Opinion: To plan or not to plan?

[nic&matt]

When in a Long Distance Relationship, in your opinion or expierence, is it best to plan ahead or keep the future a surprise?
Obviously you want to know certain things so you see a light at the end of the tunnel. But, would it be ok to start saying what you expect to happen, like living together/marriage, or is that setting up for disappointment?
Thanks!

[LadyMarchHare]

I think there's a point between where letting things go as they will is acceptable and you have to start setting general timeframes for things. When you're first starting out, you're not thinking of marriage or living together forever or who's gonna move and get what job to pay rent. You're just worried about when your next web chat will be. But once things become serious and long-term (let's say after 7-8 months) then you're wondering about the future together, where you're gonna live, you want to save up to plan visits, to plan moving, etc. It's more than just seeing them, it becomes about planning for the day you can go to bed next to them and know tomorrow's never gonna be the day you're getting on a plane to leave.

[garnet]

It's best to be on the same page about those things, so I would say discuss away. You obviously don't have to make concrete plans, but making sure your ideas and timelines add up is pretty important.

[lucybelle]

Actually I have to plan ahead. If I don't have a date of when I'm going to see my SO again, I sort of go crazy. It's like limbo for me. First it was just planning visits, then we went into planning a move-in date. Now that that's done... well we have to wait a while for a marriage planning. I am sooooooooo not ready for all that. And who knows if we'll even last that long!

I guess I like a little planning with lots of flexibility.

[blankita719]

We have the bare bones of a plan, but we're both parents and have to take our kids into consideration, so it's always suject to change. I agree, if you've been together for awhile, it's a good idea to have at least had the discussion of what the two of you expect will happen and when.

[Zephii]

I'm a big planner. There should be nothing you can't discuss with your SO and your future is pretty damn important. The one exception to that is marriage. Obi and I didn't talk about marriage at all before we got engaged, and that really added to the experience for me. But it's important to know your life plans match up.

[sabby64]

We have a general idea of when we're closing the distance, but that's about it. Who wants to know everything? I say keep it a surprise!! Too much planning makes life boring. I don't even usually plan stuff out more then a few days ahead, so everything is spontaneous and fun.

[Moon]

I think it depends on the people involved, some people are planners and some aren't. It's probably a good idea if after some time goes by to at least start loosely planning some things, like ending the distance, but the rest just depends on you as an individual. I'm not a huge planner, so knowing that if things continue going well, we'll end the distance in a few years, and for now that's good enough for me. For other people, that's a horrible idea, as they like their lives more structured.

[snow_girl]

I plan. We are in the process of figuring out who is coming to whom and I have been weighing out all the pros and cons of which options will be better in one/two years when the visas we apply for run out. I don't like planning so far ahead but i know that if we want to be together we need to think of the future now so that we can be prepared and figure out what our best options are.

[Kika]

I don't need a plan, but I need to know when is my next visit.
I don't need to know how are we going to close the distance, but I need to know when at least.
and I don't need to know if he wants to live with me/marry me afterwards, I just need to know that he is willing to close the distance.

Fos us it's anyway too far away now.

[Caitlin2009]

defiantly plan ahead. i mean of course plans change over the months that follow but still plan ahead, at some point in the relationship the main idea of an LDR is to close the distance as soon as possible after you meet each other first though and then decide from there. I know me and Denise were planning on her moving to the states within a few months of our relationship really starting, course things change and now its me moving over there at some point next year. Defiantly plan ahead because you never know whats gonna change thats gonna have your plans change as well, it defiantly helps that your partner is on the same wavelength as you

[Silviar]

It's normal and expected in any relationship to talk about what you're looking for, whether it be a 'for now' relationship or a long-term relationship that you hope leads towards marriage. It's also important if you want a long-term relationship like marriage to talk about the other big things - morality, religion/spirituality, children, money, and so on.

I'd say it's pretty important to plan and discuss many things - including planning out your visits. It doesn't mean everything has to be written in stone. My boyfriend and I are closing the distance this year. When? We're planning at the end of April. Considering that we're international, that's terribly non-specific, but there you go.

[Stina83]

I definitely need a plan too. I need to be able to see that 'light at the end of the tunnel'. Especially bc I'm in an international relationship, which makes closing the distance so much harder. So I suppose I just need to see that this will actually happen some day. However, you don't need to plan everything! There should be a little room for surprises still
I'm actually having these same thoughts as you, bc it's so hard to find the thin line between having enough of a plan to not go nuts, and to plan too much, if you know what I mean. I'm the same as Lucybelle too, I need to know the date for instance, for when I'm going to see my SO again, or I go crazy! But we're all different, so do it the way that works for you

[Karringtyn]

Always been a planner and need to have an idea.

[Caitlin2009]

I definitely need a plan too. I need to be able to see that 'light at the end of the tunnel'. Especially bc I'm in an international relationship, which makes closing the distance so much harder. So I suppose I just need to see that this will actually happen some day. However, you don't need to plan everything! There should be a little room for surprises still
I'm actually having these same thoughts as you, bc it's so hard to find the thin line between having enough of a plan to not go nuts, and to plan too much, if you know what I mean. I'm the same as Lucybelle too, I need to know the date for instance, for when I'm going to see my SO again, or I go crazy! But we're all different, so do it the way that works for you

defiantly, it makes me feel in control of at least something and that sometimes is the only way to keep my sanity! O_o