Pushed to the back of the list again

[sabby64]

So Brandon is back living at home (where we both live) while I had to go back to University, and since then our friends have been constantly inviting themselves over every day, his sisters and cousin keep using his room as a tv room and he's constantly busy with someone else. He doesn't have a real room of his own because his parents gave it to his cousin while he was in school, so he just stays in the tv room. Unfortunately this means that he can't tell anyone to leave, so there's nothing he can do about it.

He told me that we'd still have our drunk Halo nights which were every Friday since September, but last night he made plans to have a bunch of guys over playing Rock Band. He knows it ticks me off to hear about it because I am all alone with no friends at school and I've been dying to get home and play Rock Band with the guys (we share the same friends) and because tonight is supposed to be our night. Right now he is at the bar and he keeps getting annoyed for me asking about webcam and Halo, even though Friday's have been our night for months. I guess he just figures that he can talk to me whenever he wants, why do we need a special day to hang out. But this was the only thing that kept me going last semester, and I've been excited about it for days.

And every day when I ask if he wants to talk he either tells me someones coming over or says he has things to do and can't talk to me all the time.

I don't think I can do this if things are going to be like this for the next semester. What do you think I should do? Am I just whining about something that doesn't matter or do I have a reason to be upset?

[Yorkshire Girl]

Hey.

I think when you set your heart on something and get let down, no matter big or small, then it can feel like your being put to the back of the list as you say. When it happens CD it is hard, so it is extra hard when you get all excited and happy because you have planned some time to spend together and your in LD. Its so weird but when your away from your SO, the simple things others take for granted, make you happy. In your case its the Friday nights. So you look forward to them. Therefore when they get cancelled, or postponed, it feels like you have been let down.

Try not to dwell on it too much, and in a way compare yourself to me. Your in a much better position than me. I would long to be able to see my SO's face on webcam, but he has no access to internet, no landline, only a mobile which at the moment all the networks are down in his area. So we can't plan anything. I just get one text on a morning and one on a night. One phone call a week and thats it. It didnt used to be like this when he lived in his old house, I saw him on webcam most days. But you kinda learn to adjust.

I think you do have a reason to be upset, but not at him. You have had the same plans for so long, that when they change it upsets you. Thats natural. But on the other hand he is trying to fill up his time and make the time go faster until he sees you. He doesnt have a choice about who goes into the TV room. You will kinda just have to adjust to this situation. And then when you guys do have the TV room to yourselfs you will cherish the time more.

Ok I have rambled, but if you need to talk, Im here :-)

[Mara]

And every day when I ask if he wants to talk he either tells me someones coming over or says he has things to do and can't talk to me all the time.

When you say everyday is it literally everyday? About how often do the two of you talk?

Now, the problem you are writing about specifically I think you have a just reason to be upset, but I agree with the poster before me I don't think you should be upset at him and I don't think you really are. I just think the distance is getting to you which is understandable and it's hard putting all your hope in something and then, it doesn't work out. Especially when you are in a long distance relationship.

[samglam209]

I know exactly how you feel. It's the same thing for my SO and I as I moved away for college and he stayed in our home town. Last time we were supposed to Skype it got postponed like twice and THEN he slept through it.So that ticked me off but he felt really bad and we did eventually Skype. And then we were supposed to tonight and he kinda found out last minute about his friend's birthday party. This was something that was a problem BEFORE I moved,that his friends don't plan for crap. haha Guys are bad about stuff like that.
So this kind of turned into my own complaining haha but really I feel your pain and am always here to talk(really I'm pretty much always here.:P) But I'm sure he will start to miss you and feels bad about it. Just try not to get angry. May be un ethical toying with him but I know with my boyfriend it makes him feel worse if I'm just like I'm disappointed I was looking forward to it. Then if I just went off on him like "You're no good at planning! You need to make time for me!" Blah blah. Or I guess you can do that but I don't know how far you'd get. Hope it gets better but I'm here to talk if you're bored.

[Silviar]

It sounds to me like you still view that night as your date night, whereas he may have a much more casual view about it. Talk to him and ask, and ask that he keep planned 'dates' with you as they're important to you. On one hand, I can see his point, but on the other hand, that's no excuse to just shove off something that's considered a ritual activity you do.

[hxcbreakdance]

I think the only advice I could really give you is tell him that just because ya'll are not together doesn't mean that you still shouldn't stick to having plans, tell him it makes you feel unimportant. It's not really fair to you for him to cancel on your plans just because you're not together in person.

[Micah]

He's in a different environment than before, so perhaps you and him will have to come up with new arrangements to accommodate the new environment. For instance, maybe you can switch the date night to another night of the week instead of Friday. Maybe once the luster of him being back home wears off and he gets more into a routine, he will be more available to you. I am sorry you are feeling down.

[sabby64]

I talked to him about it and he never saw it as being different then any other night of the week, and doesn't see the point of having a date night since we text so much. He doesn't think that talking to me should be any more a priority then anything else, and he also told me he feels smothered, even though we've barely talked for the past week. I don't know, I'm just gonna give him space and find something else to do... Maybe he's just in a bad mood or something.

[samglam209]

yep sound just like my boyfriend. I agree about the finding a different night weekends are definitely not good for my boyfriend cause he's always with his friends. Giving him space is a good idea. He'll come around it'll just take a bit of time and if he doesn't come around then he just sucks.

[sabby64]

The weekends are the ONLY time we can do this because he has to work all week really early. I don't understand. This was never a big deal before he graduated. I don't understand why now he thinks I'm taking up too much of his time when we're talking loads less then we were before Christmas, when he was still in school.

[samglam209]

Oh that sucks. That's why he's gotta get a routine with working and hanging with friends and making time for you. Hopefully he'll do so soon. I'm sorry you feel let down. Guy's just suck sometimes.

[lucybelle]

What I think is probably happening is that his friends are now telling him "Man you talk to your girl too much... come hang with us... she's got you whipped..." etc. And so he's starting to think it. Do you understand me? My SO's friends tell him that ALL the time. He's told his friend he can't go out because he was skyping with me and his friend made fun of him a little and said he was whipped. But my SO is 30, and he's over games like that. Since your SO is still younger (and in his mind, really he's probably like 8 years younger! hehe) he's having a hard time overcoming these comments.

I'd give him some space, but DEMAND that he make you important to him again. You are a big part of his life and he needs to show it. You don't need all his time, but you need to be able to tell he's devoted to you.

[sabby64]

So he talked to me last night and said that since he's working he has less free time and more people to hang out with and that's the reason we can't talk all the time. He also changed our night to Saturdays but says he still has to go to bed early because he has things to do. I guess that our old schedule from before just isn't going to cut it. He said he loves talking to me and does think I'm important but he needs to hang out with the rest of his friends to. And I do know they're bugging him about it because they did even while I was still there. They're a group of guys, and even though I can hang out with them no problem they still don't like having a girl- especially a girlfriend- around all the time. I guess this is the best I'm gonna get for now. Oh well. Trying to make some plans with some girls to go out next Friday though, hopefully it helps.