so lately Alex has been getting more and more distant. Over this past week, alone, we've spent maybe 30 minutes a night together. Last night we were talking and he said, "anyway. am gunna watch monty python then sleep ok?" I told him okay but he could tell by my typing that I wasn't entirely happy with that decision and he pressed and prodded until I told him how I felt, that we've barely spent time together and I know it's not like he has complete control since he has had to get up early to go on some installs the last couple days, but we've still not spent much time together and he was just going to watch a show for 30 or 40 minutes before bed instead of talking to me. I know that wasn't his thought. He wasn't intentionally going, "I don't want to talk to her so I'm going to watch Monty Python instead," but it still hurt a little.
That triggered him telling me the following (with a couple things omitted for my privacy and his):
"now forgive me for poor wording as it is basically stream of thought
from the start i have been worried of something. early on i said i love you and tho you had someone at the time, i let you know it was romantic love as i understood it was. this has not changed. however i also let you know that i didnt want anything to do with a long distance relationship. that being said here we are ^^; one thing hasnt changed throughout. i really dont like being in a long distance relationship, and i had no intention of asking you to move out here. should you make it out here i would like to go on a few dates with you and see how we hit it off.
i havent said much on the matter for the very reason i wasnt sure if i should bring up this descussion. i am afraid you would take it as me not loving you ^^; because that hasnt changed, i love you very much and you are a dear person to me.
the fact remains that being in a long distance relationship is pretty much hell for me ^^; excuse the description but couldnt think of one dramatic enough to proove my point.
i will likely get more and more distant as time goes on reguardless of how things go. it may even get to the point where it feels more like friendship than a relationship. i will still hold you dear, but not sure how you would feel about me by that point ^^;"
Now this was last night at about 10:40. I planned on heading to bed around 11:30 because I had to get up at 8 to go to job training this morning. I was already tired, we'd had a bit of a discussion all ready, a bit earlier, about how he doesn't feel like we have anything to say to each other anymore and that's part of the reason he doesn't talk as much, so I was kind of emotional. When he wrote this I couldn't stop crying.
I apologized for putting him in the position to have to be in an LDR to which he (extremely promptly) told me it's not my fault, I shouldn't apologize to him, he knew what he was getting into, and all I try to do is make him happy and I shouldn't be sorry for that.
He asked me to explain back to him what I took his feelings to be and I told him what I gathered was that he loves me, he wants to be with me, but being in an LDR hurts him and will probably only make him more distant, but if I were living there he'd definitely have no problems with dating me. He said, "Close. Well, close enough." And I told him I'm trying to move up there I have a job and everything and his response was,
">> once again, not the issue ^^;
im not pressuring you nor telling you that you are being too slow or not doing enough ^^; because you are making amazing steps very quickly!
but hun. i really hope i am not the reason at all for chosing this area to move ^^;"
Then we talked a little more about that and he said some things that made me think he was going to break up with me but when I asked him if he was trying to get out of the relationship he responded with this:
"in truth i have no clue. for a ldr this one isnt as painful as it could be... but at the same time i would be lying if i said i can correctly show you how i feel or express myself to you properly this way.
to me there is no happily ever agfter out of this untill i actually go on a date with you and get to know you in person. is staying liek we are just stringing you along to something that may or may not turn out? what if i end up promising you something i cant deliver? ldr's are too dangerous for that and i deffinately dotn want to cause you pain for not meaning what i say."
So we didn't break up, but shortly after we got on video and he was saying that he's sure we'll end up going on a break or breaking up permanently at some point in the future and it's likely going to be because of him and a lot of the things he said hurt really badly but at the same time the happiest I've been in years is with him so I don't watn the relationship to end. I'm going to see him, if I can get the time off work, the first week of June. What should I do, though?
That triggered him telling me the following (with a couple things omitted for my privacy and his):
"now forgive me for poor wording as it is basically stream of thought
from the start i have been worried of something. early on i said i love you and tho you had someone at the time, i let you know it was romantic love as i understood it was. this has not changed. however i also let you know that i didnt want anything to do with a long distance relationship. that being said here we are ^^; one thing hasnt changed throughout. i really dont like being in a long distance relationship, and i had no intention of asking you to move out here. should you make it out here i would like to go on a few dates with you and see how we hit it off.
i havent said much on the matter for the very reason i wasnt sure if i should bring up this descussion. i am afraid you would take it as me not loving you ^^; because that hasnt changed, i love you very much and you are a dear person to me.
the fact remains that being in a long distance relationship is pretty much hell for me ^^; excuse the description but couldnt think of one dramatic enough to proove my point.
i will likely get more and more distant as time goes on reguardless of how things go. it may even get to the point where it feels more like friendship than a relationship. i will still hold you dear, but not sure how you would feel about me by that point ^^;"
Now this was last night at about 10:40. I planned on heading to bed around 11:30 because I had to get up at 8 to go to job training this morning. I was already tired, we'd had a bit of a discussion all ready, a bit earlier, about how he doesn't feel like we have anything to say to each other anymore and that's part of the reason he doesn't talk as much, so I was kind of emotional. When he wrote this I couldn't stop crying.
I apologized for putting him in the position to have to be in an LDR to which he (extremely promptly) told me it's not my fault, I shouldn't apologize to him, he knew what he was getting into, and all I try to do is make him happy and I shouldn't be sorry for that.
He asked me to explain back to him what I took his feelings to be and I told him what I gathered was that he loves me, he wants to be with me, but being in an LDR hurts him and will probably only make him more distant, but if I were living there he'd definitely have no problems with dating me. He said, "Close. Well, close enough." And I told him I'm trying to move up there I have a job and everything and his response was,
">> once again, not the issue ^^;
im not pressuring you nor telling you that you are being too slow or not doing enough ^^; because you are making amazing steps very quickly!
but hun. i really hope i am not the reason at all for chosing this area to move ^^;"
Then we talked a little more about that and he said some things that made me think he was going to break up with me but when I asked him if he was trying to get out of the relationship he responded with this:
"in truth i have no clue. for a ldr this one isnt as painful as it could be... but at the same time i would be lying if i said i can correctly show you how i feel or express myself to you properly this way.
to me there is no happily ever agfter out of this untill i actually go on a date with you and get to know you in person. is staying liek we are just stringing you along to something that may or may not turn out? what if i end up promising you something i cant deliver? ldr's are too dangerous for that and i deffinately dotn want to cause you pain for not meaning what i say."
So we didn't break up, but shortly after we got on video and he was saying that he's sure we'll end up going on a break or breaking up permanently at some point in the future and it's likely going to be because of him and a lot of the things he said hurt really badly but at the same time the happiest I've been in years is with him so I don't watn the relationship to end. I'm going to see him, if I can get the time off work, the first week of June. What should I do, though?
*hugs* I'm so sorry. Even though I also see his good intentions in giving you a "heads up" and being honest with you, he must have realized that his words are very hurtful. See, if there's anything you can change about your behavior that is leading you on the road to break-up, I think it's good if your partner tells you. My husband told me a few weeks ago that I need to calm down and not always freak out so fast because I am just making us unhappy over nothing. I appreciated him telling me those things, even though they hurt at first, because I could do something about it. We talked about it a lot when I visited and agreed to change both our ways: now he's more attentive and I'm trying to be less hot-tempered. In your case, however, you're already doing everything you can to come see him, so him telling you that he thinks he's falling out of love with you as time progresses seems kinda cruel. I don't know what *your* plans are and how you see your and his future, but maybe you came across to him as a little too determined and sure that everything will be perfect when you meet, when there's no way of telling at this point if you'll work out in person.
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