When and how to tell parents I have a boyfriend?...

[FadedSunrise]

By all accounts, my parents trust me and think I'm a responsible young adult. I have kept up high grades, while doing internships or part time jobs, and I also make time to interact with them on a regular basis. When its great(which is usually), we're very much friends. They also tell me that they won't, in the end, judge my boyfriend, should I get one(which I obviously did), as long as he makes me happy and we are compatible.

I know I'm going to have to tell them sooner than later, because some of the things I'm hoping to do(like use frequent flyer miles to visit twice a year, instead of once, and well...visiting at all-spending 3 weeks alone in Beijing and such) will definitely require their full approval. Lest they find out without me telling, freak, and everything goes way way south.

However, I'm just so afraid that they're going to disapprove. What if its one thing when they say it in general, but another thing when they find out that this is actually truth?

And also, when would be a good time to bring up this subject? As soon as possible, or wait a little more, and let the relationship gain more ground?

[LadyMarchHare]

There is no perfect timing for stuff like this. If you're really worried they'll disapprove, then maybe go with the hypothetical approach. You can be direct and tell them you've met someone, you've been dating x time and was waiting to see how the relationship would pan out before you made it a big deal, tell them all they want to know about your SO and be honest, then tell them it's long distance. You might get the "they could be an axe murderer" speech but I think if they've said they'd be supportive, remind them of that, and they might try. There's no guarantees, but it's better than hiding him all your life until the wedding, should there be one, you know?

[lucybelle]

I had to go through a similar thing. My mom "knew" about my SO. As in she knew he existed. She had no idea to what extent we were involved. Well little by little she started realizing what we are, and by the time he bought his plane ticket here to visit she acknowledged him as my boyfriend (even before I did!). He's now moving in with me in a month and my mom is totally siked and can't wait to hang out with him more. On the other hand... I still haven't told my dad a thing... But I will...

So I guess what I'm saying is if you want to sort of bring it up slowly, start talking to your parents about him like he's a friend. "Oh I have this great friend in Beijing who does this or that or whatever..." Bring him up in conversation more and more. Eventually they'll probably start asking you if you're more than just friends. Parents are pretty intuitive, even if it doesn't seem like it all the time.

[FadedSunrise]

Both parents know he exists, and that we're friends. Sometimes I'd let on that the person I was vidcalling was him, but I never let them know such details like...how every vid call to China so far HAS been with the SO and the SO only. They just don't know to what extent He was my fitness instructor, and when I initially started taking his class, I raved to the parents about how much I liked it, and how I'd always keep going because I admired the teacher a lot. I called him my "shifu", which is a respectful way in Chinese to refer to your martial arts master/teacher(nowadays used pretty loosely). Therefore they still think we're of the master-disciple relationship, and, uh, yea.

[LadyMarchHare]

Well if they're OK with what they know for certain (as mentioned, they might already have an inkling) then I think them knowing it's more than friends won't go over too badly if badly at all.

[Karringtyn]

Sounds to me like your groundwork is all set for you. Just tell them that you both have decided to take it to the next level and you are very happy.