Am I being too dramatic?

[jhemfl]

I just joined this site because me and my girlfriend have really bee having some drama around our long distance relationship. Now before I go any further, I want to explain our LDR situation.

I'm away at college (which is about 3 hours away) and she is back home. I come home and visit for a weekend every two weeks to see her. Most of the people on this website would probably criticize me for my situation that it's not that serious of a separation. In all fairness I agree, but everyone is used to their specific "ways" things are done in a relationship and me and my girlfriend are best friends so it's hard for us to not have the option of simply hanging out with one another.

My girlfriend has this quirky logic that I have the potential to meet someone new at college. We've been together 6 years and I've never cheated on her, never cursed at her or even said a single derogatory thing about her the entire time we've been together. I love this woman, I want her to be the mother of my children.

The main problem is me. I am super stressed that the pressure is on me to come down and visit her. She doesn't have her own car (just a family car) and she works on weekends (so she couldn't come visit anyway because we both have school during the week) and I don't have a job. So basically I come down and just hang out at my house all day until shes off work then we hang out at night and are together and we do that basically every day until I go back. The problem is, all of my close friends live at my college so when I go to visit her she is the only thing I have. I cling to her and I do not want that. She doesn't mind but I just don't like the fact that my parent's are paying all this money for me to attend college and my girlfriend wants me home every other week.

My parents say they don't mind the expenses and that I should be happy because I get the best of both worlds (a loving relationship and going away to college). I'm just afraid that my boredom around my girlfriend will be redirected towards her and it will cause me to resent her.


Am I being too dramatic? Should I be happy that I get to keep my gf and go to college for the price of a 6 hour round trip drive every 2 weeks? Or are my worries rational, is it ridiculous that I drive that far every two weeks?

[LadyMarchHare]

Welcome to the site, first off.

I don't think you're being dramatic. My opinion, and others may not agree, is your girlfriend needs to start earning her way to even out the 'score', so to speak. I'm talking saving up for a used car so she can visit you and working on the job thing once that's done. It's not wholly fair to you that you're doing all this even though I know her situation currently doesn't allow anything else, but that can be changed and I think it would be a positive one for the both of you. She gets a goal and eventually there can be some switching up in the 'routine'. Plus she'd be able to meet your friends.

I don't think it's ridiculous you drive that much so long as the end result is your happiness. If you're happy seeing your girlfriend and family then by all means do it as often as you can. As for your girlfriend's logic, she's not far off. College is an experience that often changes people enough to sever friendships and even relationships. Just keep reassuring her you're not part of that statistic.

[jhemfl]

I love my girlfriend dearly. She has been with me through everything and I don't want to lose her. But I DO NOT want to feel like I'm throwing away an expensive college experience given to me.

I have suggested the getting a car idea to come visit me, and she says she'll try. But she's a stoner lazy college chick like me too so I doubt she'll find a new job. But we have broken up in the past for about a year and we came back to each other and have both decided we wanna spend the rest of our lives with each other. I'm just afraid I'm blowing up the little things because I'm a spoiled only child (kinda forgot to mention this) I'm very humble and generous but I've always gotten everything I wanted and my mom has always made sure I was always happy literally no matter what.
Everything has been given to me and I've always been a loner kind of I really only have like 1-2 really close friends (but I have a ton of friends, but not close friends (people I can party with but not hang out with)) that I can be open with and thank god for the anonymity of the internet so that I'm able to post this but I digress... I'm just afraid that because I'm not getting my way and I'm having to cope for once in my life that it's freaking me out. I feel like if anyone else were in my situation they'd be stoked for the months to come, but I unfortunately am worried about my relationship.
My girlfriend isn't worried at all, she says while I'm here in person, but when I'm away at college it's a totally different story; she always tells me I'm not romantic enough and it scares me because she's a strong willed girl. If she is not happy she will fix it, regardless of what's in the way. We broke up the first time because we both lost our jobs when Circuit City went out of business and we had idle hands and became unhappy with our lives and it channeled into our relationship and she broke up with me because she said "She wasn't happy anymore" which was understandable because at this time we had zero money for any entertainment and we only saw each other maybe twice a week to be intimate.
My girlfriend has a very big problem controlling her emotions, one second she'll be very motherly loving the next second she is a cold heartless wall. I'm the same way but not in such extremes. But basically she tells me not to worry about the coming semester when she's around me but when I'm actually at college she has often completely flipped out on me and refused to answer my calls and just crazy stress I have never been able to deal with (If she wouldn't answer my calls before I would drive 2 blocks to her house and go make her feel better, this is how it always has worked, but now I live too far to fix things so I have to deal with lasting fights and it kills me at college and the worst of these fights happened exam week last semester). I just want her to make peace with me being here and I feel like if she were to get a car somehow and just become intertwined with my life instead of relying on me to include her in on it it would be great.

[Yorkshire Girl]

Welcome to the site =)

I dont think your being over dramatic, I think you are thinking rationally which is a good thing =)

I agree that your gf may need to think about saving up for her own car and then the pressure is off you a little. Also maybe try extend the 2 weeks to 3/4 weeks, you may be suprised at how well you cope. Me and my SO have been dating for 5 years and live together. We are Long distance for 4 months now whilst he has an operation in his home country and visits his family. We have a normal routine everyday, as like I said we live together, and before he left in November the thought of not being with him for 4 months was the worst thing in the world. But 8 weeks on and over half way to seeing him, I am coping. Only just but I am.

So maybe when you think you wouldnt be able to go longer than 2 weeks without seeing her, you might. =) Sometimes you have to push yourself to understand how strong you are.

=)

[LadyMarchHare]

Hey, we all have our faults and if you feel worried, then it's valid to you. May not be to others, but to hell with them at the moment. If you're honestly worried that because you're coping you'll do something to screw up the relationship, I'd maybe talk to your girl about that and see how she feels, if she can reassure you or tell you that things on your end need changing. If it's the latter, that's something only you can work on and believe me it's a hard thing. I'm an only child who was a bit spoiled rotten because my parents were sharing me through joint custody and wanted to win me to each side. I have the same moments where if something's difficult, I don't get my way, what have you I can throw a tantrum or just act off. Granted I've gotten better through putting myself outside my comfort zone but that's just how I deal with it. But as I said, maybe a talk with her is in order to see both sides of things and to let her know how you really feel and that it's not her fault, it's just how you feel.

[lucybelle]

I agree with LMH, it's going to get real old you having to drive every weekend to see her.

Not saying this will happen to you, but here's my story. I had a bf when I went into my freshman year of college, while he took a year off to work. Every weekend I went home to visit him and I sort of regret it. Well not regret... but wish I had done things differently. I feel like I missed out on my whole freshman year of school! I didn't go to the parties, didn't hang out with friends, didn't experience the "freshman" life. When everyone was meeting each other and hanging out, I was home. We eventually broke up because we were really different. But a huge thing that lead to it was us being in different parts in our lives. I was in school, he wasn't. He couldn't understand what I was going through, so it lead to arguments.

I understand you wanting to go home every weekend, I really do because I did the exact same thing! The only thing I request is that you make time for yourself as well. College is a big deal, and she should make an effort to visit you as well.

[luna_banana]

My girlfriend has a very big problem controlling her emotions, one second she'll be very motherly loving the next second she is a cold heartless wall. I'm the same way but not in such extremes. But basically she tells me not to worry about the coming semester when she's around me but when I'm actually at college she has often completely flipped out on me and refused to answer my calls and just crazy stress I have never been able to deal with (If she wouldn't answer my calls before I would drive 2 blocks to her house and go make her feel better, this is how it always has worked, but now I live too far to fix things so I have to deal with lasting fights and it kills me at college and the worst of these fights happened exam week last semester). I just want her to make peace with me being here and I feel like if she were to get a car somehow and just become intertwined with my life instead of relying on me to include her in on it it would be great.

This seems like a bit of a red flag to me. I'm not sure how often something like this happens but your girlfriend refusing to answer your calls is a bit immature and does nothing to help the argument. The thing is that she knew if she refused your calls, you'd come over to see her. And she knows that if she says you're not being romantic enough when you're at college, then you will feel pressured to come see her. Hopefully being in a long distance relationship will help you two communicate better, but right now, it almost seems like she's manipulating you.

[Zephii]

I didn't read all the replies, so if I missed something I'm sorry. I've also never been to college, so I might be off the mark... but, you don't have class on the weekend right? And it's once a fortnight not every week? And it's three hours?
If I didn't miss anything, then I think you're being too dramatic.

You're not missing anything because you're in college to learn and make a future for yourself, not goof off, and you can goof off on every second weekend when you're not with your girlfriend. One weekend for your mates, one for the gf seems perfectly reasonable to me. I used to travel that same amount every week to see my family (I had wednesdays off, so I'd travel on the tuesday night and return wednesday night) so I do know what a pain in the arse it is, but we all do what we need to do.

To avoid resentment, I'd suggest finding something to keep yourself occupied while she's at work. Study. Cook. Make something. Mow lawns for extra cash. Walk dogs for your neighbours. Run errands. Keep yourself busy, and the time wont be wasted.
You might ask her for petrol money every now and then though, fair is fair.

Just my 2c though. Take cares

[Mara]

Honestly, it sounds like to me that neither of you is considerate enough to be in the situation you are in. Which isn't the worse thing in the world, it's better to realize the problem and work on it to not understand what the problem is and to continue to go on as you are and things end badly.

I understand you wanting to spend your free time doing something else other than driving six hours round trip to go visit your girlfriend every other weekend. I really do. College is stressful enough on it's own without adding in a long distance relationship. I get the feeling your girlfriend is putting a lot of pressure on you to do this or do that or else instead of trying to be understanding of your situation, your feelings, your needs, etc.

It's hard to be in a close distance relationship and then, suddenly be long distance. Things cannot remain the same as they were simply because you are no longer so close to the person. You are both going to have to make sacrifices and allowances if you want the relationship to truly work. I think you both need to have an honest talk with each other about what the both of you need out of the relationship and then, reach an agreement that will work for the both of you. If you keep going on like it is, I don't see the two of you making it work.