Not Sure How Much More I Can Take

[delhommefan]

This week has been hell...I went to see my SO over the weekend and everything was good. But ever since then I just have that bad feeling. I am one to second guess my feelings but my gut is usually right. Sometimes I just have to mess up before I realize that. Every night this week my SO has acted kind of like its a burden to talk to me. I know he's worn out from his 2nd week at work, issues with his kids, he's living with his elderly parents now too and he says he has to "entertain" them. So Wednesday night I told him I understood if he didn't want to talk but much I asked if he would talk to me more the next night and he says of course. Well last night he was acting like his bad twin (every now and then this really dark side comes out in him...). I asked him what was wrong and he starts saying how he's feeling pressure from everyone, can't make anyone happy, etc. etc. Ya know I get that. But we've been together for almost two years and he has A LOT of logistical issues, problems with money, problems with his kids mom, etc. and I have always been more than understanding. I asked him if I was making him feel pressured and he said talking to me on the phone is pressure. WTF? So I just said Ok...I won't say anything else then and I'll let you go. I mean I know when to give the guy space but damn. So he always asks me to call him in the morning as his wake up call. Its kind of our thing. So I called him this morning and he didn't answer. I called 15 mins later thinking he didn't hear the phone ring. He calls me back 30 mins later and acts like I was annoying him. "I saw you called a bunch of times"...umm, yeah...cuz you ASKED me to! He usually calls me or texts me on the way to work, nothing today. He was leaving work at 10am and still nothing and I refuse to call him. This may not sound like a big deal...I mean obviously hes just trying to work through stuff but the girl in me can't help but think its something hes trying to work through regarding us. Last year around this time he started acting the same way. He's normally very attentive, romantic, etc. So when he acts like this it really comes out of nowhere. Last year when it happened he ended up walking in my door and breaking up with me because he felt like he couldn't give me what I deserved. Ok I guess that sounds thoughtful but I am a grown woman and if I am fed up, he's going to know and that should be my call-not his. So I guess I'm just having these feelings again. That coupled with my doubts about when we can ever be together again for good is really eating away at me. Literally this week I have dropped 5 lbs (I'm small to begin with) and I can't sleep. It sucks. i don't tell him any of this because I want him to hear me being strong, supportive, etc. but I really don't know how much more I can take of it. Honestly, I do need attention...I'm human. I don't think I'm needy but maybe needier than he can handle. Its hard to live with someone for 6 months and then find out they were searching for jobs out of state without your knowledge. Then 3 weeks later they are gone and you're back to this arrangement.

[Silviar]

Is there any chance you could break this into paragraphs? I'm sorry, but I can't follow it due to the length of the paragraph. >.<;

[BabyGund]

Boy this sounds so familiar...only because The Boy pulled the same trick last month.

I say, give him his space. LOTS OF SPACE. Yes, it will kill you do so. Yes, it will hurt like a mother. But when I backed off and got on with my life, The Boy suddenly turned around and was like "uhm, where did you go?" My response: "I'm still here, near you...but if I seem distant, remember, YOU pushed me away..."

Look, The Boy had to work thru his issues. He did not want to share or burden me with them and that's his prerogative. But it also meant I didn't have to wait around for him while he did that. I started dating again, not that I was looking to get serious but to have something to do, so I didn't pine away for The Boy, and also as a reminder that, as TLC says, "I can have any man I want to, baby, that's actual and factual, but still I CHOOSE YOU." It was a very empowering feeling really. I should blog about that, but I digress.

The issue I see in your situation is that he was looking for jobs out of state without telling you? That's a HUGE red flag in my book. What's THAT about?

[delhommefan]

The reason he was looking for jobs out of state is because he was looking here too but nothing was coming up. His kids and his parents live in Florida so when this opportunity came up he had to take it a) because he needed enough money to pay child support and b) because being 10 hours from his kids and trying to drive there every other weekend with no money wasn't working out. So I completely understand but it still hurts me. He lived here with me and my daughter all that time. She's 4 so she doesn't really understand where he went and that breaks my heart too. He never expressed to me that he may have to get a job out of state...I assumed when he was here, he was here.

And I am giving him space. Like I said, I am not calling or texting him as hard as that is going to be. I'm supposed to go see him in Atlanta next weekend...not sure if that's even going to happen the way he's being. Thats only a 3 hour drive from me so it would be stupid not to go but I guess it is what it is. I don't want to date anyone, I don't even want to break up but I do want to back off. I let his moods control my moods and thats just not cool.

[Zephii]

I'd personally start looking elsewhere. Relationships at a base level are two people getting their needs met and obviously that's not really happening. I also think that you are not a toy for him to pick up and put down whenever he feels like it. I'm sorry.

[BabyGund]

He should have STILL told you that he was considering jobs back in Florida and why. Not just up and bail in 3 weeks. Not cool.

Yeah, just give him space. You don't have to start dating anyone. I did because in his words, we were "broken up" - even though we were still in contact, as usual, almost every day. But when I started to give the space and pull away a bit, he did the 180 and is all over me now.

[MrsExPrez]

Haha in response to BabyGund - same exact thing happened with my SO! Except.. for some reason we do it often. I think it is the stress of the distance. But yeah, I agree, when they come crawling back it does feel good.

[Miramaid]

It does sound familiar... I am not sure what to tell you. I myself posted a looong post "we broke up" just recently. I would just say to try to stay strong like you already doing and spend more time with friends and family

[Karringtyn]

He sounds very frustrated and my best advice is to truly take a step back. I usually advice to talk things out...but in this situation he just acts like you are damned if you do damned if you don't...Take care...and keep sharing here...we do truly understand.