I feel like I'm being immature but...

[Lexi]

Here's my little dilemma.

Throughout our LDR, (since August), my SO has been the one to call me.
Which is great, it's so nice to know that he's always thinking about me and cares enough to call me everyday. It's mostly been him calling me since he works & goes to school, and I currently, do not. Thus, it has been more likely that he'll catch me in a free moment than me being able to catch him.

However, lately, I've been calling him (at times I know he's not at work and he doesn't start school again til February, so he has a lot more free time than before), and it's RARE if he answers. And, usually his excuse is, "Oh my phone was charging" or "I was sleeping" or "I was watching TV with my parents" - and I'm just like, "um okay?"

ALL this time, I would wake up when the phone rings at 7 in the morning when he'd call on his way to work (even though I had no plans and could very well sleep in), or if I was with my parents and he'd call, I'd excuse myself and talk to him for 5 short minutes or at least text him back and tell him I couldn't talk. I know I haven't been as busy, but I'm definitely making sacrifices here and there to talk to him...

This has JUST started really bothering me because, I guess I feel like I'm going out of my way to talk to him and he just calls me when he's bored during his 10 minute drive to and from work/school. I'm lucky he calls me so often, I know some people have trouble getting their SO to even call, but I just wish he would answer my calls once in a while.

So right now, my way of dealing with it, is just fighting fire with fire.
It seems so immature, but I think it's the best way to get my point across before verbally addressing it. Every time he calls, I just ignore it. He called me this morning at 8, and I woke up, looked at the call and just rolled over and went back to sleep. It felt so unnatural! I'm probably only going to keep it up for another day or two... and then when I do talk to him, bring it up... and hope he understands and see's exactly where I'm coming from... It's not the BIGGEST deal, but I want him to see how it makes me feel when I feel like our phone calls have been strictly on HIS terms, never mine.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you or (would you) deal with it? I hope I don't come across immature... ;x

[princessmia]

Okay. I've learned something very important from this website and that is, if you've got a problem, tell him, bring it up straight up, say how you feel. If I was in your situation, I wouldn't ignore his calls, and instead pick up the phone, talk to him for a couple minutes and tell him you have something that's been bothering you that you want to talk to him about. And then say something like 'Whenever I call you, you never pick up, and yeah you've given reasons for it, but I just cant help but feel that you don't want to talk to me when I call and it bothers me for some reason...etc'
And don't try to be negative and accusing...because then he'll get offended and you'll start arguing. Try to be neutral, and somewhat positive.
Ignoring his calls won't do anything good, because if he finds out that he was going out of his way to call you and you just ignore him, he may start calling less. And you don't want that, right? And you don't want him thinking that you don't want to talk to him, and that could open up another can of worms and possibly an argument. And you don't want that either, correct?
And I know he's doing that to you, but the next time he calls you bring it up. Trust and honesty are super important in relationships, close distance or long distance.
Good luck!

[theitchinc]

Its okay I totally understand the whole issue of calling since i'm the only one from my side calling my SO
its okay that I'm the one calling really but now I tried to call lesser as he said before since he don't see why I need to call everday cause he dont see the need in that.
But everytime i call he dont sound excited or anything in fact its not easy to get through to him as sometimes he may not even pick up his phone. just like in your case.
He says that he didn't hear his phone, he was in the showers, he didn't feel like talking to anyone that day.

now i found a way to SMS him which seems like a form of communication he prefers compared to calling and perhaps QQ? I don't know we never talked about what form of communication he prefers.
Now its so difficult to contact him cause even today, its been 4 days since we've talked and i used to call every night.
He just finish showering and was doing his laundry. He said he's busy and lets talk another time.
This sucks！comeon' can you at least sound excited that i called you since i haven't called you for a while. i thought you would have missed me

[Cucaratcha]

I know how you feel, sometimes I feel so, my girlfriend tells me quite often "Oh I didnt hear it"... I believe her, but she knows more or less when Im calling... as soon as go out of school/work, so she should be waiting for the call... I'd be like this if it was the opposite. I'm the one who's calling, it's ok, even if I'd sometimes like to be "surprised" by her calling me, as I can answer at anytime of the day quite easily, either at school than at work.

But in your situation, I don't thing not answering his calls is the best way to make it better. Just speak to him. You want it to be better, so don't ignore his calls voluntarily, it's just causing more mess between you.

I think one of the most important point in a LDR, is to make concessions, because it really sucks to fight in this kind of relation, because you don't have this physical contact to make the things better, which is as important as your words and actions. As I said, I know how you feel, when you are in the situation that he doesn't answer, it sucks... but when you really think about it, it's not a big issue... as soon as he shows you how much he loves you in different ways.

[Dziubka]

We had a similar problem...
Not exactly the same, since I can't afford to call him anyway. But I felt like I was sacrificing much more for our relationship than he was. For example, he'd always call me around 11pm. And while that's mostly ok, there's days when I'd like to go to bed earier. If I have class at 8:30 the next day I can't stay up until midning/1am to talk to him, because I'll be absolutely wrecked the whole day.
I asked him to call earlier ... no effects ("I'm studying/sleeping/busy before" or even "Yeah ok" and then he'd call 10:45pm... great improvement). So I'd just msg him when I was about to go to sleep that he could either call then or we'd speak tomorrow, cause I was going to sleep. And it magically worked

I'd try the "talk-about-it" approach first. If it's not working, you can still take other measures.

[Moon]

There's really nothing wrong with giving him a taste of his own medicine for a couple of days, sometimes giving an example of how you feel, rather than just using words, can be effective. Although, to be honest, I would have spoken to him about it first and then ignored his calls only if the conversation didn't help. Give him a chance to either correct the action, or to explain why he's doing it. Maybe he really does leave his phone in another room if he's home? Who knows, but let him explain himself.

[paulawriteslove]

I think that you should just tell him straight up what is bothering you. Try to nip this problem in the bud before it gets worse. Best of luck!

[Silviar]

I would identify if it's really the fact that he doesn't answer your calls, the fact that he doesn't call you more, or the fact that you're making schedule sacrifices that's really bothering you. You mention all three, and maybe all three are points, but usually one of them's the big sticking point that's biting your arse. I'd identify that and see if you can handle that one, and in turn it'll help improve the other two.

[Yei&Jon]

I've had this discussion with Jon a few times. I usually wait for him to call me because, like your SO, he's the one that's busy most of the time with either work, hanging out with his parents or hanging out with friends and I don't like interrupting any of those. When I do call, again, like your SO, he rarely answers and gives me the same excuses when he does pick up. Also, when he does answer, it's like the second or third time I call him but usually it's like 1 out of 3 calls with hours between them, might I add. It doesn't happen that often anymore but when I start noticing, I either bring it up or he just figures something's wrong 'cause of my tone of voice and that's when we talk about it.

if I was with my parents and he'd call, I'd excuse myself and talk to him for 5 short minutes or at least text him back and tell him I couldn't talk. I know I haven't been as busy, but I'm definitely making sacrifices here and there to talk to him...

This. I know exactly what you're talking about. I do it too. But, what I don't do is "fight fire with fire". I'd rather get the issue over and, like someone mentioned above, "nip it in the bud".

Good luck!

[lucybelle]

Do not ignore his calls. What I've learned throughout my relationships is that if you want something, ask for it. Do not sit around and wait for the other party to figure it out. Especially guys, they can be dense (no offense, guys! )

[agentholli]

I agree with the above

[Kika]

I am the one who always finds excuses becuase I don't like taliking on a phone in public, I prefer when he calls me when I am in my room alone, otherwise it's very likely that I would ignore the call. Maybe he has the same problem

[Stephanieeee]

[QUOTE=princessmia;74892]Okay. I've learned something very important from this website and that is, if you've got a problem, tell him, bring it up straight up, say how you feel. [QUOTE]
Perfect advice. Don't play games, it wont solve anything. Not immature, just..not thought out very well, hahah. I'd probably have done the same thing a couple months ago.

[LostInLove]

I'm actually on the other side of this equation, for quite some time I often wouldn't pick up the phone when he called, unless we arranged a time to chat in advance. I'd just forget to turn the silent mode off, or wander around the house without it. I've never been big on talking on the phone, so it's taking a while to get used to someone actually calling me. Eventually he just started texting me to ask if he could call. That way I could see it the next time I checked my phone, and let him know if it was a good time or not, and if it wasn't then when I was free to chat as well.

Not sure if something like this would work in your situation but maybe it's worth a shot? Maybe a bit of advanced notice will encourage him to pick up the phone. But I agree that ignoring his calls just to make a point isn't really the best solution.