New to distance and having doubts

[nfclinz13]

Hey all, I'm new to this site and have never really posted on an online forum before but I don't know who else to turn to.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and half, and he recently moved about 200 miles away for work. Before he moved we were pretty much inseparable, hardly ever spending any days and nights apart. I always said I would never do a long-distance relationship, but I love him so much that I wouldn't be able to go on wondering "what if," so I'm giving it a shot.

We see each other frequently (normally over the weekends, 2 weeks at most...I know, I'm lucky) and talk daily, but I am just so unhappy and feel so alone the majority of the time. When we say goodbye when we do see each other, I feel like my heart is breaking every single time and cry for hours after. I often need to take sleeping pills or medicine so that I am able to sleep at night. He seems to be dealing with the distance like it's no big deal, which makes me feel like he just doesn't care.

I guess I'm just pseudo-venting at this point, but any tips or pointers to make this not hurt as much as it does would be much appreciated.

[Mara]

You and I are in very similar situations except I see my boyfriend a lot less!

I've really been struggling since we've been long distance with feeling alone now that we aren't able to spend all of our time together as before and my boyfriend is dealing with things just like your boyfriend is like it isn't a big deal. My boyfriend and I were actually just talking about this tonight and I think one of the major problems I am having with our being long distance is simply I have too much time on my hands. All the time I used to spend with my boyfriend, I now have to myself and it's pretty hard to feel that time, but I am about to start actively trying. I think once I pick up some things to do in my spare time it won't be as hard.

As for your SO acting like it's no big deal that could be numerous things a) he's just handling the long distance better than you are b) he doesn't want to show you how upset he is because he thinks that will only make things worse or c) he doesn't see the sense in making a big deal out of something the two of you can't fix right now. But I'm sure he cares! Men just don't react the same way we do or the way we want them to at times. It doesn't mean he cares about you any less.

[Silviar]

Well, considering how often you see one another, it may be much easier for him, or he may just not want to make you feel worse... it could be a bunch of things. But we're here to talk about tips for YOU.

1) Focus on yourself. Pamper yourself, celebrate being independent.
2) Work on some cognitive thinking. There's no need to be sad when seeing him's guarantee right around the corner - and how awesome is that! Instead of thinking "he's gone", think "I get to see him this weekend!" and focus on the things you're going to get to do together. If you can get your mind thinking that way, then you'll soon be remembering that it's nothing more than seeing each other less as if you're both busy people.
3) talk about figuring out how you want to close the distance - what's best and healthy for you?
4) Keep busy. Fill your life with positive activities so you have things to enjoy and talk about. Take a cooking class, volunteer, visit family, work out... there are things you've probably put off for awhile - now's your chance to do them! Plus it'll give you something to talk about!

[xopookie]

Long distance is hard, but are you in school or out of school?! Maybe you can join clubs and groups where you can explore your interests and hobbies! Also there's always meetup.com where you can meet people your age. Even though, long distance is challenging it's a great way to get to know yourself and what you like. Also a chance to explore your goals! but anyways we're all in this together!

[hxcbreakdance]

It's hard but if you're new to this it will take some time to adjust, it has been extremely hard for me since my SO moved in August but it has gotten a lot easier to cope with. I think you just need time and you'll soon find that you can adjust easier the more you get into a routine. Also, try keeping busy and doing stuff that makes you happy that always helps!

[becca53088]

When you get really sad, try to keep your focus on your love for your SO and always think ahead to the next time you will see one another. I promise, it does get easier with time. Hang in there

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Once you get into a routine, it becomes much easier. I get just like you do for about a week every time my boyfriend leaves to go back up to school. It's very tough on the heart, trust me. But, it's important to try and remain positive, despite how tough it may be. Your SO loves you, and that's why you're doing this. If he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't have agreed to go into an LDR. =] Try and stay busy and get out and do things, because it helps a ton. Hang in there, it gets easier.

[paulawriteslove]

Welcome to the forums! You're be able to work through this distance! Keep strong!

[delhommefan]

I was just going to post a very similar post! I'm not exactly new to distance but this is our 3rd go at it & I know it may be a much longer time when we can be together permanently than it was last time. The other posters are right...it does get easier. But anytime you two are together for a longer period (if u can do that) chances are u will be down for s little bit. I also feel super lonely right now b/c we got to actually live together for 6 months & then he had to accept a position 10 hours away. I also see him every other weekend (that's the plan) but its still tough! I agree that u need to try & stay busy. I am blessed to have a little girl which keeps me very busy but on nights she's with her dad I tend to get pretty lonely. I work out a lot & one thing I need to do is try & make some new friends & catch up with some old. Being a Mom, I tend to forget to tend to my friendships sometimes. I like the advice to thin positively as well. If I have a day where I am feeling all woe it just makes everything awkward....even though I know he understands. My bkflann also seems to deal with it like its no bug deal but I think that's just a mans way of coping. He's on a mission right now & very focused on that. But I know he misses me just as much when I get a random text at 4am or when we talk in the morning before work & he always says he wishes I was there. They may not dwell on it & lose sleep over it like us but they do miss us. PS..I can never sleep either for a few weeks after he goes but it always gets better! Hang in there!