Soulmates and happy marriages !!

[amit2k11]

hey folks,

Well I have been busy posting my woes out here and have realized a couple of things now.
I belong to the country of India where at least till my generation people do trust on arranged/traditional marriages. A kind of marriage where the parents take part actively in the search of the partner when the guy or the girl is ready in terms of career and an individual, to get settled in a married life.

I have seen most of my friends doing this now too.Also from the previous generation I do see the marriages have been very successful considering the ambition levels of the couples matched so well.

So, my question is there some thing called a Soul Mate or a true mate that most of the people keep searching and keep wanting for all their lives and in the process break so many hearts.If happiness is the ultimate goal for a marriage then I believe one can truly wait,become an individual and then realize a marriage. Since, at some level of any relationship their has to be compromise coming automatically out for the partner out of understanding and love.

Regards
Amit

[Caitlin2009]

yes. i found mine and i know in my heart i found mine! There are no words i can describe on how i feel about her, with soulmates you cant explain how you feel about each other to other people because its impossible because you love them so much there are no words to describe it! Soulmate relationship's happen when neither of you are paying attention or looking it comes unexpectedly when you least suspect it, i know for me i was in if you wanna call it another "relationship" at the time and i wasent looking, she got out of a relationship with a person she really loved but it didnt work out and she was still getting over that and not looking either and had a hard time with other relationships before so she was depressed as well. neither one of us were looking but when we first started talking to one another we both knew we loved each other and found our soulmates

most people get frusterated that they cant find there soulmate and they give up, the point is to that is that its supposed to come you when the time is right when your not expecting it but it only comes once in your lifetime and you gotta be paying attention when it does

[mllebamako]

I don't really believe in soulmates, not in the sense that there is only ONE person out there for you in the entire world. But I do believe that we each have multiple soul connections in this world, not just for love but for friendship too. I truly believe that my fiance was one of my soul connections.

I really do believe that something led me to him.

[lucybelle]

I don't know that I believe in "the one". What I believe in is "the right one for the right time". For instance, if I had met my SO 5 years earlier than we did, we would have NEVER made it. He was still a wild child, and I was just too immature. But since we met when we both had calmed down a bit, everything seems to be working out fine. He's the right one for me right now. In 5, 10, or 20 years, it might be someone else.

[snow_girl]

I think the reason so many heart get broken is that people hope for an idealistic marriage. Happiness being the ultimate goal. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy it take much for then just being happy for a marriage to work. Some people aren't willing to tough it out through the hard parts to get to the happy ones. I think that is why arranged marriages have such a high success rate. The parents know from experience what works in a marriage and what doesn't so they know what to look for in a future partner.

[amit2k11]

I think the reason so many heart get broken is that people hope for an idealistic marriage. Happiness being the ultimate goal. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy it take much for then just being happy for a marriage to work. Some people aren't willing to tough it out through the hard parts to get to the happy ones. I think that is why arranged marriages have such a high success rate. The parents know from experience what works in a marriage and what doesn't so they know what to look for in a future partner.

I will agree to this. I have seen in recent times in India too.People do fall in love very quickly and decide upon getting married and stuffs like that.In the whole process the understanding the other person. gauging the level of compatibility and moreover think of a future in common terms takes a back seat. Finally, when the reality bites after a marriage in say 5 or 10 years most of the marriages fail during these crucial years.

I have seen this trend catching upon in India now too and hence the rising number of divorce rates too. But since the trend of these marriages are still more of traditional perspective things are under control at least.

Thank you all for your responses.

Regards
Amit

[Moon]

I agree with mllebamako, I don't think there is just one soul mate out there for anybody, but there are those you just connect to on a deeper level.

Amit, have you been given the option of arranged marriage by your parents? I'm sorry if that's too personal, but I am curious.

[amit2k11]

I agree with mllebamako, I don't think there is just one soul mate out there for anybody, but there are those you just connect to on a deeper level.

Amit, have you been given the option of arranged marriage by your parents? I'm sorry if that's too personal, but I am curious.

Yes and I am happy that you asked.

[Moon]

Yes and I am happy that you asked.

So, what do you think about that? From a Western point of view, I find it interesting, especially as India gains more Western influence all the time.

[Silviar]

So, what do you think about that? From a Western point of view, I find it interesting, especially as India gains more Western influence all the time.

Agreed - am curious!

To the original question - there are some people who will connect with your soul and who will be flexible enough to spend the rest of your life with. Sometimes parents can see it more easily than kids, but if you're mature about picking your partner and don't rush into marriage, you'll have probably made the right decision.

[TknandLvnIt]

I do believe in soul mates and do believe that my SO is mine...Like Caitlin said there is an inexplicable connection that we felt when we met three years ago and the way that circumstances fell into place so that we could meet and reconnect again couldn't have been anything but God and I'm thankful for that every day. I have never felt the way I feel about my SO and we both mutually know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. But like other posters said if we had started dating when we first met three years ago when we met we wouldn't have been able to work as well as we do now...in fact we started getting to know each other and I pulled away because when I had met him I had just ended things with a guy that I was involved with the day before... However when we reconnected neither of us was looking for a relationship and I think that's part of why we fell into it so beautifully...it was beyond our control and I'm never looking back. We had become in those three years the people that we needed to be for each other and we are growing together daily :-). I don't think that the goal of marriage is happiness...For us marriage is a way to say before God and man that we are committed to building our lives together and our desire is to please God through our relationship and in such build and better each other.

[amit2k11]

I do believe in soul mates and do believe that my SO is mine...Like Caitlin said there is an inexplicable connection that we felt when we met three years ago and the way that circumstances fell into place so that we could meet and reconnect again couldn't have been anything but God and I'm thankful for that every day. I have never felt the way I feel about my SO and we both mutually know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. But like other posters said if we had started dating when we first met three years ago when we met we wouldn't have been able to work as well as we do now...in fact we started getting to know each other and I pulled away because when I had met him I had just ended things with a guy that I was involved with the day before... However when we reconnected neither of us was looking for a relationship and I think that's part of why we fell into it so beautifully...it was beyond our control and I'm never looking back. We had become in those three years the people that we needed to be for each other and we are growing together daily :-). I don't think that the goal of marriage is happiness...For us marriage is a way to say before God and man that we are committed to building our lives together and our desire is to please God through our relationship and in such build and better each other.

Amazing reply. Loved it all.
I have been searching for my soul mate so long now.And now I feel the connection isn't there anymore.I might compromise and settle with someone good someday and yes be happy in marriage. I guess not everyone is as lucky as you guys are. Good to feel such connection.

[Caitlin2009]

Amazing reply. Loved it all.
I have been searching for my soul mate so long now.And now I feel the connection isn't there anymore.I might compromise and settle with someone good someday and yes be happy in marriage. I guess not everyone is as lucky as you guys are. Good to feel such connection.

dont just settle with someone because you wanna please your parents, you gotta follow your heart and when that person shows up you'll defiantly know

[amit2k11]

So, what do you think about that? From a Western point of view, I find it interesting, especially as India gains more Western influence all the time.

Western influence has till now resulted in superficial love that I have seen in so many cases ultimately falling apart to be very frank. The thing is in western society the union is only between the two individuals.Where as in India the union is between the families and more so we think about the future generation too. We have to save for our kids future and education and stuffs.So priorities are much different as compared to West. I believe this is just the tip of the ice berg for sure.There are many hidden reasons and stuffs for sure.

Thats why I have specifically posted a separate thread about the CULTURE DIFFERENCE between the WEST and India. You may see it if you like and share your opinion.

I have just one statement to make Western culture respects Individuality whereas in India it is more of a union of families and bonds.Hence I wonder is it a good idea to have a western wife for an Indian guy.

[amit2k11]

dont just settle with someone because you wanna please your parents, you gotta follow your heart and when that person shows up you'll defiantly know

That is what is the culture shock and difference I am talking about.We respect our parents and the society. I have posted a separate thread with the title Indian Guy - American Girl. If you may then please share your opinion there too.