Lessons I learned from LDR and Divorce

[xopookie]

Over the course of my winter break, I've been through a lot of trials and tribulations. Sometimes, I wonder how I became so strong and dealt with the issues. After 15 years, my parents have gotten a divorce. Even though, they're still working on it or trying to pick up the pieces the relationship is still not the same. Sometimes, you look at couples like these and you just aw in admiration. Like wow, this couple is going to grow old together and die together. I was hoping for the same thing, but that didn't happen. I felt my world was turned upside down because I grew up with them and it's hard as you get older. I'm currently getting ready to graduate from university this semester. But I felt the whole family was turned upside down and my life. I wasn't expecting it , but me and my mom has grown a lot more closer. But then I realized something, something that people has always told me and something I've read from books throughout my whole life. The biggest lesson I truly learn was that just because you're married or in a long committed relationship doesn't mean your life stops. Life keeps going and I learned just because you're committed doesn't mean you have to shut out the world and isolate yourself from your friends. You should always keep striving and dreaming for what you want in life. Because at the end of the day you have to look after number one yourself. Your life should never stop just because you're with someone. Because relationships are so turbulent and so unpredictable that you never know when you're going to need your friends when you're down and it's not exactly cute when you call them up all of a sudden when you canceled out your friends or they try to reach out to you when you haven't reciprocated. Also it's always good to have hobbies too. Besides I've also learned life is constant. Change is always going to happen and the most scariest thing in life is when the water is too calm if the water is too calm then that means something big is going to happen and you weren't prepared. Also water is calm right before a tsunami hits. Water always has ripples and waves just life life. So you must always update your skills and have goals to prepare for life just like a surfer. If you ride on those waves constantly you won't be suprised by life's many changes. Change happens little by little and if you prepare everyday then you won't be suprised by the big picture. But with doing LDR it's kept me independent and a constant staple in my friends life. It's enable me to follow my dreams without worries of a guy leaving me. Independent habits are already instilled in me and it's the greatest thing in the world for me. Even though, I have someone at the end of the day I look out for number one me because things might happen and it's never good to be too dependent and put all your eggs in one basket. I hope this post makes your day and change your view on life!

[beaton]

I completely relate to this, though on a less optimistic note, at least so far.
My mum moved us to america for my stepdad when I was 13. We found out he wasn't the knight in shining armour she had thought...and the marriage quickly went downhill. Eight years later, my stepdad has terminal cancer and just doesn't treat her like he loves her anymore. She wants to love him in the time they have left and he just, shut down, calls her a bitch all the time even though she's been bending over backwards running a house, working full time and pouring her savings into his medical bills. She made huge investment in him, gave up her degree and moved 10000s miles from our family to start a new life with him-- for what ended up being 8 years of deception with him, and now he's dying. You just never know whats going to happen in life. This ended up being a bit less optimistic, but well, you never know what'll happen. She's made friends, and moved up in her company, and will be able to sustain herself once he's gone. In the end, we've all learned some valuable lessons in not investing your whole life in one person. In the end, they are just one person, and people are never perfect. You can love them, you can share your life with them, but never make them your whole life.

[sabby64]

Yeah, learned the same lessons after going through a break up with my 2 and a half year boyfriend I was living with, and my parents violent divorce after 20 years at the same time... It's some good advice, for sure Always make sure you look after yourself.

[Karringtyn]

Clap. Clap. Clap.

Beautifully written and so very true. I seperated from my husband after 16 years and I learned so very much.

A person should not COMPLETE your life...but rather ADD to your life.

[AllieBaba]

"The most important relationship you have in your life is the relationship you have with yourself."
This is one of my favorite quotes.

What you said is very true, but sometimes it takes a while to realize it. I learned my lesson when my boyfriend and I broke up after being together for more than 2 years. Two months later we got back together but in those two months I changed a lot. I had time to think about my priorities in life and how to be independant. Since we got back together our relationship has been stronger than ever but I find myself thinking that if something ever goes wrong again, I won't die without him.
I love him so much and he's a big part in my life but he's not everything I've got. He knows exactly how I feel right now and he often tells me that I'm his "tough little girl" haha, I think it's cute and I'm glad he gets it.

[Silviar]

Absolutely, and a lovely post (although the lack of paragraph spaces wigged me poor old eyes, LOL). People need to remember that being in a relationship doesn't give you an excuse to stop engaging in your life - you are your own captain, and that's vital to a relationship. You can't be a healthy relationship if your piece is sickly.