Just want to know - are my feelings normal?

[A_girl]

We've been together (LDR) for 3 months, with lots of ups and downs.
lately I'm feeling that it's just not enough for me.. we're talking everyday for about an hour, when we're both really tired (many times I wake up in order to talk with him when he comes back from work).
I just started to feel that he's all talking- no doing. i believe to him when he says that he's not with anyone else, but I want more than this "concluding of the day" conversation.. i want him to be involved, and i want to be involved in his life..
Have you been in this situation? What can I do? is it just me being insecure?

[Mio]

I think is normal to have a desire of more participation on our SO's lives. We love that person so much that we would like to share everything with them. But in CDRs and LDRs, well in any kind of relationship, sometimes depending on the circumstances is not possible to have much contact during the whole day, and then just at night is the time you get to spend with our SO. I mean, there are many things, like work, study, family situations, hobbies, time difference, etc that are part of daily life that we must all do, and because of this we get limited time.

If the end of the day is all I can spend with my SO, there is no doubt I will use that chance.

But if you feel that is not enough for you maybe you can try to incorporate some other type of contact during the day. Like a text message, an email, a short call to say hello. You should talk to your SO and come with something, because this is clearly disturbing you. And maybe you can try to "spice up" you concluding of the day conversations, in the main page there are a lot of ideas that you can do, like questions, games, watching things together, etc. But talk to your SO, don't hold it up, and never go accusing as it is painful.

And don't be insecure of him having an affair, that will only make it worse. Did he ever say something about it? You saw something? Or he did it before? etc. Don't speculate if you don't have proof. We would like to spend time with our SO and sometimes we envy the time they spend with other people in their surroundings, but while we are away that is how it will be.

Hope you guys can work it out!

[Tanja]

It can be hard to adapt to an LDR if this is your first one? It takes some time to get used to the fact that you can not spend as much time together as you want and you both have other things to do during your day. Many people in LDRs only get the chance to talk a little right before they get to sleep and there's not much anyone can do about it, that's just the way things are.

But like Mio said, you could email him, text him, try to arrange a phonecall on a regular bases? Use webcams if you have them - there's quite a few things you can do to help you deal with the distance.

3 months is not a very long time and it's harder for people to commit and get deeply involved with each other right away in an LDR cause the other person is so far away and other people (like friends, family) can make it very hard if they don't accept it or believe it could work. But give it some more time and talk to your SO, tell him how you feel the next time you talk to him. Communication is the main thing that holds an LDR together so don't bottle up your feelings, be completely open with him and I'm sure he's willing to make that extra effort to contact you a bit more.

As for suspecting there's someone else - you just have to trust him, suspicion doesn't get you anywhere, it'll just make things worse if he hasn't done anything to indicate that there could be someone besides you.

And what you're feeling is completely normal so don't worry about it.

[SnowDust]

Its so hard to not be able to feel that you are really involved in your significant others lives. Maybe trying to change things up? My boyfriend and I email each other all through the day at work, sometimes just silly little notes and sometimes its sending him my projects/proposals to get his opinion, and him sending me his team letters and promotions for me to edit/give my opinion on.

If thats not possible, have you tried having dates? We will often go to the same movie at the same time (or as close as we can get), or rent a movie and press play at the same time or even get our favorite take out together, and eat it at home on the phone. Some of it sounds silly, but its nice sometimes to both go grocery shopping at the same time or the gym or anything! Make sure you have a good phone plan and you can pretty much do anything together. I think it makes you feel more secure in your relationship, and somewhat eliminates the feeling of not being involved in each others lives.

Its normal to feel that way. Just a matter of finding some solutions to make it work for you.

[Yaaamiii]

Ugh I've been in that position and its not a pretty place to be in I cry so easily (I'm very emotional) so I used to cry about it all the time. To make me feel better about it, he started calling me on his way to places. On his way to breakfast/lunch/dinner, on his way to the library, or on his way to a friends dorm. It usually takes him 7-13 minutes to get wherever he needs to get to (xD yes I've noticed the end call time) and this is usually more than once a day. Perhaps twice or 3 times a day. And then at night, sometimes we talk for an hour or two. Sometimes he's exhausted but still tries to talk to me. I love him to death for it. But sometimes I shoo him away to go sleep cuz I know he's tired. It's nice Sometimes I'll randomly text him saying I love you, or to say hi. He calls me on his way to class in the morning and its our way of saying good morning. Try asking for some time...perhaps over the weekend. Maybe not everyday because you have to take his schedule into consideration. But every now and then, talking for a little more time is always nice and will make you feel more secure.

Sometimes I just miss his hand in mine, or his warm hugs or his kisses on my cheek that always made me smile. I'm one of those girls who love their boyfriends simple touch. I went from a CDR to a LDR so I can recall what it was like to have him only a 15 bus ride from me. (+the 15 minute walk down his street XD)

You should definitely talk to him about it though. Those things I mentioned didn't happen until I told him about it. You may be afraid to ask him or talk to him about it because maybe you're afraid he'll take it wrong or that you'll be asking for too much...but if you wanna feel better you should tell him

[A_girl]

I actually talked with him about it before, and it got better for a while but the text messages faded away in some point. I'm afaraid to bring it up again.. i don't want him to think that i'm too needy or disrespectful.
sometimes i feel like it's just convinient for him to be with me.. i don't require that much treatment as a girlfriend from there.. he doesn't have to always answer my calls or sms's because he has a good excuse (work)..
i love the dating idea - it'll be hard to arrange that.. but i'll defently try:]
i must say u made me feel bit more comfortable with the situation.. it is just soooo confusing, i feell like i'm living with my eyes shut.. (because of the fact that i don't know so many things about him and his daily life)

[Zephii]

Well, there are ways you can learn more and still keep it fun. Like, you could ask him to take one picture with his phone and text it to you every day for a week - just something that he sees in his every day routine. There's also an exercise in the LDR workbook that would be great for your situation... but I can't remember how it goes, but if you have a couple of pennies it might be worth looking into.
Texting a random fact about yourself and asking for one in return can be good too.
And ask questions! I remember at first Obi was hesitant to talk too much about his family and friends, wouldn't use names (we met online) or any of that... but after a while, he'd give me names and later photos, so I could learn who was who in the story of is life, and I could ask for the gossip like who his sister was dating or how his mate's job hunts were going and occasionally, his friends and I would pass messages which gave me another way to be more involved like a "real" girlfriend... but it all takes time. He might just be scared of going too fast too soon.

But, feel free to talk about it again. It isn't nagging if you have a need that isn't being met. I know Obi and I have had similar talks a few times, because he gets comfortable and forgets I require a sustained effort from him and occasionally I catch myself slacking off too, putting work first and just being too tired to do the cute little things he loves... so a reminder can be helpful.