i am close to break it off

[Miramaid]

I just returned from visiting my SO. I stayed with him 5 weeks. Today we argued...again. I cried. I cry a lot because of our arguments. We argue a lot. HE doesnt trust me. I do not feel secure in this relationship.
There is a lot of things to explain but this visit of mine was bitter sweet. We had great moments but together with those moments we had fights. The biggest one was on Christmas day. It was the worst Christmas ever. Other days were just incredible...
I love him dearly. Everything you can possible dream of having with your SO i have been dreaming of with him: home, children, family, future... Now I am questioning myself if i dreamed about it coz that is something I really want or coz there was a base to dream about it? I love him and i want to be with him but I cry a lot because of him

. I do not know what to do becasue one part of me adores him, adores him when he is that awesome guy i fell for in a first place, anotehr part of me screams taht there are way too many red flags and I need to get out. One side of me feels like he loves me too but just doesnt know how to express it at times, another part of me says - he wants to get rid of you but doesnt want to do it openly.

I do not know if any of you can say anything. I am just here alone, i have no friends where i live and i need someone to talk to, and i miss HIM sooooooo much!

[TknandLvnIt]

What kind of red flags? Every relationship has problems and bad times the problems become if the bad times out weigh the good ones.

[LadyMarchHare]

It sounds like you do a lot of crying and fighting. And if your guy doesn't trust you, then there's not much you can do to make him believe you aren't a tramp or whatever he may be thinking. If he's starting these fights and accusing you of things or telling you hurtful things, yes he's being emotionally abusive. It really sounds like the bad's outweighing the good here and honestly you deserve someone who makes you smile, not cry. My personal opinion is to leave him, but I don't know the whole story or if there's anything either of you can do to clear things up enough that everything's alright again.

[Silviar]

If there are things that are flags to you, it doesn't matter how awesome his good face is - it only matters what his bad face shows. Please, if he has red flags, talk to someone whose opinion you trust absolutely and decide if he's really the right person for you.

No matter how bad things get in your LDR, and even though some crying/fighting happens, being together should make you happy - not leave you torn up. The right person who meshes with you isn't going to leave you torn in half.

[Karringtyn]

It depends what the red flags are and what you mean by emotional abuse...if you want to share more, we will all help you through this!

[Moon]

Not all love is good love, you should pay attention to what your instincts are telling you, and if he really is abusive then there's nothing you can do, except leave. Everybody fights, but if you're fighting more than you're happy, that's really a problem.

[Riyko]

It sounds like your unhappy and need to reassess your relationship with him, weigh the good times with the bad times and see what outweighs the other one. It just kind of sounds like he's two different people a really sweet guy (the one you feel in love with) and the evil guy (the one who when you fight wants to make you cry and doesn't care). You need to decide on if you want to stay in the relationship for the "sweet" guy, if you want to leave because of the "evil" guy or if your willing to accept him for who he is and be ok with both sides of him.

I was in a situation like this and the guy went from being really sweet to really evil and i stayed with him, well after a while he became emotionally abusive when we'd fight and then he became verbally and physically abusive (so what you're saying to me is throwing out some red flags).

[Miramaid]

well there is really a lot to say and to explain...We brok up yesterday and today he said taht it was a mistake and he wanted to be with me and he loves me...
Red flags is that he is still friends with his exes and those girls he did not have relationships with but sex
That one of his exes calls him from another country
that for some time he had a profile on a dating web site
that i found anotehr one later even though that one seemed old and who knows ...
that he has pics of his exes on his FB, myspace etc...
his myspace has been saying "single" (he rarely uses myspace but Fabecook and on Facebook it was saying that we are together)
that he lied to me about one of his female friends aht they never had any relationship and i found out later that before he met me they actually were friends with benefits and she still sends him texts etc.

Those are red flags. BUT! He really does not have many friends and i suspect taht big part of it is his need to talk to whomever will talk to him. ANd if that is the case i understand but still do not think it is smart or healthy for a relationship to keep exes so close and be so close with them and talk to them and let them call you from a different country. Yes i understand how much he suffers without having a group of friends but having exes as a substitute for that is not good for a relationship. I think.
Well we argue a lot. I love him to death and i want a family and children with him but i am so tired :'( He says he loves me too and he wants things to be good but somehow we just argue all the time.

[mllebamako]

Like Moon said, not all love is good love.
Those are some pretty big red flags, in my opinion. And the fact that you argue all the time is just not healthy and sounds tiresome and painful.

[Miramaid]

it is...and it is even more complicated because i know he loves me and i love him to but he has many issues he needs to work on and he knows that but getting counseling is not easy moneywise and timewise (he works and goes to school) plus he has a machismo thing or whatever that he is ashamed of getting help like that...So i do not know what to do. I wnat to help and be there for him, but he needs to want it and to do it

[Čternity]

Well I'm a simple person. If your relationship after awhile makes you unhappy more than it does happy it's probably going to stay that way or get worse. If you both want this to work out it will take committment and a lot of work on BOTH sides. Many women expect they can change a man or that the guy will change just because they marry them. It's unlikely.

What will you do when you have children to this guy and his is still going on with all his exes and other red flags - too late then.

[nic&matt]

My advice is pretty basic but has helped me out a lot.
1.) Don't make any decisions in this state. When there does seem like a lot of negative, it's just basic instinct to go off of the latest things you've been thinking about. When you're upset and crying (which I'm really sorry about, I hope you feel better), not is not the time to break up with him. Wait until everything is smoothed out: not to sad but also not to happy. Then you can clearly look at your options and weigh them out.
2.) Arguing is never good, especially if you feel this strongly about it. Communication is key. It's hard for guys to get out what they feel and hard for girls to hold in. Don't overwhelm him during the fights but maybe wait until you are both a little more calm to discuss. He might be arguing also though, on a positive note, because he's afraid of you leaving...work out what you can and trust only people's advice that truely matter to you.

I hope for the best. Please be cautious and open-minded. Arguments are the worst. People on the this website are here to support you. <3