I was the one that took the initiative and asked if he wanted to try chatting in real time. Fortunately he and I were on the same chat program, so we made plans to try it. He wasn’t able to chat right away as it was leading up to Christmas and he was still working and trying to prepare to drive up to stay with relatives.
Much to my pleasure, we finally did get to chat online. “He” had several weeks off and I was in seventh heaven thinking that we’d get plenty of time to chat. Unfortunately, that’s not what happened. The time difference and all the stuff surrounding the Christmas season supposedly got in the way. I’m a recent college graduate trying to find a job, so sadly I have plenty of time on my hands. Thus I am and was always on the computer or nearby. Needless to say I was extremely disappointed in the number of hook-ups we were able to get. We never really spoke of arranging a time to meet, and I felt self-conscious about it since our “relationship” was so new. I’ve not had a lot of dating experience and I feel like such a duck out of water.
Moving along… I thought things were progressing as well as can be expected considering we live 7,000 miles and an ocean away. I never let on my disappointment in our lack of time chatting and simply took what I could get. The thing is, things have gotten to a point the last few days where I don’t know what to do. Mainly regarding the mixed signals he’s been giving me.
To give some examples… Over the last two months every now and then he’d out-of-the-blue pop out a remark that would flatter me considerably. He would say how much he really enjoyed talking to me. How his humor and my own matched so well. Last week he said to me in a chat session that he felt like he’d known me a lot longer than in actuality. He said I was funny and he enjoyed chatting and exchanging e-mails.
But here’s the real kicker… On new year’s eve we managed to chat for a bit before he had to head out to a party. I asked him if he had any new year’s resolutions. He said one thing and then said and to meet you!
Again, I was so flattered. I thought, this is a good sign I think. He’s at least mulling over the idea of us meeting in person in 2011.
But the follow-up kicker? He told me that he had to go pack his bag to head back for the party. I don’t remember if he asked me if I would still be on (it was 1 a.m. where I lived) or if I was heading to bed. I told him I had catnapped earlier so would probably be on if he wanted to come back. He told me that he would be back in half an hour. I wound up waiting two and a half hours for him. More because I was genuinely awake than waiting for him. But when it hit that 2 ½ hour mark, I got disgusted and went to bed. His lack of an appearance even after he told me he would be back didn’t worry me so much. I mean, I know how it is when you stand up to do something supposedly quick and you get sidetracked.
Unfortunately, that was the last real-time contact I had with him. I’ve been seesawing between hurt, anger and at the moment tears. I have to admit it. I hate thinking I’m so weak that I would shed tears at this early stage of a “relationship”, but I can’t help it. His signals, in my mind, have indicated we were getting along fine.
What’s happened recently is that I’ve neither spoke nor heard from him since. Oh, he did send me a very, very brief e-mail on new year’s day to wish me happy new year and to offer a couple of sentences on what he did. I thought, okay, he’s not totally digging out on me. I replied with a simple e-mail of my own. More so because I really wasn’t sure what was going on in his mind.
Since then I’ve had zilch contact. Not a damn e-mail. I’ve had my chat program on, but he never appears. I don’t stalk his Facebook, but I can’t help painfully notice his posts appear at times when I know I’ve been on the computer. This is the longest absence of communication since our early days of e-mailing.
The worst part about this is the last guy I thought I was getting to know (again through that damn dating service) did a similar thing to me. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s me. Maybe I just have this knack for making guys think they want to date me and then realize they want out but don’t want to hurt my feelings. And the last guy I did end up e-mailing him to ask if he was still interested. It was another damn seesaw. He said yes, but give him time. That guy and I had already been e-mailing almost a year with no chatting online or any phone calls. I just can’t go through this again.
This is where I am right now people. Please, please tell me what I should do. I’ve been wanting to do like with the last guy and e-mail him and pour out a little bit of my feeling and/or ask if he wants to cut off our communication. But the few friends and relatives that know about him caution me on such a move. They say that pressuring him like that can really send him away, especially if that’s not his frame of mind right now. But I can’t take this. I don’t want to be kept in limbo. If he’s not interested anymore, I would rather know now than have him keep me hanging like this. And the worst part is, I just don’t know what he’s thinking. Why hasn’t he contacted me? I know he’s been online. The agony of wondering is what’s killing me.
What do I do? I’m not so foolish that I can’t perhaps see the writing on the wall. Someone once told me if he was really interested, he’d be making more of an effort to e-mail, talk, chat, whatever. Sadly, I know they’re right. I just am so upset that I’m being kept hanging. Is e-mailing him the right thing to do?
Thank you for any advice.
Pikachu99
Comment