Do breaks help?

[sabby64]

The title pretty much says it all...

Me and Brandon have been fighting alot lately and while we always apologize and move on they keep getting more frequent and worse... This has happened before in my other relationships and things didn't end up well... I don't know what to do so I was wondering if just taking a break from eachother would help. Has anyone had any success taking a break to mend stupid little fights? Because talking it out is not working. It always just gets brought back up, and escalates into something worse.

I don't know what to do. I'm really sad right now, and I don't want to be sad anymore.

[bluepotato1236]

we did that before...not "break"..but we reduce our talking time and try not to worry about each other.. we do things, hang out with friends and etc..It helps us, coz it clear our mind..we can think better, we also have more things to share coz we been apart for 1week..we talk like once a week..for 1month and half or so...

Sending hugs to you..hope all will be better for you and your SO...*hug*

[nicole]

I think it depends on the terms of the break. To full-on not talk to each other for a prolonged period of time, in my experience does not work. But maybe like bluepotato said, limit yourself to once or twice a week? I think cutting all communication completely can be very damaging, whereas if you talk on a limited basis, you might give yourselves more to talk about and less to argue about?

[KiwiLove]

Hey..
I have been thinking about the things you wrote pretty much and..I dont really think a "break" is good.
We also go/went through the same with having little silly argues and I made the mistake when I told him it would be good not to message each other friday (last friday). It drove me crazy without any contact of him!!! I realised it was really no good what I have thought would make things better and the day after he told me he didnt feel good at all when I said we shouldnt contact each other.

I would say, you two could go with one or two day with no contact? And see how you can go with it? Im sure you both see very soon what is good for you and what isnt!


...Im a bit confused! Does anyone else realise how many people on here are going through difficulties in their LDR at the moment?? Or is it just me and it seem just like this? :-(

I hope it will all work out for those who are having some troubles at the moment.

[LadyMarchHare]

I agree with what nicole said. Full on no contact seems rather harmful because it's sort of like just ignoring the problem whereas just cutting back on the amount of time you talk you can still keep in touch and try to work on what may be causing the fights yet you're getting your space to breathe and chill out as well.

Kiwi: I've noticed the trend too. I think it's still a bit of a backlash from the holidays plus some are moping about V-Day coming up.

[lucybelle]

In my experience breaks have not helped. They made things worse. When I was going through this "fighting" ordeal with my ex, I actually called a TV show physiologist (crazy right? hehe) and asked her what to do. We had been together for almost a year, sort of LDR, and our problem was that we fought allllll the time on the phone but when we were together, we got along great. Her suggestion was to *stop having sex*. She said instead of just talking while we were together, we were doing physical things. She suggested to reconnect on a different level instead of on a physical level.

Unfortunately, we broke up before we had the chance to try it out... But maybe you could try this?

Kiwi&LMH: Definitely have noticed this as well. I think it's a winter thing. Personally, all of my break ups have been in February after a turbulent month of January...

[mllebamako]

I'll just go ahead and parrot everything that was already said, I don't think breaks are helpful. But I do think that sometimes it can be beneficial to cut back on talking. I seem to remember that you guys talk a lot (correct me if I'm wrong). So just try cutting communication down a bit.
But I would try to examine the reasons behind why you are fighting. Since they are little arguments, is there some deeper, underlying problem? If you can find out what the underlying cause is, then you could make changes where necessary to fix it.

[nic&matt]

I'll agree with mostly everyone else's statements above. Be very, very careful about breaks. I do not believe in them personally. I think it's avoiding the problem and gives you a period of time where you can't get those questions answered. When you start doing "breaks", it becomes into a regular occuring thing then when you guys get mad, you go on more and more of them. When that happens, people start to get angry.
Just work through the issue. I know you said it keeps being brought back up. When that happens with my bf and I, we try to find a final solution the second time around or sometimes he just needs a reminder that we've discussed it and found a compromise that both of us can live with.
I would also agree on just cutting back communication a tiny bit (less phone or skype) just so you both have some time to think and then can discuss what's happening later on that day or week.

The best of luck! This sounds really rough, and we're so sorry you have to go through it. Hopefully what comes out of it will be worth the pain right now. We're here to support you, keep us updated.

[Rugger]

I agree also with what people have said. Not talking to the person is like running away from your problems. They are still going to be there when you get back. You need to sit down and have a serious conversation about WHY you think you are fighting so much.

[Miramaid]

those conversations are SO NOT EASY and a lot of times end up in breaking up. Every time i tried to have a conversation with my SO we would end up fighting, I would cry, and he would say "I cant do that any more". Of course it all depends on a person, but men are not good at talking

[Moon]

I'm going to go against the grain here and say its OK to take a few days for yourself, I'd never use the term "break" though, because of all the negative connotations it carries. If you're feeling overwhelmed at the moment, a few days might be a good way to clear your head and figure out what's causing all the fighting.

When I say take a few days, I mean less than a week, and let him know you just want some time, a few days, to think about how you can stop fighting and give you a chance to miss each other a little. Again, don't say break And make it clear its only a few days of not talking, but nothing else has changed in the relationship.

[mllebamako]

Moon, I don't think you're going against the grain, or at least not MY grain I agree that a few days is fine and is probably healthy for head-clearing. When my SO and I had a huge fight (we were living together at the time), I left for 2 days and went to a friends house. And I think that time was beneficial for us. We both cleared our heads and did a lot of thinking. We also agreed to write each other letters at the end of the time. So yeah...a couple days can be good.
But like Moon said...I wouldn't go more than a week.

[BabyGund]

Well, Sabby, I know you've read some things on my blog, so you know The Boy and I are "on break" but yet we talk to each other every day.

I suppose it depends on what your definition of "break" is. We've remained in contact, although not to the same level of intensity. I think he felt that I was pulling away; hence his suggestion for the Vegas trip.

I'm still not very sure where this is going, as I'm still in the process. So far, so good though.

[hxcbreakdance]

For me personally I have had breaks before and the relationship eventually failed but like some others have said I think it depends on the people and also the terms of the break.

[sabby64]

Thanks for all the replies guys I think we are going to try and talk it out after we've both calmed down and feel better, and make sure there's no arguing instead of taking a full-on break. I really hope it works.