i really wish my boyfriend was into writing letters. we mainly communicate over the phone and on AIM, but i think it would be so romantic and personal if we wrote letters to each other! he wasn't totally opposed to it when i talked to him it seemed, but he was not very interested because he thought it would be--besides insanely slow--pointless since we talk to each other almost every day via the other mediums i mentioned. i don't know how to explain to him or make him see why i think it's important. :/
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Are you talking regular letters or love letters, because the latter's a lot different than the former. Some people aren't fond of writing or putting any feelings down on paper, so that may be one part of it as well. You could try telling him that you would like to write the letters so you both have physical manifestations that prove your affection and that they would help when you miss each other as I know plenty here when they miss their SOs re-read letters and conversations to feel like they're there. But if he doesn't want to, you really can't make him and I think I'd rather get a letter that was written because they wanted to than whatever half-assed product comes from being forced, you know? -
I think I might understand your situation pretty well, and I believe your wishes are completely legitimate.
I love having a handwritten letter from my SO that I can read over and over again, and it is a very romantic gesture to send letters to each other, especially in a long-distance relationship.
Have you ever read or heard of the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? It's a great book, and it talks about the idea that many of us have different ways we express our love to each other, particularly in the five areas of "touch," "quality time," "acts of service," "giving of gifts," or "words of affirmation." Each of us is strongest in one or more of these areas for expressing or receiving love, but the trouble can come when the styles you two have for expressing your love doesn't always match up.
For example, I'm very much a "words of affirmation" and "quality time" girl. My SO very much needs "touch" and "quality time." It's great that we match up in "quality time," but from reading the book, we both can see how important our other areas are for feeling fully loved and cherished by each other. My SO is not a writer either, and he sometimes has difficulty expressing the affectionate words to me directly as well. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love me; he only primarily shows it in other ways.
However, reading the book was very helpful to us because it helped us to see what love languages we both speak and how we can both convey our love for each other in these strongest areas. There may just be a good chance that he doesn't primarily speak or receive words of affirmation, so your SO might just not realize how important these things are toward helping you to feel loved and appreciated. I had a heart-to-heart with my SO about this, and as a result he's making significant effort in showing his love for me in this area. As well, I've needed to recognize the ways that I can show my love to him using "touch."
Perhaps you could both read through the book together (even borrowing it from the library if you didn't want to buy it) and then discuss its content? You might find it more helpful in the long-run to explain your needs for "words of affirmation" this way than by simply telling him you wished you both wrote letters more often. Best wishes to you!
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Dammit, LMH again said most of what I wanted to Anyway, not everybody likes to write, some people find it downright painful. If you bug him about it, he'll do it just to shut you up, and you aren't going to get those heartfelt, romantic letters you're looking for. You'll get a few awkward lines that aren't from his heart, but you can try writing to him a few times, nice, newsy, casual letters, and see how he responds, even a cute little card is a good start. Some of us are writers and some aren't, you can't change that but if you treat it carefully, without being annoying, he might at least try it.
Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert EinsteinComment
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i completely agree, i would never want to "force" him to do anything! and i'm a pretty shy person anyway, so it's not like i've been nagging him about it. if he's really uninterested, i respect that! i just wasn't sure if there was some sort of point to letter-writing that he might appreciate, like if anyone else has been in this situation. but regardless, we still do have romantic conversations and whatnot so it really is not too big a problem. and also, Trethsparr, i love books and reading so your recommendation was awesome thanks!
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I've gotten a few letters from my boyfriend, which were really great and heartfelt. But I find they are better from him when it's spontanious and when it's his idea to write and when he wants to. Otherwise I wouldn't want to force him, I do write him more letters but I guess that just means when I do get them from him they are quite special. Though yeah I kinda would like more I suppose....oh well, I get affirmations in other ways on a daily basis. I suppose its nice to know they took time out of their day to do it and it's something really personal and heartfelt, but forcing them would only make them resist more probably LOLComment
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I thought I would point something else out as well if I may.
Some men don't want to write letters for a simple reason (and I am one of these people), their handwriting sucks. I will often compare my handwriting to that of a dying spider crawling across the page, there are in fact times I have trouble reading my own handwriting.
Now what can you do about this? Well do not pressure him about it, just gently suggest that you would love a more personal handwritten letter than IM's or emails. You may need to point out that to you a handwritten letter is a more loving gesture in your mind than the words 'I love you" over the phone.
You can also try sending him a hand written letter, and see if he responds (this is what my wife did).Love is the only thing that can cross all boundaries and cannot be stopped. It crosses countries, continents, oceans and even the stars themselves. It makes peace in the middle of war, and stops hatred in it's tracks. -Anon
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. - Apostle Paul in his first letter to the Church at Corinth (1 Corinthians 13:3-5)Comment
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Just to add on, I'm a girl with horrid handwriting. I've done letter writing to my guy, but they took me very long because I took the time to write more carefully than my usual chicken scratch. It was a pain in the butt, but I personally found it worth it. Others, regardless of gender, may not. A lot of people with bad handwriting don't like taking that time to 'clean it up' and like you mentioned won't do anything handwritten because they initially have poor handwriting.Originally posted by Richard Marks View PostComment
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Could you try writing him a letter, so he can experience the feeling you get when you get a letter from someone you love? And you could talk about why you think it would be a fun and neat idea to do it, another way of communicating which could be a plus in your relationship together?
I just randomly sent a letter to my guy, didn't mention anything to him about it, and explained to him why i wanted to do it...even tho it was more of a like 'we're doing this' lol. But he loved it! And we send letters back and forth every couple weeks (because it takes a week to deliver)Comment
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Hahaha I know what you're talking about, my SO's handwriting is so hard to read! But I think its cute XDOriginally posted by Richard Marks View PostComment
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Mine is completely crap at writing letters!! haha I write to him fairly regularly because I've always found writing therapeutic, so when I'm missing him badly it helps me to write to him. He does other stuff, like leaving comments for me to find on facebook and sending me care packages. He also got me a promise ring, which I love because I can have something with me all the time to remind me of him, and he gave me a pendant and has given me a lot of clothes, some of which he sent to me in care packages. He also wrote me a beautiful, heartfelt poem and sent it to me through private messaging on facebook so I copy-pasted it in to a word document, changed the font in to a fancy one, printed it out and put it in a frame which is now on my bedside table. Different people just have different ways of expressing their love, that's all.
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Ah, I can kinda connect with this. I write letters to him weekly, though he says we talk about everything via email or skype so theres not always something to write a letter about. His reasoning also being that words could not describe his love for me. Nonetheless he tries and sends letters whenever he has time to
Anyone else find this? you talk about everything during the week, and that means you can't find anything to send a letter about?
Sometimes I think I just might have too much too say on my part
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