May call it quits :(

[sagittariusgirl89]

FIRST OFF: NO RUDE POSTS!

I feel like I have changed towards my relationship. I feel somewhat numb. Yesterday at school, I kissed a guy twice. I really wasnt thinking, I just did it. I was shocked. I told John because I felt bad and guilty. John now feels like he isnt optimistic about us anymore and I understand.

I know...I should stop texting guys and focus on John. But, Ive tried and it is hard. I dont know If Im no longer committed and I should just end it.

I admit, I am curious about being single, but at the same time, It would kill me to know I wouldnt see john anymore.

I think the best thing is for me to be single..but idkkkk

[Silviar]

If you're so afraid of rude posts, why don't you go anonymous?

Hun, you do what you want to do with your relationship - if it's not going to work, it's not, and it doesn't make you any less of a person because you dislike handling the distance. It simply means that you are not able to and don't want to - and that's fine.

I would take some time not talking to any guys, and just give yourself a chance to hear your inner voice speak. Do what's right for you.

[Mizpah]

From my experience, you only start wondering what it's like to be single if something is wrong in or with your relationship. I have never had a reason to wonder that with my now-husband, because I feel so blessed to have him in my life and love him so much, but I had those thoughts all the time with my ex who I was with three years (engaged for two) one he started treating me progressively worse. It wasn't until my ex admitted that he had lied to me about everything three months before the wedding he had contributed nothing to, that I risked it all, risked being alone. I might be wrong about this, but it sounds almost as if you are more afraid of being alone than losing John. If that's the case, then you do need to be single, and give yourself that time to see what you really want. I did, and I am so glad that I did. I met Aaron three months, one day later, or just two days after I would have been married to the one person who couldn't have been any more wrong for me if he tried (and he did).

[amandamayaaa]

yeah i think that you should end it

as much as it might hurt you to end it, it doesn't seem like your in it at all right now, and the more you keep doing things behind your SO's back.. the more your just going to hurt him and the relationship

from what it sounds you may need to experience what it's like to be single again so you don't hurt your relationship in the process of being confused

then who knows.. you may realize things you don't understand right now

but you shouldn't put him through that, either end it or stop doing what your doing

[garnet]

but you shouldn't put him through that, either end it or stop doing what your doing

I agree with the above statement. I think it's pretty clear, from this post, and from the things you've been doing, that your heart is not in your relationship. Let it go, let yourself move on, let John move on.

[Moon]

I think you do know, but are a little afraid of the consequences, and that's OK. You've got to do what's right for you, and if that's being single, well then there you go, be single and enjoy it. Just don't drag it out and leave John hanging, its not fair to him.

Most relationships end, that's why we date plenty of people before getting married, or settling down or whatever; before finding that one right person out of many. If your heart isn't in it anymore, you can't help that.

[Richard Marks]

Not a lot I can add really. It may seem a little bit of a wash out to let go of your LDR. You know what to expect and you feel kinda safe in it, while being single is a scary scenario. The thing is your heart does not really seem to be in this relationship, and if it is not in the relationship you are just going to cause more pain down the road.

By the sounds of your post, it is time for you to call it quits on your relationship, let John down gently so you can still be friends. Then you need to take a step back, smell the roses, relish being single for a while as you learn about your own heart.

Who knows, you may just find yourself in the same situation I found myself in: falling in love with someone when you were not even looking for love.

[agentholli]

I agree with the above statement. I think it's pretty clear, from this post, and from the things you've been doing, that your heart is not in your relationship. Let it go, let yourself move on, let John move on.

Perfect! agree with all of this.

[mllebamako]

I'll just echo all the sentiment above: your heart isn't in it anymore. It's too bad but it's not the end of the world and it's better for you to end it than to drag it out.

[Rach321]

I agree with everyone that you don't seem to be invested in this relationship. I can understand it. I know you care for John, but you've also been very dependent on him. Perhaps it's time for you to grow as an individual. I hope you can take this time to really work on becoming a more confident, independent woman. I think you've taken steps already, in attending school.

If I can have one piece of advice for you, I ask that you think carefully about jumping right into another relationship. Until you feel complete on your own, you won't be able to have a healthy relationship with someone else.

Best wishes to you!

[Karringtyn]

Agree with all that has been said.

Just remember that even though it is great to have "new" feelings and such...if you do end it, take time for yourself. Be single, date, and take that time. Learn how it is to be an individual..and then when the right person comes along to add to your life..it will be right.

Take care....

[hxcbreakdance]

If you're curious about being single and feeling like you cannot commit it probably would be best to call it quits in my opinion, just seems like you need more independence and be single for a while. It's better than going behind your SO again and talking to guys. Good luck!

[sagittariusgirl89]

Thanks everyone.

Ive done some thinking since I posted this and I really feel so bad. I hurt John and if I could take it back I would. We are still together as of now, and I do want to work on our relationship. John does so much for me and I know he feels like I take it for granted. I told Sean today that I am going to try to stop texting him because it is affecting me.

I love John and I don't want to throw this relationship away.

I do think that I am unhappy in some parts of my relationship. I do wish there was more sexuality in it. I do wish John would text me something sexual to make me feel like he needs me in that way. That is the only reason why I want to text Sean. Sean just got out of a 8 yr relationship and he told me he isnt looking for a relationship.

I feel like when I text a guy while John is at home that I dont miss John as much...

If anyone could post some advice on how to get out of the HABIT of texting other men and to improve my relationship it would be greatly appreciated.

[Rugger]

Delete guys you text in that way from your phone. I have a bad habit of drunk texting so when T and I got together, I deleted all the guys I drunk texted from my phone so Drunk me wouldn't have the option.

[Richard Marks]

OK a couple of things:

1. To stop texting other guys, take their numbers out of your phone, and delete all the incriminating texts (both sent & received)
2. As to improving your relationship, that is going to be hard to do. LDR's do suffer a major flaw, and that is a lack of 'quality time' with your SO. Mostly it lacks the physical side of things. Maybe you should tell your SO about your need to feel like a wanted woman, see if he is willing to text you sexually explicit material of what he would like to do with you when you are together. Maybe you can suggest that he sends you some sexy lingerie which you can then model in front of the camera for him or something like that.
Finally, you may want to think about investing in a 'battery operated friend'............