First time in a LDR and I have no idea what to do

[sugar magnolia]

So, me and my bf met on the internet. We were talking on the msn for about 1 year and then we decided to meet each other. I didn't like him at first and I didn't want to get involved in a ldr but he really persisted on this thing, us being together, and he was very kind so I decided to give him a chance and see how things would work in such a relationship.

We are together since november. The problem is that he's a little, um, weird and I don't know how to handle this.

For example, I never find him online at the msn, and he won't appear online unless he sees me online, and only about half an hour or maybe a whole hour after I log in. And I know that he just appears offline, because we are both members in another forum and I can see him. I understand that he might be busy sometimes, but there are also times that I just want to talk to him and I can't find him there.

He also doesn't make feel very comfortable when it comes to talking to him, like, when I want to call him on the phone, or text him. It just feels like I should warn him first "Hey, I'm gonna call you". I texted him once and he was like "hey babe, is it everything ok? what's the matter?" Like there has to be a special matter for me to talk to him.

I just don't get it. I love him, now, I realized it when he recently left for his home but he doesn't make me feel very secure, like I'm someone he could trust, or I could trust. Idk.

And I am so insecure, because, I have always had a low self esteem, and when he told me that he liked me I was like "Seriously?"
I don't find myself really pretty so I keep wondering what he sees in me, and it makes me suffer, because I fear that he might get bored and leave me someday, find someone better. That's why I haven't had sex with him yet. Because I am afraid that I will do it, then we will break up and it will hurt so much.

I really don't know what to do. I have the best time of my life when we are together (which happens once a month), he's kind and sweet and makes me laugh, but when we are apart it's just so awful. He's just too "serious", likes to occupy himself with stuff like philosophy, logic, maths, and despite the fact that I like to talk about that stuff too, I feel like I can't approach him sometimes. And of course, I wouldn't dare suggesting him to do all these sweet activities with me, like watching a film together, at the same time, or sending each other love letters, or stargazing, etc.

Any advice? Sorry for this loooooong post.

[amandamayaaa]

you don't really seem into this guy as much as you should be, or just not comfortable around him
if your in a relationship, especially a long distance one you both have to be on the same page when it comes to the relationship
it's completly normal to feel amazing when you're together, and terrible when you're apart, but your reasoning for feeling terrible is the part that doesn't seem right

if you aren't comfortable around him then you both need to have a talk
if you're with someone you should feel 100% comortable about everything, whether it's talking, or just acting yourself
i don't know what i'd do if i felt weird at any time around my boyfriend

the advice i would give is to talk to him, be open and honest about how you feel, but it seems like you're uncomfortable with talking to him

i would also think long and hard if this is really what you want, if you have doubts.. don't keep dating him, or making yourself love him

if you do thats wonderful, but don't sell yourself short

[sugar magnolia]

you don't really seem into this guy as much as you should be, or just not comfortable around him
if your in a relationship, especially a long distance one you both have to be on the same page when it comes to the relationship
it's completly normal to feel amazing when you're together, and terrible when you're apart, but your reasoning for feeling terrible is the part that doesn't seem right

if you aren't comfortable around him then you both need to have a talk
if you're with someone you should feel 100% comortable about everything, whether it's talking, or just acting yourself
i don't know what i'd do if i felt weird at any time around my boyfriend

the advice i would give is to talk to him, be open and honest about how you feel, but it seems like you're uncomfortable with talking to him

i would also think long and hard if this is really what you want, if you have doubts.. don't keep dating him, or making yourself love him

if you do thats wonderful, but don't sell yourself short

I don't feel uncomfortable when he's around, this is when I am having a great time, he's understanding and we have long conversations about everything, it seems that he really loves me when we are together and I feel I can talk to him about anything, besides, he encourages me to do so.

The problem is when we are apart. It's like something changes in him, he's more "distant" than usual, and I'm not seeing any effort from his side, and this discourages me when it comes to talking to him about stuff. As I said, I am afraid of calling him, or texting him, in case I disturb him, and I want to find things to keep the sparkle while we are apart, but I think that these romantic stuff like the simultaneous movie watching, or love letters, or any other suggested activity for ldr couples won't work with us, because he is interested in other stuff.

I think I should talk to him, but maybe I should do it face to face and not on the msn, huh?

I am also afraid that he will leave me, I just want to make sure that he loves me, because I love him so much.

[Caity]

Try suggesting the romantic stuff to him. You never know, he might actually go for it =). If not, ask him what he'd be interested in doing. Tell him how he's making you feel whilst yous are apart and tell him what you want that'd make you feel better.

[beaton]

It sounds like he might be struggling with insecurities of his own. Maybe he avoids you for an hour so he doesn't come off as clingy and scare you away by appearing online when you do? I'm not saying this is a good idea on his part, but it does sound like he just isn't sure how to keep going what you guys have when you're physically together and is feeling shy about it. Definitely let him know how you're feeling, and see if you can come up with ways to make it easier. Good luck.

[Silviar]

Even serious men can have a romantic bone in their body. Opposites attract for a reason, and I don't see why you shouldn't suggest doing some of those sweet activities - that's what couples do, after all. The worst he can do is say no.

The discomfort thing is puzzling, and I think there's something there that we're not hearing. I suggest two things. 1) Talk to him about what makes you feel like he's not easily approachable and how he feels about you just calling him. Maybe once you hear it's just fine from him then you'll feel better about it. 2) I suspect, reading between the lines, that there are some needs of yours that aren't being met. Think about what you'd really like from him, and think of 2-3 specific, achievable things he could do to help flower the relationship.

I hope this helps. Welcome to LFAD.

[Karringtyn]

Welcome to LFAD.

My suggestion is that you talk about this. You have issues that need to be addressed. Many of us have self esteem issues, in a LDR you really have to get a grasp on them, or they will eat you alive. Trust me.