To wait, or not to wait?

[LostInLove]

Sorry for the long post, but I need some advice on this. A little bit of background on the situation, I've decided that while I can consider moving to several cities near my SO, I can't actually move to where he is due to a total lack of job opportuniteis. So if we work out in the long run, he'll have to quit his job. I originally planned to talk to him about it when I go to visit him in February so we could discuss it face to face.

I was chatting with The Boy tonight, and it came up that yet again I had trouble getting to sleep last night. This has been a fairly common occurence over the last couple of weeks. He then told me that he's always there if I need to talk about anything, no matter what time of night. And there it is. Not only has he offered the perfect opening for me to bring up the decision that's been keeping me from sleeping, but also he unintentionally made me feel a bit guilty about waiting to tell him.

Each option has its positives and negatives. Waiting to tell him involves a lot of, well, waiting, which is going to be a weight on my shoulders. That said, I prefer to discuss serious things in person when possible and I would feel a lot more comfortable talking about it. Telling him now gets it over with a lot faster, but it means I have to talk about it over the phone which I find incredibly difficult because I can't see his reactions. Which makes me super nervous and awkward, and I usually end up saying the wrong thing. Or I could email him, but that would be pretty cowardly.

The other thing about telling him now is that I think he's got an appointment at the bank on monday to look into what kind of mortgage he can get for a house. Now, obviously he's not going to run out and buy one before I show up in February, but is this something he should know when going into his meeting?

So, do I tell him now? Or do I wait?

[tiffinnie]

I think you need to hint towards it and then catch his reaction about it and allow that to determine if you should or shouldn't wait to tell him face to face. if he is going to be as serious as to get a loan for a house, then you might want to tell him sooner rather than later.

[Caitlin2009]

if you are considering getting a house make sure you plan years ahead for it financially, because theres alot of people who dont do that and with this economy people are losing there houses so plan ahead especially with this! And i dunno....i personly would wait on moving you've only been together for 5 months at least wait a full year of visits and stuff before you do anything

[LostInLove]

Caitlin, my post came out a bit confusing, sorry! I'm not buying a house, he's planning to sometime in the near future because he sees it as an investment whereas renting is just throwing money down the drain. So all that's his issue. Also, my goal for closing the distance is 3 years from now, given that we're still together, so no moving in with each other any time soon. The whole thing about me not moving to where he is came up because I'm planning for my masters work now and stuff like that, and at the moment its hard to plan for the future without considering the possibility of me moving to be with him. And the town he lives in isn't really the type of environment that's conducive to finding a job in my intended line of work.

The reason I need to discuss it with him is that we entered this relationship with the understanding that we weren't really going to worry about who was moving where until our relationship had some time to grow. However he now should probably consider that staying with me in the long term will mean leaving his job and moving from where he's currently living. In my mind it's something he needs to be aware of, and could end up being a deal-breaker for him. I wasn't sure if this was something he needed to know before going in for a meeting about mortgages and buying houses, but where it should be just about financial stuff I can't imagine our situation would come into play all that much. That's where the house stuff comes in. Other than that, I'm just not sure if I should talk to him now or later, and was hoping my fellow LFADers could help me figure it out.

Hope that cleared it up!