Bad news : Completely lost and feeling so down

[Cucaratcha]

My SO has just started University.
The plan was that she does 2 years there and then to finish it in Switzerland.
But apparently, the rules have changed, and now she must do at least 4 years there, to get 1 year here... and of course with a strict selection...
In a few minutes, the time we had to wait to close the distance forever has doubled.. 2 years was enough, now it has to be at least 4

I'm completely down, I cried when she told me that... and the worse is that I didn't even feel she was sad. I don't know if we will be able to wait 4 years, I don't want to break up because I love her more than anything, and I'm sure if we do break up, it would be impossible for me to forget her... that's not why I want. When I was crying she asked me if I wanted to stop, I said no, then I asked her, she said no... but I don't know, now I'm feeling like the wind is moving against me, us...

[Silviar]

I'm sure she was sad - but for her, she's had time to process and cope with it before she told you. So don't assume she isn't upset - she's probably trying to stay strong for you. Waiting through college is hard, there's no doubt, but you can do it. You CAN do it. Make sure to plan time to see each other when you can and as often as you can. Keep doing all the things that make a relationship strong. It's hard, but it's worth it in the end.

I'm so sorry to hear this, but you never know - you may be surprised at what you find out later to be a break in closing the distance. *hugs*

[LadyMarchHare]

I think you're still feeling the shock of the news. If you guys can make it two years, you can make it four with enough determination. Hopefully you guys will have visits to help with the loneliness, but I believe you both can make it through the extra time apart and you never know what the future holds, things may change for the better some time down the road.

[ioanna]

Courage!
it is always overwhelming when your plans/timeline changes, but it is only natural for it to be that way
just as Silviar said, i think she's being strong for you and in my opinion that must show in a way that she believes that you two will be able to handle this...
try not to focus on this too much, you both are going through with your studies, and that is a very important base for your lives that shouldn't be overlooked..
i know it is easier said than done, and it may sound very cliché, but try and live just day by day, and try and enjoy every single one of them... you never know what life has in hold for you, and things might take a different turn

[loveknowsnodistance27]

You can do it! I totally know what you mean about not feeling sad, I get that vibe from my boyfriend whenever he goes back to college. I'm always a mess, and he seems so composed. Without a doubt, I can tell you she definitely is sad. She had time before she told you to cry and feel upset. Maybe she just didn't want to show her emotion in front of you for fears that it'd make it tougher for you to see her so upset. I think she put on a strong face for you. It'll be fine, as long as you guys are willing to put in the time and effort.

[Cucaratcha]

Thanks for your kind words full of hope, but I'm in a really negative mood. It's really frustrating. In my head it was 2 years, then fine, together. It wasn't that much. And now 4, it seems so far, though we'll see each other 3 times a year, for about 2 months if we put the visits together... I know some people don't even have the half of that... but I feel like the sky has fallen on my head.
I learnt by my life experience that life doesnt do things randomly, and everything as a consequence... but in this case, I really wonder what the f... it is about...

[Caitlin2009]

awww im sorry to hear that just remember things change, so you may not have to wait 4 years to be under one roof together, and if it is that long theres always a way around these things, maybe theres another way you can be together under one roof sooner, dont give up hope just find that way! *huggles*

[Cucaratcha]

I can't see a way it could be less than 4 years.
I'm finishing my studies in 3 and a half years, then I have to go to the army for 5 months...
She's finishing her studies in 5 (but 4) years...

Though we are over 18, we are still financially under the responsability of our parents... so it's kind of difficult to leave our studies.
If there was a way I could leave my school to do the university in Colombia in french or in english, I'd do it... but they just have in spanish, and my level isn't high enough...

The only way is waiting 4 years... and I'm scared it gets too much. Now it's fine, but who knows later ? Though there's no sense to worry now as I can't really control it, I'm scared.

[Caitlin2009]

awwww i know but like i said things change maybe this is one of the things that will change you never know, try to be positive *huggles*

[Miramaid]

guys get engaged next time you visit and plan your wedding in 4 years. That way you two are sure about where the relationship is going, have time to save up for the wedding and have time to plan it in details

[ioanna]

Hugs!
it's ok to be scared, nothing to be ashamed of, especially that being LD for a big chunk of time is quite something... i knew we were going to be LD at some point in our live ever since we started dating. we spent almost 5 years together before he went LD, and we will be LD for 5 years in total... you'd think i'd have prepared myself for it, or at least i thought i did, but thing is, you never can predict how things are. and i'm not talking about situations that change or anything, the first basic example is how i react with everyday things for instance...

just as you stated in your first post, "I don't know if we will be able to wait 4 years, I don't want to break up because I love her more than anything, and I'm sure if we do break up, it would be impossible for me to forget her..." you don't know if you can make it 4 years, but it's worth a try

another thing to think about, have you checked with your school if they have partnership programs with universities in Colombia? some programs allow you, as an exchange student, to study a part of your courses in another uni, while still enrolled with your primary one; something like an international ERASMUS... (don't know if it's still called like that anymore sometimes i fell archaic LOL)
also, how about going there on a language trip, by that i mean stay 6 months to a year and learn the language through formal courses, before your 4 years are up? some countries have that set up, and you can usually get directed there by going to your local cultural center, or embassy...

if i were in your shoes, i'd be feeling pretty down about it for a couple of days, then try and make the best of it; so the only thing i can really offer that might make a difference is a hug and a hot cup of cocoa

[Cucaratcha]

We are already engaged

There's no possibilty I can study there without knowing spanish well.
I've met my girlfriend in London, where we were both learning english... I'd like to do the same there with spanish, but I can't take a year off like this, my parents would be so upset and I don't want this neither... and the thing that sucks in Switzerland, if I stop now, I must do 5 months of army... and if I dont do that, if I try to come back, I might be jailed... So it's kind of creepy...

I guess the best thing to do is to take day by day, and see what happens...

[paulawriteslove]

I'm sorry to hear this, but that's life. Life can change itself in a second. Be positive and keep strong! You can do it!!!

[loveknowsnodistance27]

You hit the nail on the head! You just have to take it one day at a time. I know it's very tough, but it gets easier. I'm in a relatively similar boat, though I'm a bit closer to my boyfriend. He's 360 miles away. I see him every few months for a week or so. In the summer, we'll temporarily close the distance for 3 months, but then he'll go back to school. We're both in college and he's probably going to do post-graduate also at the school he's currently studying at. We'll end up being long distance for 6 or 7 years. Every day is one less day apart; well, that's how I see it at least.

[Karringtyn]

One. Day. At. A. Time. And don't ever walk away from a love you know is true.