My boyfriend won't stand up to his mother.

[TatianaZehra]

My SO's mother despises me. She thinks i am a whore. She thinks this because she believes i am not Muslim, which I am. In our faith we much marry another person of same religion. His mother also stops him from coming to see me. She threatens to check the mileage on his car and to kick him out of the house. She yells at him daily because of me. He just sits there and takes it. I know it wouldn't be like this if she just knew the truth. What should I do?

[LadyMarchHare]

There's not much you can do. It's his battle to fight and you saying anything to him would just have two women on either side of him commanding him this way and that. He has to learn to either stand up to her or find a way out of her house because he doesn't need that sort of stress and neither do you. I'd suggest family counseling, but both parties have to be willing and she sounds like the type that believes nothing's wrong with the situation or her, it's everyone else that has the problem. But like I said, that's his battle and if he's an adult ultimately she can't stop him from doing what he wants even with the threat of kicking him out. There's a good chance that talk is just talk and no action as she sounds rather overbearing, but that's just a guess.

[Čternity]

I just commented on your blog about this.

[Silviar]

I guess I'm wondering why he hasn't told her that you're Muslim, if that's what her irrationality is over?

[LadyMarchHare]

I guess I'm wondering why he hasn't told her that you're Muslim, if that's what her irrationality is over?

There's a chance she doesn't believe she's Muslim because of a certain way the poster acts or dresses. That's what I get from the mother calling her a whore, anyway.

[garnet]

I would have to say this is your SO's battle. My ex husbands mother also despised me, she bribed him with a new car, with college tuition, with the rent of an apartment, all if he would end our marriage. She contacted my father, that she knew isn't in my life (I was impressed the drunk witch tracked him down), to see if he would help to plot to have me put into a mental institution and declared incompetent, then have our marriage annulled.
Ex dh never once stood up for me. (Oddly, he does now, when she gets mad he helps me pay off our bills we made while together.) There was nothing I could do, and I am going to bet there isn't much you can do either, until your SO steps up and gets this fixed, or puts you and your relationship first and tells her that is the end of the story.
I wish I had actual advice. I'm so sorry you're going through this!!

[Mara]

I think even if he tells her that you are Muslim she is still going to despise you. I don't think this has anything to do with anything except for the fact that she has taken a dislike to you and is determined that you and her son will not be together.

If you weren't so far along in the relationship I would honestly tell you to run for the hills. Your SO is in almost an impossible position. This is the woman that raised him and you are the woman that he loves. It doesn't really matter who is right or wrong; it's the fact that he doesn't want to disrespect her therefore she is allowed to disrespect you. I was in a relationship where the mother despised me for three years and in the end, it just wore on me and on us.

The only thing I can really suggest to you is to try and not let it bother you. I know it is hard when someone is saying such untrue things about your character, but that's really all you can do. I wouldn't encourage your SO to say something to his mother because in the end that has to be his choice if he does and if you try to make him take your side against hers he may feel like you are doing exactly what she is; trying to make him choose between the two of you.

[uniquefem]

I am so sorry that you had this experience. No one should judge about your faith. Its between you and Allah, like our prophet once said someone faith is like the depth of the sea no one could measure it from surface (with these days tech yes we can). But also there are stories about Umar, our prophet in war, he not allow to kill an enemy soldier that confess he was a moslem. Because we will never know someone faith, its very personal.
I am a moslem. I don't wear head cover... just because you didn't close your body more like other moslem, doesn't meant you're a whore.
Its the best to cover your heart first with shield rather than cover your heart but had heart like demons. She did fitnah (accusing something thats not proven yet/lie) to you and its more cruel than killing someone. Does she knows this if shes a good moslem??? is she really that good moslem??

Sorry i wrote this with lil bit anger because i really don't like people judge me from the way i look, what i wear, how i behave. Because they're human not God to decide whos wrong or whos right, whos goes to heaven whos goes to hell!!

Be strong, be brave... only time that could tell them who you really are

[mllebamako]

Just replied to your blog but I'll re-state here. Like others have said here, it's not your battle to fight. He'll have to stand up to his Mom and let her know this behavior is unacceptable.
I also agree with what uniquefem said. It breaks my heart when people use religious interpretations to judge/hate other people. No one knows what's in your heart except you and Allah. So don't let her get to you. There will always be someone out there, telling you that you're not good enough, or that you don't dress the right way, or pray the right way, etc.

And I personally disagree with those here who say that you shouldn't say something to your boyfriend. I would talk to him about it in a non-threatening way. If it were me, I would want to find out if he is ever going to stand up to her rather than wait around to find out that he won't and I'll always feel this way.