Feel like bashing my brains in!

[LostInLove]

So I posted anonymously in the "What do you want to say to your SO" thread, and then realized that it would probably be better to post here and, if nothing else, find out if anyone else goes through weeks like this.

I found out Monday that the Rideau canal has frozen over, which got me super excited for my trip in February because we're going skating on it during my visit and it just made everything more real. I'm very excited, it's something I've wanted to do since I was a kid and I can't think of anyone better to do it with. However, I also have to talk to him then and let him know that I can't move to where he is. A big city near where he is, yes. But regardless, he'll have to quit his job for me. So I'm worried as to how that conversation will go.

Since then, I've gone downhill...or uphill? I feel like something's wrong with me. I think about him all the time (normal and good), I can almost feel him kiss the back of my neck or hold my hand (slightly less normal but still good), I caught myself drawing a wedding ring on my finger....wait, WTF?!?!? Not normal, and not good! As much as I love my SO, it's WAY to early for us to get married. If he asked me, I would say no. So WHY do I feel like something's missing from my finger?

My emotions are all clashing against each other. Everything's going great with us and with my life, I'm incredibly happy but at the same time I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown. I'm spending WAY too much time on the computer and too little time on school and stuff because I can't focus on anything, I feel confused and out of place in my own life.

In summary, + + + =

Obviously can't really talk to The Boy about this, I think he'd get the wrong idea. Anyone else go crazy like this sometimes? It would be nice to know I'm not alone...

[tiffinnie]

I can relate to the kissing on the back of the neck, and the holding hands part... and then yesterday I went to the mall with a friend of mine and we started looking at rings and she busted out with "what do you want thila to give you?" and I pointed a few out... and then thought about it later and was like OMFG WHAT?! I REACTED?! I felt weird and like I shouldn't have reacted that way, but being a girl, we always let those things cross our minds... Day dreaming about being married to him isn't a bad thing! When you start calling yourself "Mrs.___" or signing your name with his last name... you might want to go get some help... But TRUST, you aren't alone. You didn't go down or up hill... you walked into a pretty sparkley shop on the side of the road, its ok.

[Stina83]

I can definitely relate to this. On the one hand being so happy with your SO, and thinking about him all the time, like you would in any other relationship. But an LDR has that other side to it too, at least for me, where you just drive yourself crazy sometimes, and at the same time as being happy and in love, you're hurting because he's far away and getting desperate for you guys to be together. Oh yeah, I can definitely relate to this.. so hard.

[LostInLove]

tiffinnie: I know what you mean, I have no problem with picking out rings I like when I walk by a jewelry store. However, this was me just sitting at my desk at work, drawing at ring on my finger with pencil. To me, that's almost as bad as signing my name with his last name. Which I'll admit to doing, but more out of sheer boredom and not with any seriousness.

stina: I'm glad to hear someone else gets like this sometimes. I'm not used to feeling this way.

[Mara]

Sounds a bit like me actually. I think it's pretty normal woman/long distance relationship behavior. My SO and I are really happy, but if I focus on either of my upcoming moves then I get anxious/crazy. It makes me happy to know that we'll be together, I think I just freak out a bit because the specifics aren't settled and that drives me crazy. I'm sure you and your SO will be able to work out the moving thing too. Has he held his job for a long time? At the least, maybe the two of you could move somewhere in between where he could commute?

By the way, I actually do practice signing my name with his last name. I want to get my future signature just right and I figure all the time it took me to get this one just right, it'll take me ages to get a new one right. Though I suppose it isn't as psycho crazy since we've been together a while. Or at least, that's what I like to tell myself. haha.

[tiffinnie]

i mean on forms, i write my name with his a lot too, just not on forms lol

[LostInLove]

He hasn't been with the company super long, but he got selected for a pretty important position in his branch and I know he felt really honoured when they gave it to him. The company also just spent a shitload of money on him training him for this position, so leaving so soon after they trained him would probably put him in their bad books and reduce the chance they'll give him a reference letter when he's job hunting. They also trained him SPECIFICALLY to work in the branch he's in, so I doubt they'd let him transfer to the branch near where I live. There's a few more things going into it that would make it difficult for him to quit. Not to mention the difficulty of finding a new job, and the potential of ending un somewhere he doesn't like. I just don't want him to regret this. I think I would feel more confident if we'd known each other for longer. Part of me worries that at this point keeping his job will win out, but another part of me wonders if he'll choose me and then regret it a few years down the road. I just want him to be happy.

Technically I suppose we could move halfway between, but he's three hours from the nearest major city so we'd each have a minimum 1.5 hour commute each way. It's manageable, but I'm not sure it's something we'd be able to keep up in the long run.

The one option I have considered is that I could do my masters at a university near where he lives right now which would give us a bit more time before he would have to change jobs, but it's a lot more expensive there and that only works if I go into occupational therapy and not if I go into prosthetics.

WHY CAN'T IT BE EASY!!!!!!!