LFAD

[hanzorae]

On, September 1, 2010, I officially signed my contract to enlist into the US ARMY. At the time of signing (And long before deciding to make this decision) I did not foresee a relationship forming.

Shortly after, about a month or so. An invitation was extended from my step mother to visit my Father, and attend one of my step-sisters wedding. The visit was supposed to be 2 weeks. However, at the wedding I ended up meeting my other step-sisters best friend.

Shortly after, I called my recruiters and talked to my step mother and extended my stay for and extra two months. We grew close and attached to one another, spending most our time cuddling, watching movies together.

I've told her about my commitment to the US Army and she told me she understood. With the way my contract was set up, I was locked in. I could not back out. Serving would lead to a better future for me to be able to provide for her as well. Since she lived in British Columbia, I told her i would do my best to get stationed at Fort Lewis in Seattle. She says she is content with the idea of me visiting her, but has no intention of living in the US.

The past week it has been hard to connect with her, and i feel the distance may be the reason, is this normal?

[Rach321]

It could be her way of dealing with the uncertainty of your joining the military. I tend to want to cling to my SO for as long as possible, but he prefers to distance himself a bit before parting (he's in Afghanistan right now). We've been together a long time, so he is better about not pulling away so much because he knows it is very painful for me. It's possible that's the reason for her behavior.

Does she say that she wants to remain committed to you? It will be very hard while you're in basic training, and I hope that she shows you support through letters, etc. It will be harder since letters will need to be sent internationally. Will you have internet at all? Last time I knew someone joining the Army was years ago, and they were only able to send letters for the first several weeks. I think all you can do is try to explain to her how you're feeling and go from there.

Best wishes to you!

[hanzorae]

Maybe it is possible that i am not really distancing myself before I do leave for training, it pains me most that i have to leave, but i've told her it is temporary. I had the option to ship out from washington state but instead chose to go home two before my ship date.

As far as internet goes, I am not sure, since every training station has different rules. I will be at Fort Benning, GA. I chose infantry as my MOS. A few friends of mine who have gone for training at Benning say that after a few weeks they got cell phones back. That too will be difficult because calls with charge her long distance as well. So just playing by ear for those 14 weeks letters are the most cost effective way of going about it.

The last thing i want to do is overwhelm her, but if telling her how i feel is a must, then i guess i will have to.

[Rach321]

In my opinion, it's always better to be open with your partner. I tend to worry myself sick about things if I don't. And unfortunately, it might be possible that she isn't willing to promise to wait for you until you are finished with basic training. I really hope that's not the case. And it doesn't mean she won't remain committed to you, but it's possible she's hesitant because she doesn't really know what to expect. From my experience, it's very painful to feel like your SO will not be able to be in close contact for a long period of time like that. That on top of the feelings of sadness that come from parting could be leading her to want to protect her heart some.

Why do you think it will overwhelm her to talk about these things?

[hanzorae]

As you have suggested she may be protecting her heart some, and ever since i have gotten back home I think I have made myself too available. Its hard to be busy during this period since that only thing i am waiting for is the day I ship to basic training comes. I could also be approaching the topics wrongly, as they mostly end up in arguments.

I can only believe that "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". After I got home, she would keep asking why i had to go home 3 weeks early and not a couple of days before. I've told her over and over that i had to report to my recruiting station, and i did just that. I just did not expect all my paperwork and processing to be done so quickly since recruiters usually take their time after the contract is signed.

I believe it may overwhelm her, because I do have strong emotions. Which leads me to take things too seriously (and overthink things), also my compassion is very high which could be the reason she thinks i am 'sensitive'.

[Dauntedpoet]

It sounds to me as if she may be unsure of what you expect of her, OR she is unsure if she wants a relationship with you.

Does she know what you want? Have you been blunt and direct? If you haven't told her point blank, how you feel about her AND that you want her to wait for you? She may just be confused. My SO is a pessimist.. he always wanted to be with me and love me but he was so sure it couldn't work, or he worried he would fail at it.. it took a LONG time until he really believed I wasn't going anywhere. If she has had bad experiences or is a pessimist she is probably distancing herself to protect herself from what she sees as 'the inevitable' if that is the case..persistence and showing her she is worth it and you won't give up.. may be your only choice. GOOD LUCK