Keeping our relationship on hold (i really need some opinions)

[theitchinc]

like if you have read my previous threads before.
you would have known me and my SO have been extremely rocky to the point we might even end things already.
Basically I think its cause he has extreme man's pride and that he feels the him I'm seeing right now is when he is at his most down moment of his life.
And besides, he's having alot of pressure as he has alot of financial issues now that he's gonna go back to his hometown for lunar new year's visitation. And his older brother is getting married soon. Which means he would have to spend alot of money and time on them.
So i reckon he feels the pressure and strain about all this.
He mentioned to me that i don't have to call him everyday cause the fact that he is unable to call me now as I know how his financial situation is really bad now so I can't force him to put the priorities on me. Which i also understand. and i cause of his mans ego, i think he doesn't feel good that i'm calling all the time and he can't seem to do anything.

After that long serious talk he had with me. I haven't got to talk to him proper for a week.
Finally just now i got to call him and talk things out.
He was swaying between a break up and a put on hold/hiatus kinda thing.
Its like he thinks we should break up cause he thinks he'll be a burden to me!
and i would just feel its just cause he's really not in a good state now so he's feeling very uncertain of his future.
I said is it because you don't love me anymore? cause if it is it'll be easier for me to let go. then he said even if we were to end things its not cause he don't love me anymore, its because we're from way too different world and we're too far apart it seems too impossible to really be together eventually.
(I guess cause he's really pressured by his current stuff and the fact he don't even have a passport and money to find me anytime soon)
That he assured me that everything that happened before was real and that him being with me wasn't just for show off or anything. He promised he didn't play with my feelings in any way.

I told him, a break up isn't necessary. So now we're gonna be on hold like a pause for a few months for him to get his life back on track before we even discuss further about this relationship. I don't want him to break up with me just because he's not at his best cause i don't think thats really stupid. I still love him and he means the world to me.

We said we would not talk till March which my exams would end and i intend to visit him initially which i don't know if i should still visit him? though its a "it's complicated" relationship now, he says if someone wants to date me and all get to know them. and i'll never know if i'll find someone better. He said if we do eventually get someone new, we'll move on. If not we'll just leave it to fate? He beliefs if we're destined to be together we would be eventually.

I don't know, this is the best we could do for this kind of situation yeah?

[Stina83]

I'm so sorry to read about this Must be so hard for you right now, trust me, I know how you feel.
I don't want to shoot down your hopes for this, but to me it seems like the relationship is already over. If you put things on hold now, you're - in my opinion - not going to get back together, because you're so far apart and it's therefore so easy to drift apart even further. It seems that your bf just can't handle the long-distance relationship, and I doubt that he'll be able to 2 months from now, even if his financial situation gets back on track. It seems that he's given up already. To say that 'you leave it up to fate'.. that's the same as saying that it's the end of it (again, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong). Any relationship is hard work, but an LDR is even harder work, and so any relationship, probably especially an LDR, will suffer if you just leave it up to fate.
I, of course, hope that I'm wrong, but I've been reading your posts, and it sounds like your bf has been on his way out for a while now, he just has trouble taking the final step. I personally think it would be better for you to end it, instead of keeping your hopes up about this and possibly getting hurt big time again. You deserve someone who doesn't have any doubts that it's you he wants to be with, despite any obstacles. Good luck hun, and wish you all the best!

[theitchinc]

I guess yea i might be living in denial and putting hopes up for this just isn't right. But I'm just gonna see how it goes and live how i should be living and get busy with my school first since he's always want me to do well and not let our relationship affect my studies or his work.
But I really love him so much I dont know how!

I guess I can't call him now or anything, what i plan to do is to drop him smses once a week to let him know i'm giving him moral support from afar either as friend or a lover as thats the most I can do for now. Hoping he'll know i'm still there and when we talk again we'll see how it goes from there?

[Karringtyn]

I don't understand what "putting a relationship on hold" is going to do. Your relationship is still brand new. When you have issues, you work through them. You don't pause things and then pick up when things are better. Things just seem odd to me. You seem like a great person, I am just afraid there is more to this.

[Richard Marks]

I am sorry to say that I agree with what was said above. A temporary break will start to stretch out far beyond the two months. It always does. When times are tough in any relationship you face them together or you break apart, this is even more true when it comes to an LDR.

There was a time in my Long distance relationship with my wife when we talked about a temporary parting of ways, it was in the middle of our 8 months of hell when we could barely find the time to talk to each other. Let alone see each other. However we found a weekend free together where we could have one long conversation, and we did. Financially things were tough for her, plus she was about to move and I was working probably the worst schedule I have ever worked in my life, this put A LOT of stress on our relationship, and we needed to talk our way through it for us to move on.

Thankfully we did move through it and end up getting married, but it was only thanks to 1. Prayer and 2. talking through it, that we managed to survive.

My advice, if you really love this guy you will fight with all your heart, mind and soul to keep this relationship alive. Yes his ego (man pride) will find it difficult to swallow, and you will have to battle that as well, but if you are willing to invest the time, effort and money to work through this, and he is willing to work with you on this. then everything will turn out OK.

However he does need to be willing to work with you on this as well, always remember that it takes two to tango. He must be willing to work, and fight for this relationship as well, if he is not then it may just be time to call it quits.

[theitchinc]

My advice, if you really love this guy you will fight with all your heart, mind and soul to keep this relationship alive. Yes his ego (man pride) will find it difficult to swallow, and you will have to battle that as well, but if you are willing to invest the time, effort and money to work through this, and he is willing to work with you on this. then everything will turn out OK.

However he does need to be willing to work with you on this as well, always remember that it takes two to tango. He must be willing to work, and fight for this relationship as well, if he is not then it may just be time to call it quits.

I am willing to fight hard for this relationship but as said it takes two to tango, which i fully understand now. And at our current situation and with his stress of everything else on his part makes him feel like he's a burden to me now and that I should just move on and i beg to differ!
I guess its not gonna be a good time for us to discuss further for our relationship now so on hold is the best we could do? I don't know am i really lying to myself theres still hope though its actually over?

He don't wish that everytime I call I'm worrying about our relationship, so after talking about this putting on hold thing, he tried changing topic to asking how am I recently and all that, I check how is he too. We promised we would still be able to be in touch and all but now it seems like we've met the right person at the wrong time?

I really want to wait for him, I might even fly over once I can! maybe settling things face to face would still be the best solution at least for me.

[Silviar]

I think you both need to keep fighting for it. If calls are too much, how about letters? Cheaper things like that. But don't give yourself a break - it's a lose-lose. You're putting yourselves on hold for someone and the limbo is hell. Either find a way to keep loving and just accept that you guys can't talk as much / get creative, or break it off.

Another thing for him to keep in mind is that a relationship is about give and take, so if you're able to pay, then I can understand why you'd want to. When he can, he can take his turn. Relationships are about turns.

[lucybelle]

Alright, this is the way I see it. You have two choices: work this out now, or let it go. Going on a break is not the thing to do.

Just like others have said, I think your SO has been on his way out for a long time. I think he's a nice guy and doesn't want to break your heart. So he's blaming himself, the distance, his financial situations for the failure of the relationship when really... you two just weren't meant to be together. You are trying to hold on to something that's just not there anymore. Going to see him would not help. He's moved on emotionally, and I think you need to too. You're not allowed to talk until March... what kind of BS is that? Look, he's trying to let you down easy but you are a fighter. You're trying to save this relationship and he's not. Which means it just won't work out!

You seem like such a nice girl, I'm so certain you can find someone who will make you feel happy all the time. And not make up crazy rules like "let's see how long we can go without talking to each other"... I know it hurts now, but it won't forever.