I'm...really not sure what to do...

[A Silence in Winter]

Awww, I'm sorry, Marian! )= But like Bluestars said, THERE'S STILL HOPE! I can understand his want to wait until you two meet, but I know it probably hurts a lot...

In the end, everything will work out for the better, no matter what happens. We'll all be here for you too. =] So try to keep your chin up and try to be optimistic! ^^

[lunamea]

Oh... that totally sucks. Sorry for being blunt, but it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, either, considering that you're going to see each other in a few months anyway. I mean, you've been a "couple" for so long, why change this now? Has he been acting like this for some time or is this a sudden thing? I mean, I can understand that he's scared of the meeting, now that it's becoming more real, now that it's actually going to happen, that he's maybe afraid of getting hurt or having doubts whether it's going to work out, but IMO it doesn't justify pulling away like this. I had hoped that you guys can keep the status quo until you meet...

[folclor]

I don't know. ^^; he is sending me MAJOR mixed signals. One of my friends asked about him tonight and I told her that I wasn't sure where we stood and then I talked to him about it and he said, "Oh, I don't mind if you tell people we're together." ... So I have no idea. I mean, I'm planning on meeting him May 29th (if I can get off from work) but...this man is the master of mixed signals. ^^;

[A Silence in Winter]

I don't know. ^^; he is sending me MAJOR mixed signals. One of my friends asked about him tonight and I told her that I wasn't sure where we stood and then I talked to him about it and he said, "Oh, I don't mind if you tell people we're together." ... So I have no idea. I mean, I'm planning on meeting him May 29th (if I can get off from work) but...this man is the master of mixed signals. ^^;

Apparently... Have you told him you want to be truthful? If he doesn't want you to think of him as his significant other, then perhaps you should tell him it makes you uncomfortable to tell people that you two are still an item when he just wants to be "more than friends, not quite lovers."

[aggie]

Awww. That's not something we expected... i really hope you'll get the time off work and that you both can meet in person. It is quite strange why he'd decide to stay 'friends, not quite lovers' now, that the meeting is round the corner. But it's not that surprising... men get a little scared when it comes to feelings. actually, not a little. A LOT. I'd understand the point of not becoming official until meeting in real life, but that's what you decide at the start, not that long into the relationship.
Mixed signals - he's not the only one, trust me - i think they could mean only one thing - he is scared of his own feelings and doesn't know what he wants.
But im sure, that when he sees you finally, after all this waiting and a great friendship that has developed between you two, he'll know then. He better!

Stay strong, try not to pressure him.... and don't think that he doesn't love you. He does. In his own manly way.
And it never looks the way it does in movies (oh boi, what a shame!)
We're here for you! *hugs*

[Mio]

Is it impossible for him to make plans to come and visit first?

[Alisz]

I'm sorry Ugh, as direct guys can be, it seems they never are when you want them to be. *sigh* I'm with you and I really don't know what you can do. I was in a similar position before, but I really hope it doesn't turn out that way for you. He ended up stringing me along... I would talk to him and explain how it makes you feel. Maybe that might give some insight to him on how -you- feel, because as it stands, it sounds like he's just thinking of himself... I mean, here you are working your butt off to get a job to get the money to go see him and he turns around and tells you you're "not quite friends, not lovers"? Sounds like a lame excuse to me. Sorry to be so blunt, but stuff like that pisses me off. ^^;;; You're working so hard and he's complaining. Ugh. I hope things work out, I really do. *hugs*

[lunamea]

I'd understand the point of not becoming official until meeting in real life, but that's what you decide at the start, not that long into the relationship.

I was thinking the same thing, that's why I'm worried about this. Also, the "more than friends, not quite lovers" line is just ugh.

I'm with you on mixed signals, too. Men do that a lot, I guess. It doesn't have to mean anything, but it's not a good sign, either.

[Tanja]

Let's hope he's only worried about meeting you and it all ends up going great so he'll realise he's caught something special! Even though he seems to think you're "not quite lovers" he still thinks you're "more than friends" so hopefully that's a good sign.

[Rach321]

I've been in the"not quite lovers, not quite friends" stage before... and it's awful! But it seemed to all come about when you got closer to having a job right? Seems like reality is setting in for him. I hope he gets out of that stage quickly and realizes how lucky he is to have you. Just keep focusing on your new job- even if it doesn't work out between the two of you, you should plan on taking a trip around that time anyway. It doesn't have to be to him- perhaps another part of Canada since you've always wanted to go there??? Try to stay positive, and don't worry yourself too much. He's not breaking up with you.. he's just backing off a bit. I never understand it when my SOs have done that with me, but sometimes they feel they need to space to work through things.

[folclor]

Is it impossible for him to make plans to come and visit first?

Well, not 'impossible' but it would be difficult since I don't know how I'd get him from the airport and he wouldn't be able to stay at my house so it'd be extremely expensive and I really don't want that...

I would talk to him and explain how it makes you feel. Maybe that might give some insight to him on how -you- feel, because as it stands, it sounds like he's just thinking of himself... I mean, here you are working your butt off to get a job to get the money to go see him and he turns around and tells you you're "not quite friends, not lovers"? Sounds like a lame excuse to me. Sorry to be so blunt, but stuff like that pisses me off. ^^;;; You're working so hard and he's complaining. Ugh. I hope things work out, I really do. *hugs*

I think he's felt that way all along, like he doesn't want it to be 'serious' until we meet, but he...kind of was trying to be fine for my sake at the beginning. At the same time, you're right that he shouldn't be acting this way now. He is being extremely selfish, he is an extremely selfish person and I knew that when we got into the relationship. He's probably really scared about meeting now since it's actually going to happen, but he insists he's not nervous or scared. He also insists that this doesn't change anything because we didn't 'break up' and we're not 'on a break' so nothing should change, but...I really don't know what he wants at this point. he's very confusing.

I've been in the"not quite lovers, not quite friends" stage before... and it's awful! But it seemed to all come about when you got closer to having a job right? Seems like reality is setting in for him. I hope he gets out of that stage quickly and realizes how lucky he is to have you. Just keep focusing on your new job- even if it doesn't work out between the two of you, you should plan on taking a trip around that time anyway. It doesn't have to be to him- perhaps another part of Canada since you've always wanted to go there??? Try to stay positive, and don't worry yourself too much. He's not breaking up with you.. he's just backing off a bit. I never understand it when my SOs have done that with me, but sometimes they feel they need to space to work through things.

If I decide to go to Canada, I'm probably staying with him regardless of whether we're friends or more than at that point. It's the part of Canada I've always wanted to see that he lives in, after all. At the same time, I don't want to 'punish' him for anything, so I don't want to take another trip then that isn't to see him just because he did this at this point, you know? I think he's mainly just scared that when we meet everything will feel much more real and he might not be able to deal with another serious LDR, even though he's told me he doesn't want anyone else, he won't look for anyone, he doesn't want to learn to trust anyone else... *sigh* I just don't know, exactly, what to do with that boy...