The dream visit and now plans to move in together...ANXIETY!

[Alexandria Lora]

Wow, a wonderful 10 days with my SO....the touching smelling..the kisses.. Then the tears...

We have decided to go forward with closing the distance and wow, the anxiety..I know he wants it to be solid when we do this, that is, we are strong when i am settled and are able to move in the right direction to rebuild our lives. But I am so tense and nervous. Thoughts race through my head, can i do this? So now the arguments have begun along with talks.. "It will be fine! or We have to think of options!"

My self esteem doesn't help either, i wait and expect him to say.."Never mind, I don't want to do this." And I know he wants us to have a life together, but I just didn't expect so much anxiety!!! Shouldn't i be on cloud 9??

[Miramaid]

What are you afraid of exactly?

[lucybelle]

Of course you should be nervous. Both of you are going to be changing your lives, and that's scary. It's putting yourself in a venerable spot. Things are going to change, but it's for the better! Moving in together is a huge step. If it bothers you that much, maybe you should first just try to move "close". As in move to the same town, but different apartments. That way you're no longer LDR, but have your own space as well.

[Silviar]

Anxiety happens with some people. It's directly linked to your self-esteem. I really encourage you to work on your self-esteem and feeling like a better and whole person by yourself. It's very hard to find comfort in the love in a relationship if you can't love yourself. Cognitive behavior therapy can help, as can a good therapist. Also doing things that build up your self-esteem like refusing to use negative talk, engaging in healthy, filling activities.

Then, as you work to close the distance - and I cannot stress this enough - take it easy on yourself. You're going to do lots of research, and when people start reading, they get freaked out and overwhelmed. Instead of killing yourself with info gathering, do a set amount of info gathering every day, and remind yourself you have as much time as you want. Start making budgets, to figure out the money you'll need. Lists of things you'll want to research and ideas you have. And then, take a break and give your brain time to process everything. GO EASY ON YOURSELF.

[jenlee]

Trust me I was in your shoes and I actually back out of moving and closing the distance. So I TOTALLY understand the anxiety to as screw up as it sounds I actually felt relieved when I told him that I couldn't do it, he was upset but I instantly felt better. I realized that I wasn't ready to do that quite yet. I wasn't ready to give up my apartment, my job, my friends....everything I had built by myself with no help from my family.(My family lives 5 hours away) As much as he reassured me I just couldn't do it. So we're waiting now. I was suppose to move to KY in April and now we're looking at September. So trust me I feel the anxiety but in the end you have to do whats best for you and if thats waiting a little longer then thats fine.

[Alexandria Lora]

Thank you all for the awesome replies. I think being a healthy person (physical and mentally) and taking time to evaluate all options are both awesome answers. I think that stopped my palpitations. But seriously, I have learned that change stirs up things in a person and not all good. I do need to be stronger within myself and doing this move will take a lot of strength and confidence. But I am ready...(well working on it) !!!

To move to him is exciting and wonderful, but to change my life and my path in it is FANTASTIC!!! Now, if i could just have that tattooed on my hand or something so I don't forget that hehehe.....Thank you all and best of luck on your LDR's.....

Alexandria