Frustrated and Fed up >:-( mega rant.

[Beastofknowledge]

Ok, so you guys may know in my previous posts that my mother does not like my SO. And Its really ticking me off. I go to University this October, and have 3 and half months to work, and theoretically, me and him could meet up some point in August/September. Now, that besides the point. Thats a long way away. Point is, she says : "No, you ought not see him. You have to work, thats your priority.You ought to work 24/7"

Its as if I'm supposed to be a workaholic for 3 and half months, not see family, not see friends or boyfriend, and completely ignore the rest of the world > grrr...

YES MOTHER I am well jolly well aware of that! Surely take a couple weeks out of 3 and a half months won't be a huge dent??

Sorry for the rant.

Point is, I'm fed up with her negativity about my relationship. No matter what he does, no matter what I do - she hates it, she hates us. *sighs*

Of course, with me being 18, I can do as I wish. And yes I would like to work. As would my beloved boyfriend.

Are LDR's really that unattractive to parents???

I love him very much, he means alot to me, and he makes me happy. What part of that does not go down well at all with my mother?

[Silviar]

I've two thoughts about this sort of thing. Some people just have problems seeing their children grow up - and probably that means any choice you make will be hard and she'll balk because it's out of love. They may think you're not ready to make such big decisions or may just be worried about you, but it's not out of anything bad.

Others, though, want to control and have an unhealthy idea about relationships and boundaries. And it starts with how they interact with their own family. Those type of people usually think they've a right to control what their children do since they popped a baby out.

More often than not, it's the first one. your mom may also have personal issues in regards to money coloring her view. I suggest ignoring her opinion and making yourself a wee budget in order to see how your money will play out for your needs for fun and school over the summer. Then if she really tries to squidge at you, you can say you've already budgeted and you're fine.

[LadyMarchHare]

For some parents it's a generational thing, for others it's personal experience, and for others it's a minor co-dependency issue where they're clinging to their kid to not grow up completely in some way and don't want to "lose" their baby. My mom doesn't like my SO because she's from a different time and plus her failed married was LD at first and she thinks he'll turn out like my dad did.

You're right in saying you're an adult and reserve the right to make your own decisions about your life, especially if you're going to be away from home. Mommy dearest doesn't get to dictate whether or not you work every hour you're not in school. You just have to keep in mind the pluses and minuses of a visit then as opposed to working or doing something else, essentially just make sure it's a good time to visit or have him visit. But like I said, that's up to YOU, not her. I just wouldn't throw around the "I'm 18 back off" speech to her because it's kinda juvenile in an argument, get what I mean? I'm sorry you're mom's being a pain in the neck. I think she, deep down, has a good reason for all this and believes she's doing good in trying to 'warn' you against him and whatnot, it's just coming out wrong.

[Beastofknowledge]

I save money. I rarely spend it, and I have a saving account, So I have already saved a lot of money from last year
I am clever with money, I know where my priorities are, and only spend money if I absolutely have to.

[Beastofknowledge]

Ladymarchhare, good advice first off I wouldn't actually use the "I'm 18" phrase.
What annoys me is the fact no matter what he does, be it send me flowers of regular letters, treat me like a bloody goddess - it doesn't change her mind. Atall.
Same with me. Ive told her and I quote "Mum, he makes me happy. Very happy." Surely for a mother, to know her daughters happy is enough?

[LadyMarchHare]

Well good. You wouldn't believe the amount of people I've known who use the "I'm 18" argument or "I'm a grown as woman/man". Your mom already knows it, but she's not entirely respecting it like Silviar said. And some parents are just very stubborn about the dating issue regardless of how nice the person is to you and how well they treat you. I agree with Silviar again in that it sounds like she still wants control of your life and she doesn't have it so she lashes out in any form she can, which is childish but we all have our faults.