Advice needed!

[AshleyMack]

I am new to the site, im not sure what are the do's and dont's...so please correct me if needed!!


I am dating a guy 7 years older than me...he is the first guy i've dated in 4years (since i had a really nasty break up..and my heart completely broken) our relationship didnt start out long distance but we knew eventually it was going to end up that way, he was working here in the town i live in. when we first met...we both kept saying how we were happily single, and all of that...but after time.. we got closer, i started staying with him every night.. the only time we were apart was when he went to work or went home on the weekends. well we "stayed the night together" from september-november 2010...everyone kept asking me....well are yall a couple? yall are always together... so i finally asked him...what are we? he .in a very nice way said..."ashley i told you i didnt want anything serious" ... so i told him..." ok i needed to know that because i was under the impression there was more between us, and i need to stop now before anymore feelings are developed.." and i left... i didnt call, text or see him for a week...well i already had a trip planned to his town with my mom and her boyfriend (who happened to be his neighbor)... the night before we left to go down there..he messaged me on facebook...and told me he'd like to see me when i got dwn there b/c we needed to talk... so needless to say..when i got there he took me out to eat...and showed me around town...and introduced me to his whole family & friends....which had me completely shocked because just a week ago...he didnt want any kind of relationship.... so we finally talked and isaid exactly that to him...."what changed" he told me...he realized..hes not getting any younger, and he knows im good for him...he did nothing but think of me the whole time i was gone... he said his main concern was the distance...he said its going to be very hard.....and i told him "what part of life is not hard...and it can work if we both want it to work" so ...we have been together ever since then...i've made a trip down there to see him..and he was here for new years... but my problem is... hes not very talkative when hes away from me.... b/c of his job he can't talk while at work...when hes not at work he is at his friends house playing the dang playstation 3...or at home where he has absolutely no signal... i do trust him...i do not think theres anything funny going on....its just that there isnt enough communcation.... he does not like to talk about his feelings. at all...but i need to hear how he feels... i dont want to come across as one of those "needy clingy" girlfriends..b/c im not like that...but i feel like if i tell him...i need you to call more and talk longer and halfway tell me how you feel so i know im not the only one feeling this way....it will run him off....
he is just as scared as i am about getting close to someone...so he should know how i feel


im sorry for rambling so much....i hope all of this makes sense! im sure theres at least one person here that can relate...

its just this is all new to me...im scared..and excited at the same time...i am falling hard for him...and fast....which has never happened before. he is a wonderful man..he has treated me 100x better in the past few months ..than my ex did the entire 4years i was with him....he amazes me all the time...its just the communication thing... how can i bring this up without sounding like a mad woman

[kymccloud]

I think it is best to just ease into it. If you want to talk more maybe suggest a phone call for a certain amount of time, or simply suggest that you might like it if you got to talk to him a little more. You don't have to constantly tell him you want to talk more. But every now and then doesn't hurt.

[AshleyMack]

Thank you so much for your advice! its funny how things happen, not to long after i posted that...he called me...and we talked for almost a hour..and i explained to him how i felt, and i needed to talk to him...and i told him communication is key to making this work...but only if we both want it to work... i told him "i want it to work, do you?" he said "yes i do" (big happy face enter here lol) i think i over react sometimes...b/c of my fear of being hurt again..... but he made that conversation so easy...i thought it would be a difficult thing to explain.... but it wasnt at all.. i am seriously falling hard for him....

[Karringtyn]

Hi there! Welcome to LFAD! I am glad you guys got to talk! LDR's are hard...but soooooo worth it!

[Stina83]

Welcome to the forum Yeah, glad you talked it out. My SO was a little that way too in the beginning, he's not good at talking about his feelings and didn't use to be a phone person at all. The closer we've gotten though, that has completely changed. We now talk on the phone for hours, skype the entire night and he's become so much better about expressing how he feels. You say that you both have issues about getting close to someone, and it sounds to me like maybe he just needs a bit of time in order to know that this is it and that you're not going anywhere. It's all about being 100 % comfortable around each other and trusting each other. I'm sure it'll work out for you guys Where do you and your SO live? LDR's are definitely hard, but like someone else said too, soooo worth it

[lucybelle]

One thing I have learned through the years.. If you want something, ask for it. Partners are NOT psychic.

Keep that in mind! Glad you two worked things out

[AshleyMack]

It feels so good to read everyones responses. to know yall know what im going through is comforting! He lives in Southern,MS and i live in Northern,MS its about 250-260 miles between us.